Toilets

[jimbarkanoodle]

Lets be honest here, first thing when they wake up in the morning, who can actually be arsed to trek all the way to the nearest toilets, and queue up for 10 minutes because they are full of people shitting their guts out, after the excesses of the night before? I always go to the nearest bush by my tent, because if I don't I will literally piss myself which will be no fun at all.

I wouldn't be up for taking fat dump in a bush though. I have known people who do this, and even worse, someone who once took a shit in an empty tent whilst the owners were out partying. I cannot condone that behaviour it must be said!

 

[Rufus Gwertigan]

I got woken up one morning with my son shouting at some dirty c**t having a shit outside the door of my sons tent. The bogs where only 20 yards away as well 

[jimbarkanoodle]

27 minutes ago, Rufus Gwertigan said:

I got woken up one morning with my son shouting at some dirty c**t having a shit outside the door of my sons tent. The bogs where only 20 yards away as well 

Hahaha, that's quite unfortunate. I wouldn't have been best pleased. If the guy's tent was nearby, id have waited until night time and robbed his tent, as a way of getting my own back.

[giantkatestacks]

Thank you everyone that was on toilet cleaning duty- we really do appreciate it. 

[Stokesy10]

Easily the best I've seen the toilets in 5 Glasto's.

[sirjonnyp]

1 hour ago, giantkatestacks said:

Thank you everyone that was on toilet cleaning duty- we really do appreciate it. 

My pleasure

[Crazyfool01]

17 minutes ago, sirjonnyp said:

My pleasure

you should have a sir bestowed on you ... for service to Glastonbury toilets 

Edited July 15, 2019 by crazyfool1
good to see someones already done it :)

[Mr.Tease]

3 hours ago, Rufus Gwertigan said:

I got woken up one morning with my son shouting at some dirty c**t having a shit outside the door of my sons tent. The bogs where only 20 yards away as well 

Gross, what is their excuse?!

[y0ungtitan]

No problem with our closest toilets. We were Lower Mead so we were nearest the ones near Silver Hayes towards JP, don't think I had to queue at any point over the weekend (they got busier in the night, but even then was never too packed) and every long drop I went to was usable after a quick wipe of the seat if needed.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

50 minutes ago, Mr.Tease said:

Gross, what is their excuse?!

Seriously no excuse. He had some mates that found it funny until I got out my tent and was a little angry at the sight

[D-Low]

I tip my hat to the toilet cleaners. I went to use the block at the bottom in Dairy Ground Sunday morning and my god what a state. How someone even managed to make it to the toilet the way it was splattered all over the seat and back wall.

Overall, weren't too bad this year, the compost ones by the Other Stage though were full to bursting on the three occasions I used them - not the prettiest of sights. Needed more regularly emptying.

[H.M.V]

I thought the toilets were great this year. Only one or two rejects that in past years would have been acceptable. Just the cleanliness this year meant you could easily get a clean toilet. 

One was brand new and the wrapping was still on it by the CV side of gate C. 

[UEF]

Had a string of spotless long drop usages this year, can't complain

 

Don't get people who use the composters but are too posh to take compost in...

Edited July 15, 2019 by UEF

[stuartbert two hats]

48 minutes ago, UEF said:

Had a string of spotless long drop usages this year, can't complain

 

Don't get people who use the composters but are too posh to take compost in...

The sawdust?

I have to admit that I completely forgot half the time. And when I remembered, I noticed that there wasn't any there.

They could do with a better design. Maybe a handle to deliver the sawdust like a flush. And more robust doors.

[balti-pie]

6 hours ago, Rufus Gwertigan said:

I got woken up one morning with my son shouting at some dirty c**t having a shit outside the door of my sons tent. The bogs where only 20 yards away as well 

I’m not a violent man by any stretch of the imagination, but I would kick the crap out of anyone I caught having a shite by my tent. (Whatever crap is left in them, anyways)

[sirjonnyp]

3 hours ago, y0ungtitan said:

No problem with our closest toilets. We were Lower Mead so we were nearest the ones near Silver Hayes towards JP, don't think I had to queue at any point over the weekend (they got busier in the night, but even then was never too packed) and every long drop I went to was usable after a quick wipe of the seat if needed.

