The most smashed you’ve ever been?? (At the festival.)

[semmtexx]

2 hours ago, mashedonmud said:

There's very few people on this planet I'd recognise from that angle,

Pleased to report I Do Not Recognise this person, I do however feel their pain.

It has proven very helpful in enabling me to put an image to some of the stories I've recently read.

Many thanks,  

You're welcome! ?

[Penrhos]

I was at my first Glasto and had to go for a shit. After 20 minutes a friend banged on the long drop door to check I was ok - apparently there was a feeble reply from inside... " I'm too stoned to shit" - bastards left me there for another 20 minutes. Later that night I needed to go again and opened the door on a turdis in the queue for SEC and stepped in, I had to go and my mates could hear groaning and heaving noises from inside then the door swung open and I fell out with my pants around my knees, I gave myself a wipe and got back up.

I'd fallen off the seat after topping a pyramid of crap that was a good 6" above the level of the seat - didn't get anything on me, not bad considering I couldn't even walk straight.

[henry bear]

Overdid the low-fat yoghurt one year. Scenes. Was totally Müllered.

[Spindles]

On 11/14/2018 at 11:15 PM, Purple aki squat said:

The night Jacko died.

Remember a thunderstorm and the rest is blank. Can only assume I had a great time.

Still one of the all time classic nights at Glastonbury that night.  Started with a storm, every mother fucker in the place shuffled down to the SE corner without any of the safety measures in place and it was just a great mood among the crowd.

 

Couple of nights later I've got about 6 lost hours from a blackout that ended up with me stood outside my tent with no idea how I'd got there, soaked to the skin with no idea why.  I'd drunk a bottle of rum and washed down some delicacies from the herbal high stalls that were absolutely everywhere that year.  I was at Kasabian when I necked the rum and sheep dip pills, it has remained a blank ever since, apart from 3 tiny slivers of memory that are like a second long from what I assume was the first couple of hours.

 

What I learned from this is that you shouldn't take sheep pills with neat rum, probably best to employ a mixer.

[Johnnyseven]

8 hours ago, Spindles said:

delicacies from the herbal high stalls that were absolutely everywhere that year.

Me and some mates bought some of these one year, necked them and after a period of time felt nothing so decided they were rubbish. So what did we do, went back and bought another load and necked those too. All I can say is that they did work and worked a treat. I have a very hazy memory of the rest of the night. I know we went to see Jim Bob from Carter USM and I was rather too enthsiastic and spent the set shouting at him to play Sheriff Fatman. I also remember going to one of theatre tents and thinking it was like being in one of those strange clubs in David Lynch movie and anytime soon something awesome was going to happen, nothing happened. I also remember going somewhere in the SE Corner where a transvestite was riding on a swing singing Poison by Alice Cooper.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Johnnyseven

[duke88]

18 hours ago, Neondrift said:

I have a shit-related story although not quite as messy..

It was a Friday morning I believe, after going hard on the Thursday festivities, I awoke at around 5:30am still a bit smashed and really needing to take a dump.

Without thinking, I leapt out of my tent and stumbled towards the nearest portaloo. (And yes, portaloo as apposed to long drop. It was in either Kidney Mead or Cockmill Meadow if I remember right ??). Everything was going fine & I finished up my business before I came to the unfortunate realisation that I was too drunk to remember to bring toilet paper, and the walk had sobered me up too much to not care about that.

I remembered that since I had fallen asleep & woken up in the same clothes, my phone was in my pocket so I went to contact someone for bog roll. Alas, no battery. As it was early morning I could already hear a small queue building outside and so in a panic I scanned through the inside of the portaloo for anything to help the situation. And then there it was. 

A discarded Walkers crisp packet. Salt & Vinegar. You can only imagine how that went down.

 

Moral of the story: REMEMBER TO BRING TOILET PAPER!

I had the something similar walking back to the car one morning to get supplies. Had to wipe my arse on an envelope. It was not fun. Had to have a proper clean up with the wet wipes back in the tent. Never go anywhere without toilet paper now!

[Rubber Soldier]

King Gizz secret set in the Crow’s Nest was my Saturday headliner last year. I may or may not have taken quite a lot of ecstasy. And I may or may not have biffed out several times during the set. I also may or may not have asked my brother after the set why Stu had been sitting on a chair for the set. He hadn’t been sitting on a chair for the set. What a fucking set it was though. 

[stuartbert two hats]

1 hour ago, Rubber Soldier said:

King Gizz secret set in the Crow’s Nest was my Saturday headliner last year. I may or may not have taken quite a lot of ecstasy. And I may or may not have biffed out several times during the set. I also may or may not have asked my brother after the set why Stu had been sitting on a chair for the set. He hadn’t been sitting on a chair for the set. What a fucking set it was though. 

I wasn't even there.

[Rubber Soldier]

5 hours ago, stuartbert two hats said:

I wasn't even there.

Oh fuck. 

[MetaKate]

5 hours ago, stuartbert two hats said:

I wasn't even there.

