Article on Girls Festival vulnerability

[scaryclaireyfairy]

To go back to the women looking after women thing - yes, yes yes. Men often don't have the radar for 'it' that women do. Not their fault,  their experiences have been entirely different and they can only do so much with the knowledge they have. Women, sadly, live it and can therefore spot it quicker.

My mate was cutting home through Silver Hayes a couple of years back and saw a young woman off her chomp stumbling around on her own. Mate changed course so she could check chick was ok. Before she got to her, 2 young men stopped and started chatting to her. They were a bit out of it themselves but quite probably completely decent guys, no reason to think otherwise. They were asking chick where she was camped etc, same as my mate would have. It would have been easy and pretty rational to leave them to it. Mate pondered exactly that cos she was tired and just wanted to be in her tent. Instead she asked chick if she knew these men and when the answer was no, thanked the men for their concern, grabbed her arm and carry/dragged her to the nearest member of staff she could find, explained the situation and left the girl with them. There's a good chance there was nothing at all sinister going on and everything would have been fine but what if... Those guys might have been mildly offended if they were sober enough to see how my mate read the situation but that's just how it is.

[DJL]

2 hours ago, gherkin8r said:

Everyone jumps on man

 

As was pointed out I don't think you (or your/our 50% of the gene pool) should feel 'attacked', in this context and frankly I'm not really bothered if you do - even if a victim of/someone who lives in ,fear of  sexual assault was angrily criticising your viewpoint and they weren't 100% in the right. Your feelings, or my own, as a man aren't particularly significant here in the context of the feelings of those that have been, or live with some fear of actually being, attacked. 

When men's role in this is called out I too feel defensive ("that's not me, not my friends etc.") but I challenge that as it doesn't help anyone and us men really aren't in danger of an actual attack here. I have faith that the other 50% of the gene pool, between them, have at least as much wisdom as I do on the matter and also have an informed perspective that i cannot  have.  There's plenty we can do as allies that don't involve that.

Please let it go man.

 

[mcshed]

25 minutes ago, scaryclaireyfairy said:

To go back to the women looking after women thing - yes, yes yes. Men often don't have the radar for 'it' that women do. Not their fault,  their experiences have been entirely different and they can only do so much with the knowledge they have. Women, sadly, live it and can therefore spot it quicker.

My mate was cutting home through Silver Hayes a couple of years back and saw a young woman off her chomp stumbling around on her own. Mate changed course so she could check chick was ok. Before she got to her, 2 young men stopped and started chatting to her. They were a bit out of it themselves but quite probably completely decent guys, no reason to think otherwise. They were asking chick where she was camped etc, same as my mate would have. It would have been easy and pretty rational to leave them to it. Mate pondered exactly that cos she was tired and just wanted to be in her tent. Instead she asked chick if she knew these men and when the answer was no, thanked the men for their concern, grabbed her arm and carry/dragged her to the nearest member of staff she could find, explained the situation and left the girl with them. There's a good chance there was nothing at all sinister going on and everything would have been fine but what if... Those guys might have been mildly offended if they were sober enough to see how my mate read the situation but that's just how it is.

Was just going to post something along these lines. When argumentative man says most men step in when they know something is happening he may be right but because we don't have the experience we likely don't even see it. If it was always obvious it wouldn't be a surprise that it happens so much.

[gherkin8r]

12 minutes ago, DJL said:

As was pointed out I don't think you (or your/our 50% of the gene pool) should feel 'attacked', in this context and frankly I'm not really bothered if you do - even if a victim of/someone who lives in ,fear of  sexual assault was angrily criticising your viewpoint and they weren't 100% in the right. Your feelings, or my own, as a man aren't particularly significant here in the context of the feelings of those that have been, or live with some fear of actually being, attacked. 

When men's role in this is called out I too feel defensive ("that's not me, not my friends etc.") but I challenge that as it doesn't help anyone and us men really aren't in danger of an actual attack here. I have faith that the other 50% of the gene pool, between them, have at least as much wisdom as I do on the matter and also have an informed perspective that i cannot  have.  There's plenty we can do as allies that don't involve that.

