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Advice needed: Wedding invite for the 28th June 2019


Sasperella
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6 hours ago, Sasperella said:

Hey Team :)

I woke up to a bit of a curveball this morning - a friend that I didn't even know was engaged announced she is having a "non-wedding" party on the 28th June in Tuscany. She lives in Hong Kong and they have decided not to have a traditional wedding but are instead getting the official marriage bit done in HK and then having a party to celebrate with friend and family in Italy.

The bit of backstory here is that she has been part of our core Glastonbury crew for the last two years. She's invited me and two of the other core Glasto team members, despite knowing that we were all intending to go to this year as she's still in our Glasto WhatsApp group. She says she got her dates mixed up and hasn't booked a venue yet, but that's the only data available for the venue they are looking at. After we pointed out its glastonbury weekend, she said that if we can't make it she will understand and suggested that perhaps the following weekend the four of us could have a nice chilled weekend in a villa in Tuscany with her husband (who we haven't actually ever met)

Now, I am obviously keen to still do Glastonbury and arrange a nice Tuscany weekend with the five of us the following week. Particularly as we probably won't know anyone else at the "wedding" and she may well be too busy entertaining to spend much time with us. However, the other two invitees (who are a couple) think it is poor form to pick a festival over a wedding. To make things more complicated, there are other friends of mine who are intending to come to Glastonbury who haven't been invited to the 'wedding" (despite the fact that a couple of them do actually know her pretty well).

Is it a dick move to pick Glastonbury over a wedding? Is it less bad if it's not a real wedding and you can see the bride and groom the following weekend? Is it ok to RSVP in April if we end up totally failing to get tickets? If my two friends choose the wedding and I pick Glastonbury, am I the worst person ever? Presumably if they go to the wedding, the weekend in Tuscany a week later will be off and I won't see her at all.... 

I'm having a crisis call to discuss this with the two other invitees later this evening. However, some efestivals advice wouldn't go amiss. 

As if the approaching T-Day wasn't stressful enough! :wacko:

Fuck that, it's not even a wedding.

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1 hour ago, Pear_Cider said:

So, @Sasperella...how did the crisis call with your two friends (the other invitees) go last night?

Good :) The situation has been downgraded from a "crisis" to an "urgent matter"

Basically, the three of us still want to go to Glastonbury and then see her the weekend after. They're currently engaging in some acts of diplomacy with her to check that she is actually happy to see us then and that we're not just going to be just crashing some sort of romantic Tuscan honeymoon....discussions which I am not involved in as they can't trust me not to say something insensitive. Which is probably fair :lol:

We have scheduled another call for this evening to hopefully resolve the issue!

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1 hour ago, stuartbert two hats said:

You just want someone's permission to turn her down. You don't come on a Glastonbury forum for unbiased advice! ?

But of course :D

Although actually all the other people I've asked in real life have also said to pick Glastonbury. Notably though, they are mostly my friends who are also hoping to get tickets, so there may be some vested interests there also. 

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3 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Good :) The situation has been downgraded from a "crisis" to an "urgent matter"

Basically, the three of us still want to go to Glastonbury and then see her the weekend after. They're currently engaging in some acts of diplomacy with her to check that she is actually happy to see us then and that we're not just going to be just crashing some sort of romantic Tuscan honeymoon....discussions which I am not involved in as they can't trust me not to say something insensitive. Which is probably fair :lol:

We have scheduled another call for this evening to hopefully resolve the issue!

See this is where I struggle with things like this (although it may not be the case with your soon to be wedded compadre). People making an offer, but secretly wanting you to say "are you really sure?" so they can then say that they actually don't want you to take up that offer.

Say what you bloody mean people!  And don't get pissed if I take that at face value!

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6 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Good :) The situation has been downgraded from a "crisis" to an "urgent matter"

Basically, the three of us still want to go to Glastonbury and then see her the weekend after. They're currently engaging in some acts of diplomacy with her to check that she is actually happy to see us then and that we're not just going to be just crashing some sort of romantic Tuscan honeymoon....discussions which I am not involved in as they can't trust me not to say something insensitive. Which is probably fair :lol:

We have scheduled another call for this evening to hopefully resolve the issue!