One of the teams doing those ones were very dedicated - one was ex-army and didn't believe in taking breaks at any point in the six hours. He also gave first aid to a young chap from a certain part of the world who had been taking a key of something in the toilet, slipped (how I don't know!) and ripped the inside of his nose. 

[The other Bellboy]

On 7/3/2019 at 8:31 PM, ripcurl85 said:

I was actually told by someone on either Wednesday or Thursday whilst filling up at one of the standpipes near the loos that they thought that "...they had changed it this year so it was drinking water was only at the kiosks."

Someone said exactly the same to me when filling up at one of the sinks, somehow it appears that some misinformation was around this year.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

On 7/2/2019 at 7:33 PM, dulcificum said:

Why would you queue to piss on a seat when there's a urinal next to it?

I've only read this thread up to this point, so am unsure if this has already been mentioned. I nearly always go to a long drop or portaloo at festivals because;

(1) I have a cock that has a complete mind all of it's very own. It tells me that it's stopped pissing, so I put it away. However, 'it' lies. There's nothing my pecker enjoys more than to start squirting piss all over again, once it's back in my pants. Now the way to deal with this at a urinal is to wait, shake it, grab me bollocks and lift them up, repeat,repeat, and repeat again the whole process. Only there's a downside to this. The downside is that you know that the bloke next to you (trying not to observe this almost demented behaviour) is thinking that you're a weirdo sex pest. Once this thought hits your brain, like a ton of shite, you lose your nerve and put the bastard away, and pretend that your done and dusted. However, despite walking out of the urinal like John Wayne, acting all big (not like The Incontinence Kid), you know full well that you are just about to wee in to your own pants. 

(2) I feel safer in a proper kind of toilet. I once went out with a lady whose ex partner (unbeknown to me) had been stalking her for six months. Anyway, one night we went to a kind of late night drinking club (there were different licencing laws in those days) and I needed to go to the toilet - so went there ( I'm crazy, me!). Anyway, I'm on my own at the urinal when a bloke comes in through the bog door, puts his hands around my throat and starts to strangle me. I honestly thought to myself that I'd just try to finish off my piss, and then i'd deal with the situation at hand. However, I soon felt myself fading from lack of oxygen, so knew that I had to act , right there, right then. So, I did. I very carefully and skilfully showed him the error of his ways. Then I left him lying there on the floor moaning, and walked out of the bog, through a hall, and in to the bar. I went up to my new lady friend, and told her the story. It was then that she told me who he was etc. I don't know who was the barmiest bastard - him or her. I mean, she'd known he was there, and didn't tell me. Anyway, since that time too (and in addition to point 1) I have always sought the refuge of some sort of shelter while having a wee, if possible. Unfortunately it's not always possible.

 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I meant - if point (1) had been mentioned. I doubt very much if point (2) has!

PS - I once walked in on a fully nude man in a toilet. I apologised to him. Fuck knows why. I guess I was kind of in shock. At the time I didn't know what to think, but it soon kind of dawned on me that he was a 'toilet trader'. 

Actually, I've got loads of toilet stories. I might write a book on them and call it 'The Toilet Trader' - a title which I hereby copyright.

 

[HeyPorter]

1 hour ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I very carefully and skilfully showed him the error of his ways. Then I left him lying there on the floor moaning, and walked out of the bog, through a hall, and in to the bar.

 

You are Liam Neeson. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

14 minutes ago, HeyPorter said:

You are Liam Neeson. 

Good morning HeyPorter,

I'm afraid the connection is lost on me. 

That said, I have looked at the words that you have quoted and now realise that it could be understood that there was some bravado to them. If this is the case (and if it's not, please tell me what is the case) then please be rest assured that I am a devout pacifist and coward, to boot. I wrote those words, like the words above them, because they represented the most accurate words to describe the situation, that I could come up with at that moment in time. 

