Jump to content

Post-festival struggle/life advice needed please


Sundance
 Share

Recommended Posts

You spend too much of your life "Working" to stay in a job that makes you feel ill or miserable. If your HR department cannot make your life more bearable start looking elsewhere (there are plenty of jobs out there if you are prepared to be flexible). Most of the time it's just getting the work/life balance right and that can take years.

I've been there, done that - I've parked the car up and felt physically sick going to work on a Monday due to stress, I've been fired for having a melt-down in the office, smashing the computer and telling my boss very loudly he was a c**t in an open office after a heated argument over a software roll-out. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Sundance said:

Hi everyone

First time thread-starter over here and I think this is going to be a bit of a stream of consciousness so sorry in advance if I ramble.

Does anyone here have an INCREDIBLY stressful job? I dream about work, it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, I’m miserable when I’m there and I’m there for about 11-12 hours a day. Glastonbury is a huge part of my life, my calendar literally revolves around it, and I think largely that’s because it’s the one place that I can fully let go and be at peace. It also shows me how happy it’s possible to be and how far away I am from that feeling day to day.

I’m not sure what i’m really asking here. But has anyone else been dealing with post-festival blues like this? Has anyone had a massive career change or have any advice for a 26 year old who’s really bloody struggling? 

Thanks in advance x

sorry if this has already been asked..

Is this a new or relatively new job? I ask because from my experience... when starting new jobs (particularly with a lot to think about) you do dream about it a lot... you see it when you close your eyes and think about it a lot! This is just your brain processing all the new information. The longer you are in the job this goes away as it becomes a background task for your mind and becomes familiar. 

If its not then you really have to question the job you are doing or the company you work for.... It is not worth your mental health. Either move company or try a change of roll/job all together. 

Im very happy in my Job... but I had similar issues when i first started. But my job requires me to know an awful lot of stuff.. working with proprietary software and systems.. once i became familiar it became a piece of piss. I dont see flow charts, kanban boards and SQL when I close my eyes anymore... haha :D 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For about 5 years I was struggling. I had reached 30 and felt that I should really be progressing in my career. I felt that if I put in the extra hours and extra effort promotions would come my way. All that happened is I became a yes man, worked lots of extra hours for no extra pay and when I tried to ease off I got threatened with losing my job. The massive stress of that led me being off work for over 3 months with stress. During that time I realised that health is more important than, in my case a little extra money. I also worked out that because I was working so many hours I was wasting money eating and drinking out. In my spare time I was so desperate to make the most of it I'd blow money on nonsense. 

In January I started a new job with far less hours and far harder to do overtime. I get less money but spend much less and most importantly I feel healthier than I have for a long time.

I know for many people doing something like what I've done is not possible but finding time to relax on a regular basis is too important not to do it. 

I hope you find the right balance for you soon.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been in a similar position to you. I spent my whole childhood and education wanting to be a news journalist. I got a job on a local paper with a few to work by way up and quickly hated it. I thought it was just because I had a hideous boss, but it just turned out that it wasn't for me. Even at a local level you had to write articles from a certain angle so as not to piss off councils and advertisers - god only knows what it's like at national level (actually, I think we all know full well, tbh!)

I went form job to job in a similar field (publishing, in-house/membership magazines, etc), thinking I just needed to find the "right" one, but although I worked with some lovely people (ask well as some stinkers I'd learnt to ignore) constantly felt like I was a round peg trying to squeeze into a square hole. It was probably me, not them, and I'm fine with that! After a mini meltdown a few years ago I decided to start saving and find out what I truly liked to do, because it clearly wasn't what I was doing. I'm now building a portfolio career in a few different areas - one of which is communications but it doesn't take over my life like it used to. 

The blues will pass, just try and take control and find something outside work that you enjoy and see if you can turn it into a career, you never know! If not, at least you'll constantly have something to look forward too. I'd also thoroughly recommend having an emergency fund, if you're in a position to save. If work gets too much and you want to quit, not having bills to worry about makes it a lot easier. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is no cruise to the beach. There's a hope of it, then life smashes you sideways and wrecks it all in some heartbreaking way that hopefully you still have enough capacity for stress to handle.

