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dulcificum
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I'm in a great mood so please down write this off as a comedown Tuesday rant.

While it seems we've finally managed to mostly sort out people peeing in the rivers, leaving tents behind, putting up gazebos and even did pretty well with single use plastics this year (though a lot of people still need basic education about the order of "reduce, reuse, recycle" , that this is far from a golden bullet and also that simplistic statements like plastic = bad, can = good are far from the truth)...

But, for the love of god, please can we sort out the toilets?!

Now Glasto is better than 95% of festivals (and certainly most of those in the UK), but do we really need to still teach grown adults how to use a fucking toilet and leave it in a fit state for the next user?

There's literally no fucking excuse whatsoever for leaving a turn half on the seat or wet and dirty footprints either side.

And while we're at it, do some very basic research on compost loos and why it's not a good idea to dump your leftover booze in there or to never add soil/sawdust.

It's getting to the point I think it's no longer patronising to suggest a bit of education. Why can Glasto add "don't shit on the seats" to "leave no trace"?

Please teach your friends and fellow festival goers that standing on either side of a long drop is never acceptable and nor is "hovering" over a bog. And blokes, use the bloody urinals. It will save you a lot of time when you need a leak and when you need to clean up a toilet before you go for a dump yourselves. No, ladies,  I 100% guarantee your aim is evidently not as great as you're convinced it is.

Or do we really need festival organisers to tell us how to use a toilet as well as patiently explain to people why it's not okay to leave your shit on the floor or dump your tent at the end of a festival?

(there, deep breath, going to go back to watching some of the iPlayer coverage with a shit-eating grin on my face)...

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I was loo crew, working one of the silver hayes blocks. We had a chat about if there was anything that could be done to stop preventing some of the sights that we saw, but really don't think that there's anything that would make that much of a difference. Putting roofs on the long drops? Fellas still going to piss on the seat, leading to lasses squatting and curling one out right on the seat. More toilets? Would definitely help with the queues but requires more space, more volunteers to clean and you would still get mess. Putting a slope on the sides to make it harder to squat? Bit late to change the design of the tank now.

I think the urinals need a bit of a rethink, even if it's just making them a bit bigger so you can at least get some bins in the middle. Trying to litter pick in the silver hayes on at peak dickhead hour was nigh on impossible - I got shoved and verbally abused by a few of my fellow festival goers who assumed that I was jumping the queue or trying to get a good look at their johnson. Wasn't a great shift, that one. 

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Maybe I was just lucky but only walked in on 2 or 3 horrorshows this year. 

Did encounter someone giving a blowjob in one, down between Arcadia and the Park. Unreal. They are some of the most fruity on site, too. 

Everyone needs to carry a toilet roll (thanks lock ups) and everyone needs to give the seat a good wipe when they leave. But as I say most often than not they were in an ok state whenever I went to go myself. 

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2 minutes ago, gratefulbread said:

Maybe I was just lucky but only walked in on 2 or 3 horrorshows this year. 

Did encounter someone giving a blowjob in one, down between Arcadia and the Park. Unreal. They are some of the most fruity on site, too. 

Everyone needs to carry a toilet roll (thanks lock ups) and everyone needs to give the seat a good wipe when they leave. But as I say most often than not they were in an ok state whenever I went to go myself. 

Christ that is horrible. Those are some of the worst on site as you say.

I found them better than usual this year but spent less time around the main stages at peak times. Nearly always had to wipe the seat first but didn't encounter anything really unpleasant.

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29 minutes ago, sirjonnyp said:

I was loo crew, working one of the silver hayes blocks. We had a chat about if there was anything that could be done to stop preventing some of the sights that we saw, but really don't think that there's anything that would make that much of a difference. Putting roofs on the long drops? Fellas still going to piss on the seat, leading to lasses squatting and curling one out right on the seat. More toilets? Would definitely help with the queues but requires more space, more volunteers to clean and you would still get mess. Putting a slope on the sides to make it harder to squat? Bit late to change the design of the tank now.

I think the urinals need a bit of a rethink, even if it's just making them a bit bigger so you can at least get some bins in the middle. Trying to litter pick in the silver hayes on at peak dickhead hour was nigh on impossible - I got shoved and verbally abused by a few of my fellow festival goers who assumed that I was jumping the queue or trying to get a good look at their johnson. Wasn't a great shift, that one. 

can you please suggest if you get asked again for them to put a urinal trough on the wall of the urinal that lots of people seem to bizarrely think has a trough on it :( but doesn't 

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31 minutes ago, sirjonnyp said:

I was loo crew, working one of the silver hayes blocks. We had a chat about if there was anything that could be done to stop preventing some of the sights that we saw, but really don't think that there's anything that would make that much of a difference. Putting roofs on the long drops? Fellas still going to piss on the seat, leading to lasses squatting and curling one out right on the seat. More toilets? Would definitely help with the queues but requires more space, more volunteers to clean and you would still get mess. Putting a slope on the sides to make it harder to squat? Bit late to change the design of the tank now.

I think the urinals need a bit of a rethink, even if it's just making them a bit bigger so you can at least get some bins in the middle. Trying to litter pick in the silver hayes on at peak dickhead hour was nigh on impossible - I got shoved and verbally abused by a few of my fellow festival goers who assumed that I was jumping the queue or trying to get a good look at their johnson. Wasn't a great shift, that one. 

Sincere thanks for your service! Def think they were better than usual this year. Long drops were actually much nicer than the composts and not just from the heat.

But it's surely not ALL THAT HARD? How tough is it to get into people's thick skulls how to avoid a dirty protest.