I feel a bit shitty now, because I think that I should have used some other words. That said, there is another part to that story that happened about a week after that event. As I say, I'm not in to violence, but I am in to telling shit about my life (as if anybody hadn't noticed!). Anyway, to cut a long story short (and to finish this story off in it's entirety ie not censored by myself), this lad mentioned to somebody that he was going to get his mates (from one of the roughest areas in Birmingham) to sort me out. The person who he told this to advised him that it was in his very best interests not to do this, as he would have the whole of the Irish population of Birmingham after him. Seemed to do the trick!

Anyway, please forgive my talk of violence on such a peaceful site. Thoroughly unwarranted, but i started talking about toilets, and I kind of just went off on one. 

Oh my God, I've just remembered another toilet story. This one's a peaceful one, so should be OK. Anyway, I was at a works Christmas party once in a hotel in Birmingham city centre. My boss came up to me and asked me if I wanted some coke. i said 'Yes, ivery much want some coke', or some such. So we ended up in a cubicle in the bogs, and he racked up two, very generous, lines. So, I snorted the one line first. then a group of blokes came in to the toilet. Not wanting our combined four legs to be seen under the trap door, my boss decided to stand on the toilet seat, until they had gone away. Now, I'll never know why I did this, but it was then that I decided to open the door, exit the trap, turn around and exclaim 'Fuck off you dirty toilet trader'. I then left the toilet area, laughing my bollocks off. I was met a while later by my boss who laughingly called me a c**t. He'd had to sheepishly exit from the trap in front of all these other blokes. lol 

[Jay Pee]

8 hours ago, sirjonnyp said:

One of the teams doing those ones were very dedicated - one was ex-army and didn't believe in taking breaks at any point in the six hours. He also gave first aid to a young chap from a certain part of the world who had been taking a key of something in the toilet, slipped (how I don't know!) and ripped the inside of his nose. 

LOL,  That was me administering the First Aid.  One of the most comical moments of the week If I am honest.  He  wouldn't take any Savlon off me in case it prevented further substance ingestion :-)

Made even more amusing by the fact that they were full on Scouse rum lads and I'm from Manchester.  His mate kept hugging me whilst I was trying to deal with the narcs casualty.  Still makes me laugh typing this now.

Yes, I can honestly say, having been on  Military Operations all over the world in very hot and terrifying places, I have seen worse toilets on combat ops.  The 6am Saturday morning shift is pretty hellish as nobody has been into clean the toilets since maybe 23:00 the night before.  would be nice to unsee some of that but overall, it was not that much of an ordeal.

[Mr.Tease]

3 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

(2) I feel safer in a proper kind of toilet. I once went out with a lady whose ex partner (unbeknown to me) had been stalking her for six months. Anyway, one night we went to a kind of late night drinking club (there were different licencing laws in those days) and I needed to go to the toilet - so went there ( I'm crazy, me!). Anyway, I'm on my own at the urinal when a bloke comes in through the bog door, puts his hands around my throat and starts to strangle me. I honestly thought to myself that I'd just try to finish off my piss, and then i'd deal with the situation at hand. However, I soon felt myself fading from lack of oxygen, so knew that I had to act , right there, right then. So, I did. I very carefully and skilfully showed him the error of his ways. Then I left him lying there on the floor moaning, and walked out of the bog, through a hall, and in to the bar. I went up to my new lady friend, and told her the story. It was then that she told me who he was etc. I don't know who was the barmiest bastard - him or her. I mean, she'd known he was there, and didn't tell me. Anyway, since that time too (and in addition to point 1) I have always sought the refuge of some sort of shelter while having a wee, if possible. Unfortunately it's not always possible.

 

(sorry, your story made me think of this?)

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

15 minutes ago, Mr.Tease said:

(sorry, your story made me think of this?)

No worries - I guess it was a little like that. It was all very odd really. Fortunately nothing like that has ever happened to me again. 

[Mr.Tease]

4 minutes ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

No worries - I guess it was a little like that. It was all very odd really. Fortunately nothing like that has ever happened to me again. 

It does sound very traumatic, I'm glad nothing like that has happened again, and I'm glad you survived the experience!