Concentrate on a balance you enjoy now too. In 'their' eyes the market dictates terms by what people will stand - there is no limit other than what you will put up with. The meat through the grinder doesn't matter, they choose to do it. Even if you do survive it getting to retirement then realising you've basically no connection with your kids isn't a win

Important thing is you are in control of this, even if it doesn't feel like it, and if you're on it and thinking about it now you'll get it sorted before it's too late.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Sundance said:

Slightly overwhelmed by everyone’s thoughtful, kind responses. Thanks so much ?

For a bit of context, I work in the city as a lawyer so it’s not stressful like your job @Northern Soul (which sounds slightly terrifying!) but stressful in its own way where everyone wants more and more and more. I’m feeling at the moment like the “prestige” (excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a bit) and money aren’t worth it. Don’t suppose anyone else here is a lawyer?

I suppose the only thing holding me back is that I have to be self sufficient and am the main earner in our house so taking the plunge into another career is a risk. 

Hearing all your stories is really comforting. @Yoghurt on a Stick @MrZigster you both sound like you’re stronger than you realise and I hope that knowing you’ve brought a bit of comfort to a total stranger on the internet today puts a smile on your faces 

I'm not a lawyer but my sister in law was and my friend was also an accountant for one of the big 5 in the city and know that if you want to get on then yes they make damn sure they get their money's worth out of you and it's fiercely competitive. The solution for both of them was moving to smaller places and smaller firms where the work/life balance was a little better. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't really have any advice but my life was in tatters a few years back. I did not want a job that would put undue pressure on myself but I found a happy medium. During the winter months I would work temping for the Royal Mail and other agencies. During the summer I would work at festivals doing about a.dozen a year. While I did not rake in a lot of cash I managed to pay the rent. It kept me sane for a good few years until I was ready to take on responsibility m. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, Sundance said:

 

Really it is just my job. I’ve got supportive family and friends, boyfriend, nice place to live etc. I’m incredibly lucky. I’m just not the type of person who’s life is about work (probably chose the wrong career didn’t I) and I find that it seeps into everything else I do because I’m never not worrying about it. 

I’m a Child Protection Social Worker and I definitely understand the feeling of not being able to switch off....

...but analysing it properly I realised that I needed to learn to switch off, rather than to change what I do. I actually like what I do - it really challenges me to think, and feel, and I often feel the rewards of having made a difference - which, I’d imagine as a lawyer you do too.

It might be that you don’t need a change of job but some CBT could help you to learn to switch off. I am much better at it nowadays. I sleep better most of the time (in my line of work I have learnt to accept you’ll get odd times when it’s not so easy) but I’ve mostly learnt to put myself first. There’s a thing on the internet called ‘mood gym’ which is a reasonable DIY version but try to make time to go to someone.

I’ve just joined a new team where there appears to be a culture of getting in early, then eating your lunch at your desk. I just won’t do it. I will work over my hours when I have to, & I often have to, but I will still take proper breaks. As often as I can I will arrive on time, leave on time, and take the 45 minutes lunch I am entitled to away from my desk (or at least half an hour of it!).

I’ll stand by that because about 3 years ago I was literally repeatedly passing out at work because I was so stressed. It was humiliating, as passed out in training, I passed out in meetings & I just felt like everyone thought I was flaky  but I never passed out when I was actually in the middle of a horrible Child Protection situation. That was because the thinking about it was worse than the actuality of doing it! 

I ended up having to take nearly 2 months off whilst I was stabilised on anti- depressants and I am not going there again. I don’t feel guilty about the people who appear to be working more than me, because they will be off sick more than me now, because I look after myself & literally haven’t gone sick since. 

You might not need a change of job, you might need to change your attitude to it. 