Please let it go man.

 

I have let it go. I wasn't claiming to have been attacked in any physical sense. Surely we're able to differentiate t between the two. I have accepted repeatedly that I can't understand the feelings of those who have experienced this type of attack and haven't said that they shouldn't feel that way or doubted the existence of the problem as a whole. 

Im trying to be rational about this and look at the overall picture rather than getting carried away and making crazy generalisations like saying women need to stick together because men don't take them seriously. Like I said I'm letting this go because it's clearly an emotive topic and it appears to cloud people's ability to reason. 

[clarkete]

Agree with everything @DJLsaid.

They do need to stick together because not enough men take them seriously. Plenty of men unfortunately point that out in black and white every day. 

[H.M.V]

17 minutes ago, gherkin8r said:

Like I said I'm letting this go because it's clearly an emotive topic and it appears to cloud people's ability to reason. 

Stop baiting please and using the usual hysterical trope. It's quite transparent. 

[Mich1268]

I remember in 16, a young woman completely out of it being talked to, a lot, by a group of young men she said she did not know. It did not look right to me so I was worried. I didn't leave her until a friend came along. I am sure they meant nothing but not worth taking the risk I'm afraid. Not great for guys I know but, as a woman, I was just not prepared to walk away until I was sure she was safe.  

[gherkin8r]

9 minutes ago, H.M.V said:

Stop baiting please and using the usual hysterical trope. It's quite transparent. 

You're making the false assumption here that this was aimed at women. 

[keepad]

I think we should all look after each other and that people should take in to account that men DO actually get assaulted.

But I feel if it relates to a man it is not taken seriously. I know it may no be that common or just not reported, but assault is assault.

On a lighter note let us all have fun and keep a look out for each other.

[CaledonianGonzo]

2 minutes ago, keepad said:

I think we should all look after each other and that people should take in to account that men DO actually get assaulted.

But I feel if it relates to a man it is not taken seriously. I know it may no be that common or just not reported, but assault is assault.

It's still men who're doing the assaulting.

[keepad]

Like  i said it is not that common for a man to be assaulted but it still happens. 

Edited June 9, 2019 by keepad

[barkley87]

3 minutes ago, keepad said:

Like  i said it is not that common for a man to be assaulted but it still happens. 

That's true. But what does it have to do with an article about women being vulnerable at festivals? ?

[DJL]

1 hour ago, gherkin8r said:

I have let it go. I wasn't claiming to have been attacked in any physical sense. Surely we're able to differentiate t between the two. I have accepted repeatedly that I can't understand the feelings of those who have experienced this type of attack and haven't said that they shouldn't feel that way or doubted the existence of the problem as a whole. 

Im trying to be rational about this and look at the overall picture rather than getting carried away and making crazy generalisations like saying women need to stick together because men don't take them seriously. Like I said I'm letting this go because it's clearly an emotive topic and it appears to cloud people's ability to reason. 

Well done on clearly and absolutely letting it go

[Homer]

8 minutes ago, DJL said:

Well done on clearly and absolutely letting it go

He even said he had twice - so there you go.

[gherkin8r]

Thx m8

[keepad]

32 minutes ago, barkley87 said:

That's true. But what does it have to do with an article about women being vulnerable at festivals? ?

Fair point, I was just trying to make awareness  that all people could be vulnerable, but you are correct I may be going off from the OP.

i wish everybody a safe festival.

[zico martin]

Taking the family for the first time this year which includes my 16 year old daughter and her best friend. Whilst we could insist on them being with us the whole festival, in reality I don't expect to see them much more than once or twice a day, any tips?  I was thinking of having a word with the campsite stewardship keep a special eye out or is that just daft?

Guess it's about getting the balance right. She's a sensible kid and we want her to have some freedom but i do worry obvs

[tarw]

1 minute ago, zico martin said:

Taking the family for the first time this year which includes my 16 year old daughter and her best friend. Whilst we could insist on them being with us the whole festival, in reality I don't expect to see them much more than once or twice a day, any tips?  I was thinking of having a word with the campsite stewardship keep a special eye out or is that just daft?