All good then....see you at the efests meet!! :D

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20 hours ago, Sasperella said:

Hey Team :)

I woke up to a bit of a curveball this morning - a friend that I didn't even know was engaged announced she is having a "non-wedding" party on the 28th June in Tuscany. She lives in Hong Kong and they have decided not to have a traditional wedding but are instead getting the official marriage bit done in HK and then having a party to celebrate with friend and family in Italy.

The bit of backstory here is that she has been part of our core Glastonbury crew for the last two years. She's invited me and two of the other core Glasto team members, despite knowing that we were all intending to go to this year as she's still in our Glasto WhatsApp group. She says she got her dates mixed up and hasn't booked a venue yet, but that's the only data available for the venue they are looking at. After we pointed out its glastonbury weekend, she said that if we can't make it she will understand and suggested that perhaps the following weekend the four of us could have a nice chilled weekend in a villa in Tuscany with her husband (who we haven't actually ever met)

Now, I am obviously keen to still do Glastonbury and arrange a nice Tuscany weekend with the five of us the following week. Particularly as we probably won't know anyone else at the "wedding" and she may well be too busy entertaining to spend much time with us. However, the other two invitees (who are a couple) think it is poor form to pick a festival over a wedding. To make things more complicated, there are other friends of mine who are intending to come to Glastonbury who haven't been invited to the 'wedding" (despite the fact that a couple of them do actually know her pretty well).

Is it a dick move to pick Glastonbury over a wedding? Is it less bad if it's not a real wedding and you can see the bride and groom the following weekend? Is it ok to RSVP in April if we end up totally failing to get tickets? If my two friends choose the wedding and I pick Glastonbury, am I the worst person ever? Presumably if they go to the wedding, the weekend in Tuscany a week later will be off and I won't see her at all.... 

I'm having a crisis call to discuss this with the two other invitees later this evening. However, some efestivals advice wouldn't go amiss. 

As if the approaching T-Day wasn't stressful enough! :wacko:

I read it until you said she was core Glastonbury crew, then realised if she was core crew she would understand why you cant make it.

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12 minutes ago, shuttlep said:

I read it until you said she was core Glastonbury crew, then realised if she was core crew she would understand why you cant make it.

Yeah.  This isn't a dilemma.  A dilemma is the actual wedding date of a good friend who doesn't go to Glastonbury.

See you at the Ridge and Furrow!

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20 hours ago, Sasperella said:

Hey Team :)

I woke up to a bit of a curveball this morning - a friend that I didn't even know was engaged announced she is having a "non-wedding" party on the 28th June in Tuscany. She lives in Hong Kong and they have decided not to have a traditional wedding but are instead getting the official marriage bit done in HK and then having a party to celebrate with friend and family in Italy.

The bit of backstory here is that she has been part of our core Glastonbury crew for the last two years. She's invited me and two of the other core Glasto team members, despite knowing that we were all intending to go to this year as she's still in our Glasto WhatsApp group. She says she got her dates mixed up and hasn't booked a venue yet, but that's the only data available for the venue they are looking at. After we pointed out its glastonbury weekend, she said that if we can't make it she will understand and suggested that perhaps the following weekend the four of us could have a nice chilled weekend in a villa in Tuscany with her husband (who we haven't actually ever met)

Now, I am obviously keen to still do Glastonbury and arrange a nice Tuscany weekend with the five of us the following week. Particularly as we probably won't know anyone else at the "wedding" and she may well be too busy entertaining to spend much time with us. However, the other two invitees (who are a couple) think it is poor form to pick a festival over a wedding. To make things more complicated, there are other friends of mine who are intending to come to Glastonbury who haven't been invited to the 'wedding" (despite the fact that a couple of them do actually know her pretty well).

Is it a dick move to pick Glastonbury over a wedding? Is it less bad if it's not a real wedding and you can see the bride and groom the following weekend? Is it ok to RSVP in April if we end up totally failing to get tickets? If my two friends choose the wedding and I pick Glastonbury, am I the worst person ever? Presumably if they go to the wedding, the weekend in Tuscany a week later will be off and I won't see her at all.... 

I'm having a crisis call to discuss this with the two other invitees later this evening. However, some efestivals advice wouldn't go amiss. 