I can handle gross loos at festivals but there's surely still a lot of improvement that's quite low hanging fruit. Step 1 is to eradicate the idea that it's acceptable to piss in a long drop or hover or squat anywhere. Sadly I think it's the precious ones that cause the most mess.

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26 minutes ago, gratefulbread said:

Maybe I was just lucky but only walked in on 2 or 3 horrorshows this year. 

Did encounter someone giving a blowjob in one, down between Arcadia and the Park. Unreal. They are some of the most fruity on site, too. 

Everyone needs to carry a toilet roll (thanks lock ups) and everyone needs to give the seat a good wipe when they leave. But as I say most often than not they were in an ok state whenever I went to go myself. 

Gross! I remember walking past the ones on the railway track into SE Corner one night a few years ago and there was a couple having sex while surrounded by long drops that absolutely honked with broken doors and shit spread all around them from people with the trots- and they say romance is dead!

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31 minutes ago, gratefulbread said:

Maybe I was just lucky but only walked in on 2 or 3 horrorshows this year. 

Did encounter someone giving a blowjob in one, down between Arcadia and the Park. Unreal. They are some of the most fruity on site, too. 

Everyone needs to carry a toilet roll (thanks lock ups) and everyone needs to give the seat a good wipe when they leave. But as I say most often than not they were in an ok state whenever I went to go myself. 

I’m trying to think what the person giving the blowjob gets out of that? And they’ll have to be on their knees in a pool of urine. 

And I really hope he washed it under the tap first!

Actually. I’m putting a lot more thought into this than I’m comfortable with. I’m gonna try and forget about it. 

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13 minutes ago, dulcificum said:

Sincere thanks for your service! Def think they were better than usual this year. Long drops were actually much nicer than the composts and not just from the heat.

But it's surely not ALL THAT HARD? How tough is it to get into people's thick skulls how to avoid a dirty protest.

I can handle gross loos at festivals but there's surely still a lot of improvement that's quite low hanging fruit. Step 1 is to eradicate the idea that it's acceptable to piss in a long drop or hover or squat anywhere. Sadly I think it's the precious ones that cause the most mess.

You can’t piss in a long drop?

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The longdrops next to the Cider Bus were horrendous at times. I walked in and out of 3 in a row on Saturday; shit literally all over the seats. It astounds me that people either don’t realise they’ve done it (at which point, evaluating ones choice of festival additives would be a good idea) or don’t actually care they’ve left it in that state. I can also confirm that some women have appalling aim.

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47 minutes ago, gratefulbread said:

Did encounter someone giving a blowjob in one, down between Arcadia and the Park. Unreal.

Can one up you there - while cleaning the silver hayes block we caught two guys having sex. I'm not sure they realised that we could see the bottoms of their legs. The pissed-up queues cheered them when they came out. Thankfully the didn't leave a mess. 

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50 minutes ago, gratefulbread said:

Maybe I was just lucky but only walked in on 2 or 3 horrorshows this year. 

Did encounter someone giving a blowjob in one, down between Arcadia and the Park. Unreal. They are some of the most fruity on site, too. 

Everyone needs to carry a toilet roll (thanks lock ups) and everyone needs to give the seat a good wipe when they leave. But as I say most often than not they were in an ok state whenever I went to go myself. 

And who says romance is dead?

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4 minutes ago, AiiShotTheDJ said:

The longdrops next to the Cider Bus were horrendous at times. I walked in and out of 3 in a row on Saturday; shit literally all over the seats. It astounds me that people either don’t realise they’ve done it (at which point, evaluating ones choice of festival additives would be a good idea) or don’t actually care they’ve left it in that state. I can also confirm that some women have appalling aim.

The solution isn't hard. Shame the fuck out of them and drill it into their heads that hovering or squatting doesn't work. And that they won't catch herpes from, heaven forbid, putting their arsecheek on a clean longdrop seat (thereby keeping more seats clean for others).

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7 minutes ago, faymondo said:

Never had to leave a trap I entered. That said I do spend most of my time in the urinals.

Jesus a BJ. Hope it had about 10 condoms over it and a peg on their nose. 

You should try spending more time outside of the urinals. There are some great things to see and do in the festival.

?

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First compost loo I went to in Pylon on Wednesday lunch time already had 2 used condoms on the side ?

I found the long drops cleaner than the compost loos this year, there was never any compost left after Thursday so the point of them was rendered useless anyway. 

I also learnt never to use the toilets at back of pyramid given the proximity to the cider bus, does funny things to the stomach that stuff 

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45 minutes ago, dulcificum said:

Why would you queue to piss on a seat when there's a urinal next to it?

In fairness some blokes don't like standing side by side with other blokes with their cocks in their hand. I have a mate who simply refuses to piss in urinals, I'm sure he isn't the only one. However, agreed on wiping the seat clean if you do piss on it.

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An observation from a Loo Crew'er is that some chaps didn't even realise there were urinals.  I made quite a few aware and they were delighted.  Also, you may not have noticed but not all toilet areas have urinals.  I don't know why but it does make things harder for all.  People are just odd.  there were so many times when i said to people that there are plenty more stalls down the back 20 seconds walk from the front row, for instance the ones near the lower end of the Glade.  It seemed the carrot dangled worked the best when i explained they were always spotless.  Why do people queue for a ow of long drops that look like they have been carpet bombed when there are no queues literally feet away?  i must have said it hundred of times to punters..

Also, and apologies as its tea time, Saturday morning was an absolute nightmare first 2 hours.  The shifts don't work through the night apart from Naughty Corner so when we got  there at 06:30 on Saturday morning, they had not seen a cleaner for a good few hours.  Because it was so punishingly hot literally by 7am, all the "near misses" were baked on..

Proper rank two hours that...

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