 

31 minutes ago, Rubber Soldier said:

Oh fuck. 

???

[Miesh]

Thank you everyone. I've just read through the whole thread and it has really made me laugh.

I'm glad you all survived to tell the tales.

Special thanks to @Stokesy10 I'd never heard it called regretamine before (not taken it myself but it fits from what I've seen). Also you said you were excite. This was one of my phrases when I was little ?

[Quark]

This has whetted the appetite for the annual classic that is the "Seen & heard at Glastonbury" thread

[Boris]

Fantastic thread. Absolutely love it. My own shame goes too deep. ????

[bamber]

Wow.

I ended up in the Welfare tent once about 4-5 years ago. I just woke up there. No recollections. But that was not the most smashed I ever was at Glastonbury. I don't think I was very bad that night, I was just trying to cop off with someone who thought I was ready for the Welfare tent.

The worst was the height of the Brothers Pear Cider Frenzy. 2004?. What a mess that was. I was one of the men shimmying up the flagpoles, getting quite high actually then falling. People got minor injuries. It was not big or clever.

[bamber]

I've never done a class A drug.

My Friends have though.

One year, mid eighties, I was in an open-fronted, large, teepee tent above the Pyramid, North side of the Valley, very late. Everyone in there except me was high as fuck on either LSD or Mushrooms. I would have been baked. We were watching the late night laser show that happened in those days. All cool. Then, out of nowhere a massive Lightning Bolt struck a tree on the opposite side of the valley (way outside the perimeter fence - as it was in those days)

We saw an Oak tree split in two in front of our eyes.

I was some way behind everyone else in that tent, but fuck, imagine that.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I've just recalled a mushroom incident which saw me clutching on to the grass outside my tent. For a not so brief period of time, I got the notion that the earth had lost it's gravitational pull, and that it was only by clinging on to tufts of grass, that I was able to stop myself from shooting in to orbit. While looking up at the sky, thinking that I'm going to be heading there at any moment, I saw a fucking rabbit hurtle to the earth like a meteorite, hit the deck, and then shoot off in to the distance in between the surrounding tents. I turned to my mate (Dean) and said something along the lines of 'Fuck me, did you see that'? He turned to me and said 'No, but I heard it'. 

[fuzzy_logic]

1998 - Friday night, it had been raining for what felt like 24hours and most of the central part of the site was underwater. Stumbled over to the 'world/jazz stage' as it was then called to see the mighty Porishead, took me forever to get there. Took up position in a prime spot which I was very proud of. They were late on as they couldn't get to the stage due to the weather/mud so the crowd was stood in the wet for ages. I was soaked to the skin so when the need arose to have a wazz I just thought f**k it I'm gonna do it stood here, getting to a bog now would be tough. It was actually quite nice while it lasted ( warmed me up..! Lol) it was only after the band had finished and the crowd slowly moved I discovered I'd been stood in a hole that was about 2ft deep ?? the rest of the field was actually okish. Suitability embarrassed I wondered off into the night...

[Martin Ashford]

1987 - pissed and stoned all weekend and then somebody offered us some hash "fudge". I had a good sized lump. Next thing I was high as a kite and kept getting higher. "Fuck me, I'm tripping" says I to myself. My mates were laughing their heads off but I wasn't expecting it at all so was not a happy bunny. My mate had a green head torch which turned into a dancing pixie (of course)  - this was utterly insane. It went on for hours - my tent started levitating. Unfortunately, I had been to see The Fly (the Jeff Goldblum one) earlier in the year and it was, and still is, like a really bad trip. It terrified the bejeezus out of me.  As you can imagine, I was "changing" or at least part of my mind locked onto The Fly and I just wanted to come down and be normal lol.

[Superscally]

35 minutes ago, Martin Ashford said:

1987 - pissed and stoned all weekend and then somebody offered us some hash "fudge". I had a good sized lump. Next thing I was high as a kite and kept getting higher. "Fuck me, I'm tripping" says I to myself. My mates were laughing their heads off but I wasn't expecting it at all so was not a happy bunny. My mate had a green head torch which turned into a dancing pixie (of course)  - this was utterly insane. It went on for hours - my tent started levitating. Unfortunately, I had been to see The Fly (the Jeff Goldblum one) earlier in the year and it was, and still is, like a really bad trip. It terrified the bejeezus out of me.  As you can imagine, I was "changing" or at least part of my mind locked onto The Fly and I just wanted to come down and be normal lol.

When did Taylor Swift come to you and tell you to live under a tarpaulin in the shrubs in her back garden? ??

[mashedonmud]

Thought this thread had been placed into the 'top secret' section and wouldn't be seen for twenty five years.   

[Kalopsia]

On 11/16/2018 at 10:04 AM, duke88 said:

I had the something similar walking back to the car one morning to get supplies. Had to wipe my arse on an envelope. It was not fun. Had to have a proper clean up with the wet wipes back in the tent. Never go anywhere without toilet paper now!

I've had to do it with paracetamol leaflets as I had my toiletries bag with fuck all bog roll in.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Kalopsia