As if the approaching T-Day wasn't stressful enough! :wacko:

I'd wait to RSVP in April once you know for certain that you have tickets and that way you are still giving plenty notice. However the fact that she has given you the option of going the weekend after would be the green light for me to go to Glasto never mind the fact that shes part of your core crew then she should realise that booking those dates make it difficult. 

I'll be getting married in Italy in 2021 but In July and we made the decision not to have it the same year as the big 2020 anniversary as people we know (and us) would struggle with leave etc to go considering it would be so close to the end of the festival. At least if it's 2021 then we can leave it up to our friends to decide if they want to attend with no pressure from us and hopefully no dilemma's over leave.

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49 minutes ago, Quark said:

See this is where I struggle with things like this (although it may not be the case with your soon to be wedded compadre). People making an offer, but secretly wanting you to say "are you really sure?" so they can then say that they actually don't want you to take up that offer.

Say what you bloody mean people!  And don't get pissed if I take that at face value!

Oh god, in this case I really hope that isn't what she's doing! I'm hoping for just a "of course!!!!" And then I'm hoping I get a ticket so this whole drama will be worth it haha!

17 minutes ago, Doug85 said:

I'll be getting married in Italy in 2021 but In July and we made the decision not to have it the same year as the big 2020 anniversary as people we know (and us) would struggle with leave etc to go considering it would be so close to the end of the festival. At least if it's 2021 then we can leave it up to our friends to decide if they want to attend with no pressure from us and hopefully no dilemma's over leave.

This is exceptionally considerate. More of this sort of thing needed amongst people in love and planning weddings :)

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1 hour ago, stuartbert two hats said:

Yeah.  This isn't a dilemma.  A dilemma is the actual wedding date of a good friend who doesn't go to Glastonbury.

See you at the Ridge and Furrow!

and what kind of glastonbury friend arranges a wedding for that weekend

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I'm getting married the weekend before Glasto. Most of the wedding party are going to be trying to get tickets, us included, and I wouldn't want to make the mistake of making them choose between the two. I'd be most nervous about the bride choosing Glasto over the wedding to be fair. On that note, I know which I would choose too...

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I've been to two weddings abroad.  Was happy to go and spend the money because I got to go somewhere I might not otherwise think to go and have a party (both with a free bar!).  However, one of the couples I haven't seen since and the other I've seen once.  The weddings were both nearly 10 years ago.  Even though we were good friends they didn't live in my city and they invited everyone they knew knowing that lots of people couldn't make it.

So I would ask yourself: Will you see her again after the wedding? Is your friendship that close if she lives in Hong Kong and you didn't know she was engaged?   Is the relationship based on a faux familiarity because of social media, etc?  I think of these things all the time before I make a sacrifice now.  I wouldn't want to look back and think I gave up a Glastonbury on something that wasn't real. 

 

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10 hours ago, stuartbert two hats said:

Yeah.  This isn't a dilemma.  A dilemma is the actual wedding date of a good friend who doesn't go to Glastonbury.

See you at the Ridge and Furrow!

What he said. And if you don’t get tickets you could tell her that you’ve sacrificed your beloved Glastonbury week to go to her party- and hopefully make her feel a bit guilty into the bargain. ?

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I actually had a similar problem a few years ago.

 

A good mate of mine was engaged and due to get married in 2015, but had no date set.

 

Around early Sept 2014, the invites went out and he kindly messaged those of us that usually do Glastonbury and said words to the effect of ‘I know its risky putting it on Glastonbury weekend as I’d like all my mates to be there, but don’t feel pressured to come to the wedding instead if you want to do Glastonbury’ 

 

T-Day 2014 rolls round and everyone who went for tickets got them bar me and one other mate, so we then had a dilemma, I spoke to the groom again and said if I got tickets in the re-sale I’d go, if I didn’t I’d be at his wedding, he was fine with that.

 

We got tickets in the resale, so I never went to the wedding.

 

As a sort of compromise all of us that had tickets to Glastonbury made sure we were at the stag-do which was abroad and cost me £500 in itself only 3 weeks before Glastonbury so he knew we’d made the effort.

 

It sounds like this friend is fine with you going to Glastonbury so just see her the weekend after  (tickets permitting of course!)

 

?

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