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The Joke Thread


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11 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Have you opened a Christmas cracker early?

In fairness to me..  When I shamelessly stole this joke I did so in the knowledge  that it had been awarded joke of the year at the Edinburgh Festival a few years ago. But like crime in multi storey car parks it is wrong on many levels..

 

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16 minutes ago, paddyclark said:

In fairness to me..  When I shamelessly stole this joke I did so in the knowledge  that it had been awarded joke of the year at the Edinburgh Festival a few years ago. But like crime in multi storey car parks it is wrong on many levels..

 

There was me thinking you were an underground comedian :) 

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2 hours ago, paddyclark said:

 it had been awarded joke of the year at the Edinburgh Festival a few years ago. 

Really!? I believe you, but find it hard to believe, if you know what I mean.

I went to the Edinburgh fringe many years ago. The only person who I saw and rated was Ross Noble. The others were shite, and I even had to walk out of one performance early, because I realised that my life was far too short to be squandered listening to a group of not funny people try to be funny.

I'm not sure why I've posted all that now, on reflection. However, it''s easier to leave as is than to delete.

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On 12/3/2019 at 8:08 PM, Ayrshire Chris said:

9C7505A0-9763-4F8F-8EF7-4E549C41A09B.png.924d4170f4417cbc74fcdde044f3f067.png

OK not a joke but a scene from the father Ted Xmas Special with the creepy Father Todd Unctious, desperate to steal Teds Golden Cleric award.  Absolutely brilliant comedy!  I can watch this programme over and over again! 

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/warrant-for-arrest-of-father-ted-actor-mcsorley-38752373.html

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8 hours ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

I’ve been subscribing to Osteopathy Monthly for 20 years

i have a lot of back issues. 

Oh my good God!

Come on now, let us all hold hands together, and pray to the little baby Jesus, that that's as bad as it will get. 

FFS Ayshire, what have you done? My mind's destroyed! lol

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16 minutes ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Oh my good God!

Come on now, let us all hold hands together, and pray to the little baby Jesus, that that's as bad as it will get. 

FFS Ayshire, what have you done? My mind's destroyed! lol

I feel quite ashamed of that joke now that I think about it.  I have a few crude but good jokes in mind to redress the balance . 

Edited by Ayrshire Chris
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6 minutes ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

I feel quite ashamed of that joke now that I think about it.  I have a few crude but good jokes in mind to redress the balance . 

Hello Ayshire.

Don't do crude jokes on here. Honestly, you'll get gunned down. I've tried it in the past and got gunned down every single time.

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1 hour ago, MrZigster said:

Biggest joke is how this country has voted.

Not At All Funny.

It is seriously unfunny, that's for sure. I've coped before but am having big problems with dealing with this one. Then again, the majority have spoken (kind of), so who am I to say that it shouldn't be this way? You just can't get through to some people that they are turkeys voting for Christmas. Maybe even that perspective is wrong, and that I should allow more grace to the electorate. However, watch what happens next in the next few years, and even 'they'll' know then, I'm sure of it. I am also sure that if they fuck about with 'OUR' NHS in a detrimental way, then I firmly believe that they'll be martyre's. Enough said.

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