Overheards and funnies

[alibear]

I always enjoy reading these. What’s the funniest thing you overheard? Nothing too hilarious from me this year, but here are a couple to kick off:

 

Lad 1: “who’s on next?”

Lad 2: “David Attenborough.”

Lad 1: “ah, cool. I like him, I reckon he’s gonna boss it”

 

And the whole crowd around me (including myself) responding with a collective “oh, for fuck’s sake” when Kylie introduced Chris Martin.  

Edited July 1, 2019 by alibear

[fightoffyour]

“Why do you always have to start licking people?”

[nikkic]

Overheard this between a couple in the queue for the loos post Mylie...

Girl : You were really rude to Gareth then.

Boy : What do you mean?

Girl : He came over to say hello and you just completely ignored him.

Boy : Look I’m here for the music, it’s called Glastonbury not Garethstonbury. 

[AiiShotTheDJ]

Stood at the back for Kylie- the guy next to me was waiting for Jason D to make an appearance. He commented “I bet she’ll drag up all the relics for this set- watch, Elvis will fucking turn up in a bit”. 

[pilton digger]

Ran into someone i know who asked what we had just seen. Told him Fat White Family. In all seriousness he asked if it was a Barry White tribute act.

[doogie]

When The Cure went off stage and the lights went down just before their finale:

"Well it's not going to be a costume change is it?"

[Spindles]

"Aw man, I needed that. That chunder really sorted me out mate"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah.  Got any ket?"

[Mr_Egregious]

In a broad Scouse accent from a nearby tent...

”SOMEONE’S HAD A SHIT ON A PLATE”

[sirjonnyp]

Be Thursday evening we were cleaning the toilet block next to the wow stage. It was heaving and trying to stop people from using cubicles as they became available was getting increasingly difficult as the queues built up. 

Me: sorry, we need to hold on to this one so my mate can clean it next. 

Her (thick scouse accent, looking utterly bewildered): why?! 

Me: we need to clean them. 

Her: BUT WHY?! 

[crocodiles]

Well dodged the fucking bullet robbie not turning up to duet with Kylie.....that was me after panicking for 5 mins the c**t may turn up 

[kalifire]

Not really Glasto related but as I was passing by William’s Green on Friday, I heard these words from a middle aged woman: “Just lube up your ass before you go out. Seriously. Trust me.”

Stayed with me all weekend, that. 

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

A group of guys leaving the Streets: “Have you got so and so? Yeah, don’t worry I’ve got his head” As this poor bloke was dragged out by his hair. 

[Quark]

"Of course it's sunny, it's called  Somerset for a reason. I mean it's not called Autumnset is it?"

[Aragorn]

2 middle aged blokes with their other halves and kids talking about poos in long drops

"yeah I like to wee on them I do, try and break them down abit, saw one the other day and it had what looked like a head on it - so I pissed on it and lopped the head off"

I turned round and laughed out loud as they carried on talking about it 

[the_arsonist]

This was about 8am Sunday heard from a nearby tent:

Lad 1: *makes very loud chundering noise*

About 5 mins pass...

Lad 2: Urgh mate were you just sick in the tent?

No response, a couple of minutes later...

Lad 1: What the fuck have I been sick or something?

[OddRon]

20 year old lad behind us instantly nudging his mate and going "I still would" when Kylie came out 

[TheGoodWillOut]

Guy on the phone to his wife “ yeah having a nice time love, just chilling at the mo, miss you and the kids” 

 

he was sat in a long drop at the time 

[doogie]

When Chris Martin appeared yet again:

"He'd better not show up to my grandson's barmitzvah next week"

[tumbles]

When Nick Cave came on

’Is that her Dad’

[sirjonnyp]

3 minutes ago, tumbles said:

When Nick Cave came on

’Is that her Dad’

Please tell that that was one of Seth or Sam?

[ICGenie]

Found myself walking behind a couple of youngsters who first said that they were planning to volunteer and skank their shifts if they hadn’t got tickets.  They then proceeded to talk about how this was the first festival where they hadn’t bought cheap disposable tents.

If it had been the Internet I’d have been convinced they were trolls...

[bucko]

Lad  "all the flys round here are doing my head in"

Lads mate " yeah that fuckin no fly zone hasn't worked very well"

[tumbles]

5 minutes ago, sirjonnyp said:

Please tell that that was one of Seth or Sam?

No. Sammy did manage to mutter ‘who’s Micheal’ on the Wednesday to me tho

[TKOCF]

”You’re an honorary member of the piss circle”

Also the lifting up of people on chairs just before Killers, the first time everyone chanted “DOWN IT DOWN IT” was funny, by the ninth time, not as much...

Edited July 1, 2019 by TKOCF

[Tartan_Glasto]

In the queue for the toilet at the Glastonbury sign.

Girl behind me: “I wish I could look as glamorous as those girls at a festival.”

Her friend: “What? Them?” (just as some less traditionally attractive women passed by)

Girl behind me: “Eww, god no”

Me: Burst out laughing at a pleasant comment going sour so quick. Turned to them and went “I love you” haha