Edited by amfy
Typo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi @amfy, your post there has really struck a chord with me. Not because I do what you do but my ex, of 6 months ago is a senior support worker. (We still get on, keep in touch and are friends.) The work that you both do makes you both “Earth Angels” in my eyes. Anyhow, the reason that I mention this is because of the stress that it’s obviously caused you in the past, and to an extent, it caused my ex partner. She would work, literally, 90+ hours a week, sleep overs etc for not a lot of money really (In that line of work though, for her at least, it wasn’t about the money) It was about providing a service for and helping the poor little buggers she was looking after and trying to show them a positive way forward after, most usually, a very difficult start in life. The stress and the hours she worked was a reason for our break up. (Certainly not the only one I might add. I’m am/was equally to blame, probably more so. “Behavioural issues” on my part?) I’m glad that my ex still does the job she does as she’s phenomenal at it, and she’s enriching many more lives now than if she’d have chosen a change of career or stayed with me and changed her job as a consequence, so for that, I’m grateful. Sorry, I’m just rambling a bit now. Anyhow, you do a great job and I’m glad you’ve overcame your hurdles, rationalised it and are now happy. The world needs more people like you, and my ex, who care. Who genuinely care about the welfare of others. X

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was forced into taking over the family company due to the sudden death of my Dad... it was a toxic take over as well with other family members (by marriage) which was 7 years of hell.

 

Finally I took control and carried on for many years after .. good pay, but the stress was set in stone ..outwardly friends envied what I did but failed to see how utterly miserable I was... no friends just acquaintances 

 

I finally realised at 50 I could no longer carry on and finished ... financially  a bad move but I had to put  my health above finances .

I am at the start of a mental health breakdown recovery and it's hard .

 

What you do in your young life has a habit of biting you up the bum later...If you really aren't happy then change it...no it's not easy but regret is an awful thing .

 

Re-train , look for something temporary that is totally stress free whilst you take stock, but above all look after your mental health 

You have youth on your side and 5 days at GF should not be the only thing you live for...that isn't healthy 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On ‎7‎/‎23‎/‎2019 at 10:41 PM, Sundance said:

Hi everyone

First time thread-starter over here and I think this is going to be a bit of a stream of consciousness so sorry in advance if I ramble.

Does anyone here have an INCREDIBLY stressful job? I dream about work, it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, I’m miserable when I’m there and I’m there for about 11-12 hours a day. Glastonbury is a huge part of my life, my calendar literally revolves around it, and I think largely that’s because it’s the one place that I can fully let go and be at peace. It also shows me how happy it’s possible to be and how far away I am from that feeling day to day.

I’m not sure what i’m really asking here. But has anyone else been dealing with post-festival blues like this? Has anyone had a massive career change or have any advice for a 26 year old who’s really bloody struggling? 

Thanks in advance x

Stress is a horrible, vicious cycle.  You're brain is constantly running wild with thoughts making you feel stressed, when in fact, its the stress you're already under creating those thoughts!!!

I'm sure you may have already been suggested this but you sound like you need a little bit of time off and not just for heading to Glastonbury.  Time away from work will help, even if its just short term.  Also, have you ever considered trying to follow a Mindfulness course?  Again, it may just be for a short while, but it will certainly help to de-clogg your mind and give you a break from your thoughts.

Hope you find an answer x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, amfy said:

I’m a Child Protection Social Worker and I definitely understand the feeling of not being able to switch off....

...but analysing it properly I realised that I needed to learn to switch off, rather than to change what I do. I actually like what I do - it really challenges me to think, and feel, and I often feel the rewards of having made a difference - which, I’d imagine as a lawyer you do too.

It might be that you don’t need a change of job but some CBT could help you to learn to switch off. I am much better at it nowadays. I sleep better most of the time (in my line of work I have learnt to accept you’ll get odd times when it’s not so easy) but I’ve mostly learnt to put myself first. There’s a thing on the internet called ‘mood gym’ which is a reasonable DIY version but try to make time to go to someone.

