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Struggling Enthusiasm


priest17
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This is the kind of topic I've been waiting for/looking for.

I struggle with anxiety and other MH issues a lot and I'm really struggling to find enthusiasm or excitement for this year, and it's only going to be my second one. 

The main thing for me (well, only reason) at the minute is the weather. My first was 2017 and it was perfect. I really struggle at festivals when the weather is bad and there's mud, as I feel I can't relax and have to be constantly watching where I'm walking/what I'm doing. I have OCD and don't do well with mess/mud ha! And the last week of constant rain where I am, and the doom and general misery being thrown around in the Weather topic isn't helping. I know it isn't something I should let affect me, but saying that to someone with pretty terrible anxiety issues and dodgy MH at the best of times is like telling a fire not to be hot.

I also know that this fear and stress doesn't compare half as much to other people's issues in here but I'm using it as a jumping off point ha! 

Big up to everyone who is struggling, and struggles, in here. You're all great and we'll inevitably have an absolute blast. Just shit in the run up init xoxo

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5 hours ago, PaintedInSand said:

Hey man. This is eerily similar to me. My wife and I split in February and were going through the same house stuff, she is buying me out etc. Luckily we're on very good terms, we have a 2 year old as well. But yeah, I'm currently living between my parents and a friends house is taking it's toll mentally before I can find my own place... Which is a daunting prospect. I've gone from knowing exactly what my future holds, to be totally and utterly uncertain. 

I feel like I physically need this festival this year to escape. We'll be ok, everything will be alright. 

Yes, similar here, timescales mean I doubt I'll be able to find an affordable house to move to before I have to move out of here, so I'll be probably staying with my sister for a while, which will be a little odd.

 

its the uncertainty thats causing me the most worry.

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I always think how you feel is how you feel, there's no such thing as you feeling it wrong. I think there's a lot of pressure to be 100% 'positive' and 100% enthusiastic, but I think that's a load of BS, why can't you be 'negative', sad, anxious or not enthusiastic? It's just where your head and heart are at the moment, the rest of your life doesn't vanish just because you're going to a festival. 

I think it's a better use of your energy to support yourself and how you're feeling rather than get down on yourself for it.

Maybe you'll get there and something will shift, or maybe not (it might be a stinker of a festival!) , but the one thing you can control is how you attend to yourself whatever you're feeling. 

 

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11 hours ago, paulshane said:

yes, I can understand, this will (hopefully) be my 20th Glastonbury, which should be something to shout about, but my partner of about 14 years recently decided that we were 'too different' and we split up, which has entailed her preparing to buy me out of our house, so I am looking for somewhere to live quite soon, which is quite a lot to think about , logistically and emotionally.

 

However, I have a bunch of friends also going to the festival, so it'll be good to see them and try not to worry too much about whats coming up in my life. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.

I am in this exact same situation only it's my wife of 30 years. It hurts like hell and Glasto is a huge driving force in keeping me going. it's what happens after that terrifies me. I wish you all the best comrade.

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10 hours ago, frostypaw said:

It happens, just accept that this one will be a bit different and go have a different time. There's no reason you have to be feeling screaming crazy about it - can just be like coming back home and comfortable. 

Here is full of fanatics, proper crazies who spend time ranting on the internerds to each other about glasto this glasto that and glasto the other - it can feel like a lot of pressure to be as excited but it's just the internerds. Many of the wild-eyed thrills they're anticipating wouldn't turn your head, they're psyched up about their particular festival. This year that's not your thing.

Can be a lovely change to watch the festival heave and shift and change rather than being caught up in the swell, instead taking a short swim when you fancy and admiring the view - it's just different and wonderful in a different way.

Probably be back getting all silly about it next year :)

This is lovely - yes, go with the flow of where you are before and during. It's your festival, no one else's and you can steer it and react to it however feels right for you. ?

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Every single time I go to the festival, at some stage I get the feeling of "I really couldn't be bothered being here and I'll not be coming back".  This usually only lasts for an hour or two, and usually it's when I've just spent an hour lugging all my gear from the car to the campsite, and still have to mess around with setting up camp etc.

However, once that tents up and I've cracked open my first can of cider the excitement instantly comes back.

Point being that it's normal to feel a bit unenthusiastic, I'm in a similar position although I know I just need to get there, get all set up and then I'll be in another world for a few days!