Guess it's about getting the balance right. She's a sensible kid and we want her to have some freedom but i do worry obvs

I would say that you would know your daughter better than most. Has she got the skills to keep her and her friend as safe as possible. Will she be in a state to make sensible decisions?

I'm sure the campsite stewards will be very supportive and if it reassures you mention it to them. Personally I would say to give them as much freedom as you are comfortable with. Give her advice and maybe a personal attack alarm if she wants one

[Crazyfool01]

6 minutes ago, zico martin said:

Taking the family for the first time this year which includes my 16 year old daughter and her best friend. Whilst we could insist on them being with us the whole festival, in reality I don't expect to see them much more than once or twice a day, any tips?  I was thinking of having a word with the campsite stewardship keep a special eye out or is that just daft?

Guess it's about getting the balance right. She's a sensible kid and we want her to have some freedom but i do worry obvs

using that what3words app might be able to give you a bit of confidence of being able to find her and for her and others to be able to summon help if necessary ... ive installed it because medically it might help me but it seems it might be appropriate for use by others on this thread in a worst case scenario 

[zico martin]

1 minute ago, tarw said:

I would say that you would know your daughter better than most. Has she got the skills to keep her and her friend as safe as possible. Will she be in a state to make sensible decisions?

I'm sure the campsite stewards will be very supportive and if it reassures you mention it to them. Personally I would say to give them as much freedom as you are comfortable with. Give her advice and maybe a personal attack alarm if she wants one

Yeah that's exactly it. She doesn't get drunk really (a couple of ciders at parties) and they're both pretty sensible. And a personal alarm is obligatory as far as I'm concerned. Thanks

[zico martin]

1 minute ago, crazyfool1 said:

using that what3words app might be able to give you a bit of confidence of being able to find her and for her and others to be able to summon help if necessary ... ive installed it because medically it might help me but it seems it might be appropriate for use by others on this thread in a worst case scenario 

Yes good idea. I was planning on using it to find our tents anyway

[tarw]

Just seen that like me your a father. If possible I would ask a female family member to give her advice on staying safe as well. Even though I know some of the risks I would not pretend to know them all. 

[zico martin]

10 minutes ago, tarw said:

Just seen that like me your a father. If possible I would ask a female family member to give her advice on staying safe as well. Even though I know some of the risks I would not pretend to know them all. 

My wife is coming too so I guess I could involve her

[Mich1268]

24 minutes ago, zico martin said:

Taking the family for the first time this year which includes my 16 year old daughter and her best friend. Whilst we could insist on them being with us the whole festival, in reality I don't expect to see them much more than once or twice a day, any tips?  I was thinking of having a word with the campsite stewardship keep a special eye out or is that just daft?

Guess it's about getting the balance right. She's a sensible kid and we want her to have some freedom but i do worry obvs

I found it pretty challenging taking my 16 year old son as I was worried about him doing something daft. The good thing was he couldn't get served but then could ask someone couldn't he...it's the usual, don't take anything offered. Be wary of free drinks. Phone must always be on and charged. I also told him he had to be back by 1am. But that's just me. I felt once he is 18 he is free to do whatever but whilst I have charge of him. He has to take on board some safety rules, otherwise homeward bound because I would spend whole time worrying about him. She sounds sensible though. I am sure it will be ok though.

[carlosj]

35 minutes ago, zico martin said:

Taking the family for the first time this year which includes my 16 year old daughter and her best friend. Whilst we could insist on them being with us the whole festival, in reality I don't expect to see them much more than once or twice a day, any tips?  I was thinking of having a word with the campsite stewardship keep a special eye out or is that just daft?

Guess it's about getting the balance right. She's a sensible kid and we want her to have some freedom but i do worry obvs

I think of my step daughters, and my advice to them is to identify exits (indoor gigs), don't accept things off people, identify and arrange meet up points for when they're separated. The only other thing is how is your family with crowds and those crushes getting through certain places after acts?