I’ve just joined a new team where there appears to be a culture of getting in early, then eating your lunch at your desk. I just won’t do it. I will work over my hours when I have to, & I often have to, but I will still take proper breaks. As often as I can I will arrive on time, leave on time, and take the 45 minutes lunch I am entitled to away from my desk (or at least half an hour of it!).

I’ll stand by that because about 3 years ago I was literally repeatedly passing out at work because I was so stressed. It was humiliating, as passed out in training, I passed out in meetings & I just felt like everyone thought I was flaky  but I never passed out when I was actually in the middle of a horrible Child Protection situation. That was because the thinking about it was worse than the actuality of doing it! 

I ended up having to take nearly 2 months off whilst I was stabilised on anti- depressants and I am not going there again. I don’t feel guilty about the people who appear to be working more than me, because they will be off sick more than me now, because I look after myself & literally haven’t gone sick since. 

You might not need a change of job, you might need to change your attitude to it. 

I remember some counselling training I did a few months ago helped me clarify this type of dilemma - basically there's a difference between a problem and a predicament. A problem has a destination or solution (eg I need to quit my job, I need to end this relationship etc). A predicament has no destination /easy solution (eg quitting my job or ending a relationship isn't realistic /desirable), in which case its about focusing you energy on managing /supporting yourself in the difficult situation. 

I think part of the early work is figuring out which category you feel you're in. 

Going back to the Op, another thing I find useful to start with is fathoming out whether you're having a wobble or a crisis/awakening. A wobble is a temporary/short term (albeit very distressing) kind of meltdown, but it's very short term, and if you can get through it, things settle and you're able to cope as before going forward--it was a temporary blip. A crisis/awaking is more of a fundamental shift where you realise things can't  (or you don't want  them to) continue as things have been--you've realised you want/need something different in life. 

I do think counselling is useful (I am a Counsellor though so I am biased!) to give you some time and space to fathom out the way forward, but also to offer you support while you're in the midst of a crisis/wobble. I think one of the hardest things about a crisis/wobble is when you're in the midst of one you can't imagine not feeling that way and it feels terrifying and overwhelming, and of course while you're feeling like that you're not going to be able to think things through or do any practical solutions etc. For me it's usually about attending to your feelings of distress or whatever first, and then once you've settled a bit, you can then go on to the thinking side of things. 

I hope that makes sense! 

Edited by Mr.Tease
  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/23/2019 at 10:41 PM, Sundance said:

Hi everyone

First time thread-starter over here and I think this is going to be a bit of a stream of consciousness so sorry in advance if I ramble.

Does anyone here have an INCREDIBLY stressful job? I dream about work, it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, I’m miserable when I’m there and I’m there for about 11-12 hours a day. Glastonbury is a huge part of my life, my calendar literally revolves around it, and I think largely that’s because it’s the one place that I can fully let go and be at peace. It also shows me how happy it’s possible to be and how far away I am from that feeling day to day.

I’m not sure what i’m really asking here. But has anyone else been dealing with post-festival blues like this? Has anyone had a massive career change or have any advice for a 26 year old who’s really bloody struggling? 

Thanks in advance x

Yes, I hear you XX  I started going to Glastonbury in 2004. I realised there was a different way of living than scaling the greasy corporate career pole. I was an MD in a UK plc group, lots of travel (UK and international) with 2 small children and ill, ageing parents. Full-on stress. I was being made to behave in way that wasn't me. Fast forward and I am now running my own (small-ish) business, and teaching yoga part time. Tune into your heart. Work out where you want to be in 3-5 years, then take small steps to make it happen...evolution not revolution. In the meantime, do yoga - with a good teacher - to really connect with yourself. X

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If something’s not right don’t be afraid of making a major change. In fact I’d say you have to. Embrace it and follow your heart.

in my mid 40s I quit my job and moved to the other side of the world. Now I have a beautiful daughter and zero regrets.

Edited by John the Moth
Correcting Auto correct
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Inactivity & inertia are absolute curses as well.  I bent many an ear on this very forum while I was wringing my hands about my career a few years ago, and I'm still pretty much exactly where I was and wondering where the time has gone. On a concerted effort to do it properly this time, but if you're not careful you'll just end up spinning in circles :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, BlackZeppelin said:

Any chance of going travelling?