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I feel ya. A cumulative of a terrible start to the year, back problems, mental and physical (found out recently I shouldn't be drinking beer!) health issues , travelling up on my own, fear of a 2016 mud repeat (my first and most recent Glasto) and being a bit hot and cold on the line up is stifling my excitement. I know, however, once I've set up my tent and hopefully have that first random conversation with a stranger, all will be good.

In a way, I'm kind of glad you can't sell your ticket in a legit fashion. God knows there's been times in the past few weeks I've thought I'd prefer the easy route and go on a lounge-by-the-pool holiday instead; at least knowing the money's been spent and I'm not getting back nothing is going to stop me going!

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Also

6 hours ago, Mr.Tease said:

I always think how you feel is how you feel, there's no such thing as you feeling it wrong. I think there's a lot of pressure to be 100% 'positive' and 100% enthusiastic, but I think that's a load of BS, why can't you be 'negative', sad, anxious or not enthusiastic? It's just where your head and heart are at the moment, the rest of your life doesn't vanish just because you're going to a festival. 

I think it's a better use of your energy to support yourself and how you're feeling rather than get down on yourself for it.

Maybe you'll get there and something will shift, or maybe not (it might be a stinker of a festival!) , but the one thing you can control is how you attend to yourself whatever you're feeling.

These are wise words. As we can see from this thread, life can be tough enough without putting extra demands on yourself to feel a particular way. Just because Glastonbury is the best festival in the world, it doesn't mean you have to be at your best too, or even enjoy it all. At some point in every Glastonbury I've been to, I've felt old, tired, beaten down, fed up and over it. That's just called being human.

Observe the feeling, and let it pass. Don't dwell on it or give it a home, but appreciate whatever it's telling you and move on to something that better suits where you're at. There will always be something.

In 2015, I tried but failed to enjoy something the entire field seemed to be getting into, and retreated to the Stone Circle. At the bottom of the field, I happened upon a tipi which must have been set up for meditation or something. It had a little pond, and origami paper boats that you could put onto the pond and 'set sail'. I sat there for a while before picking up one of the boats, and imagined loading it up with the things that were weighing on me. I popped it onto the pond and pushed it away, picturing removing myself from the worries for a bit.

Little exercises like that might seem w*nky but can be hugely helpful in dealing with the mental burden life chucks at us sometimes, or the pressure we might feel to ENJOY things. It's OK that you don't, but I hope you find things you do. Hugs to you.

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Hope your festival goes well @priest17 and everyone else here.

I seem to go through peaks and troughs of feeling really excited, and then not wanting to go. It's a good thing I can't sell my ticket. If they cancelled the festival at short notice I would properly not be particularly bothered, which is quite sad really.

I struggle with anxiety and there is so much going on at Glastonbury that it can be overwhelming. Knowing that it can be such a fun and amazing place means that the pressure for it not to be ruined by my MH is ramped up. Sounds a bit pathetic that I'm complaining that the festival is just too good really!

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A great thread, and important to remember that not everyone can automatically get hyped up about the fest, marvelous as it is, whether that's due to external factors or just simply the line-up not doing it for them. 

A few years ago I broke up with my partner the week before the fest (she didn't have a ticket so at least there wasn't that awkwardness to contend with). I was a bit of a wreck and went there not knowing how I could possibly enjoy myself, and certain that if I got wrecked I would definitely cause some kind of scene. Turned out ok, climbed the hill to the crows nest on my own, had a quiet cup of tea and watched everything continue onwards. Helped provide some context that the world is a fucking massive place and that whatever happened when I left the fest, there I could always find somewhere quiet in a sea of people and contemplate the world. 

Through the baking sun, pouring rain and the sticky mud, I've every confidence that somewhere in that sea of people I will always be able to find a moment again, whether it's outragous euphoria or quiet solace. Feel what you have to feel, it's better than feeling nothing. 

Plus anything is better than being back in the office looking at spreadsheets again. 

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2016 was my low. Relationship evaporated just a few weeks after.

2017 was a sense of trepidation. I was worried about bringing back bad memories. I was lucky... things turned out no just OK, but properly marvellous. Once of the best “post Glasto honeymoon” ones I’ve ever done.

It seems - for me - when an annual event becomes such a big part of your life, it somehow becomes fused with everything else that year, in memories.