It needs a brave decision but can be a massively enriching life, my son’s 33 and lived and worked in Russia, Vietnam, Uganda, Morocco, Palestine, Greece, etc. and although he has little money he’s one of the happiest people I know. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lots of advice and good words above. I have very little to add to this really except -

I now a few people who have been to life coaches and have said it has really helped them take a step back, look around, reassess. Then gave then the ability to focus on what they wanted and what direction to travel in.

Not saying it is for everyone and could be shit (although you may end up writing a wonderful comedic show about it and change your life that way)

The Glastonbury sized hole that you are gravitating around can be filled by lots of other events to plan and look forward to. Not easy when your up to your eyes in oil and grease with your grindstone to your nose,

You are 26 as well so in terms of life oh so young and you have chances to try and experiment with different directions you want to turn (does feel like main earner could get in the way but once again that can just be a state of mind). You can always go back to this Lawyer stuff. Your life and only one of them.

 

I really wish you though all the best and I hope you find some peace and relief from it all. Which you will

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lots of good advice already given in this thread and I don’t have much to give, but I’m going through a similar sort of thing at the moment. I’m not in a high-paying or important job though, but instead i’m 28 and have got myself stuck in dead-end customer service jobs, forever overworked and vastly underpaid.

I’ve never had the confidence to pursue my passions and instead have just accepted whatever’s come my way, and with the big 3-0 on the horizon I’m really questioning all the decisions I’ve made (and not made) in my life. What’s making it even harder is that my younger brother has just landed his ultimate dream job and I can’t help but compare my failure in life to his success.

I’ve also clung on to the last couple of Glastonbury’s as the only real form of escape from the monotony and stress in my life, and this year I really banked so much happiness on those 5 days that the aftermath has been pretty grim. 

I’m making every effort to take a step back and reevaluate where I am in life. I’m looking at ways of potentially volunteering in sectors that I’d like a career in, and am planning to enrol in a degree course. Someone above mentioned a life coach and that could be a cool idea.

Anyway, just so you know you’re not alone in how you feel and there’s always people out there to talk to. Life’s too short to be unhappy but it’s also long enough to make positive changes and lead it in a way that’s true to you. You can do it ? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Fanbloodytastic said:

Lots of good advice already given in this thread and I don’t have much to give, but I’m going through a similar sort of thing at the moment. I’m not in a high-paying or important job though, but instead i’m 28 and have got myself stuck in dead-end customer service jobs, forever overworked and vastly underpaid.

I’ve never had the confidence to pursue my passions and instead have just accepted whatever’s come my way, and with the big 3-0 on the horizon I’m really questioning all the decisions I’ve made (and not made) in my life. What’s making it even harder is that my younger brother has just landed his ultimate dream job and I can’t help but compare my failure in life to his success.

I’ve also clung on to the last couple of Glastonbury’s as the only real form of escape from the monotony and stress in my life, and this year I really banked so much happiness on those 5 days that the aftermath has been pretty grim. 

I’m making every effort to take a step back and reevaluate where I am in life. I’m looking at ways of potentially volunteering in sectors that I’d like a career in, and am planning to enrol in a degree course. Someone above mentioned a life coach and that could be a cool idea.

Anyway, just so you know you’re not alone in how you feel and there’s always people out there to talk to. Life’s too short to be unhappy but it’s also long enough to make positive changes and lead it in a way that’s true to you. You can do it ? 

Great to see you taking steps to make a change you want. Hard to do but only compare yourself to you.  

Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My two pence- completely don’t know your circumstances, but I think it’s very easy to make a connection with money and a good job or the right job/career path for you. We can be kind of brought up with that mindset. 

Sometimes taking a pay cut or a step in a different direction can be the best thing you can ever do.

Life’s too short for shit, stressful jobs. You can enjoy life in a job with no money or a job with loads, just make sure you’re enjoying yourself x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.



×
×
  • Create New...