But rarely do they actually connect in cause and effect. So push on. You can, sometimes, go into it feeling little joy - but come out the other side beaming. (And indeed the opposite).

Push on, roll the dice.

best wishes to all.

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Thanks to all the advice and well wishing, and I obviously don't wish feeling like this on anyone but it's nice not feeling alone with it.

I'll be fine when I get there I'm sure, just hard to see past work and some of the thoughts depression's throwing my way, that's life though eh, doesn't time stuff around me.

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18 minutes ago, priest17 said:

Thanks to all the advice and well wishing, and I obviously don't wish feeling like this on anyone but it's nice not feeling alone with it.

I'll be fine when I get there I'm sure, just hard to see past work and some of the thoughts depression's throwing my way, that's life though eh, doesn't time stuff around me.

Are you going with friends or solo?

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With you all here. The past couple of weeks have been tough and my enthusiasm has been dwindling.

And to pile on the misery, received news yesterday that my Nan is very ill and may not pull through.

At the moment, I'm strongly considering not going next week but I guess I'll wait and see which way the wind blows. Family first.

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There are so many different ways of doing the festival - just because the most common description on here is the one of people absolutely caning it in a hedonistic way and enjoying themselves all the time doesn't mean that everyone does that - lots of people are just quietly doing it theirway, sober and reflective - seeking out other likeminded souls and using it as a chance to grab a little bit of healing here and there. 

The best thing about Glastonbury is the lack of judgement about the right way to be I think. If you feel slightly lost then always head up to the green fields and carve out a bit of space. There is always a welcome there. Plus cheap tea.

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In May 2015 my brother was diagnosed with terminal lung Cancer. He went down hill so quickly that he passed away on the Monday before the gates opened. I'd been in the hospice for 3 weeks straight with little sleep and very few breaks. Glastonbury was the last thing on my mind but my wife and sister convinced me to go. On the Wednesday and Thursday I put on a brave face and went through the motions but I wasn't coping well at all. However, that year it was a friend's first year and his enthusiasm and happiness of being there was infectious. He was completely blown away by the place and the experience. If it wasn't for him I might have gone home. The music started and on the Friday morning King Gizzard started playing and I felt myself smiling for the first time in weeks. It really is amazing how good friends and music can get you through the toughest times in your life.

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No, No, No.

Be positive. I know it is a controversial outlook, but I truly believe in the power of the mind. any mind, to overcome all doubt.

You will wake up on the first morning of the festival, see the whole freakin'n thing and (should) say to yourself, 'hey look at this, look at this!'

Glastonbury is the Cure (see what I did there~)

Talk to people, indulge in it, it is easy to do that. Nowhere in the world is it easier to do that.

If you ain't happy to be going you must be tripping, and you can change that.

*Willing to hold anyone's hand*

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10 hours ago, GrowlerPhil said:

[snip] Glastonbury was the last thing on my mind but my wife and sister convinced me to go.

The fact that this is such a heartfelt post is making it really difficult for me to make a slightly inappropriate 'wife and sister' joke. 

My wife has been really ill this year, in and out of hospital. She had a scan a week ago, and it wasn't looking great, and I spent an hour's drive got the hospital reconciling with myself that I wasn't going to go this year, planning how to best cancel my volunteer place etc. Got there in time to meet the consultant with her, who then ranted about the scan people worrying my wife, went through the scan in detail, explained that actually things were much better than before, and that there was nothing to worry about. 

I'm going now, without my wife as planned (she's a teacher) but it did remind me that Glastonbury is only a festival, albeit a special one, and it's easy to get a bit too attached / suffered from FOMO about it, even though it will be there (nearly) every year. 

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I absolutely love Glastonbury and have been super excited, but it’s definitely waned a bit over the past few days. I think that’s simply because it’s close, yet still far away... still another full week of work, still another weekend to go.. it will really ramp up again at the start of next week when it’s in touching distance.

I did have one moment in 2016, after being stuck in traffic all day, missing the fireworks and dragging all my stuff through endless mud in the middle of the night with my then wife just to get to the gate, when I thought what am I doing? I’m mid thirties, not had kids yet.. perhaps I should be at home living a very different life.

I split up with my wife almost a year ago, we’re still on good terms but I’ve only ever been to Glastonbury with her, so I’m very much looking forward to doing it without her (with friends though) to worry about and look after, even though we only ever had great times together there.

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