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Sasperella

Advice needed: Wedding invite for the 28th June 2019

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Hey Team :)

I woke up to a bit of a curveball this morning - a friend that I didn't even know was engaged announced she is having a "non-wedding" party on the 28th June in Tuscany. She lives in Hong Kong and they have decided not to have a traditional wedding but are instead getting the official marriage bit done in HK and then having a party to celebrate with friend and family in Italy.

The bit of backstory here is that she has been part of our core Glastonbury crew for the last two years. She's invited me and two of the other core Glasto team members, despite knowing that we were all intending to go to this year as she's still in our Glasto WhatsApp group. She says she got her dates mixed up and hasn't booked a venue yet, but that's the only data available for the venue they are looking at. After we pointed out its glastonbury weekend, she said that if we can't make it she will understand and suggested that perhaps the following weekend the four of us could have a nice chilled weekend in a villa in Tuscany with her husband (who we haven't actually ever met)

Now, I am obviously keen to still do Glastonbury and arrange a nice Tuscany weekend with the five of us the following week. Particularly as we probably won't know anyone else at the "wedding" and she may well be too busy entertaining to spend much time with us. However, the other two invitees (who are a couple) think it is poor form to pick a festival over a wedding. To make things more complicated, there are other friends of mine who are intending to come to Glastonbury who haven't been invited to the 'wedding" (despite the fact that a couple of them do actually know her pretty well).

Is it a dick move to pick Glastonbury over a wedding? Is it less bad if it's not a real wedding and you can see the bride and groom the following weekend? Is it ok to RSVP in April if we end up totally failing to get tickets? If my two friends choose the wedding and I pick Glastonbury, am I the worst person ever? Presumably if they go to the wedding, the weekend in Tuscany a week later will be off and I won't see her at all.... 

I'm having a crisis call to discuss this with the two other invitees later this evening. However, some efestivals advice wouldn't go amiss. 

As if the approaching T-Day wasn't stressful enough! :wacko:

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17 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Is it a dick move to pick Glastonbury over a wedding?

No.

I once warned my sister that if/when she gets married, she needs to avoid the last weekend in June if she wants me there.

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I would prioritise Glastonbury.  Your friend has given you the option celebrate with them the weekend after, which I doubt she would have done if she was pissed off.

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Video call from Glastonbury.  She'll be well jealous.

Who on earth/efestival books anything other than time off work at the end of June. I even had the end of June free in fallow year. 😉 Just in case. 

Edited by mashedonmud

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21 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Am I the worst person ever?

No!

I've now missed two weddings over the years - they know the rules.

Be honest, say you'll go if the ticket gods aren't smiling (they will be) and sort out the following weekend. If you can manage and finance that option then, surely, this is the best of both worlds?

 

 

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I knew I could count on this forum for a bit of advice I want to listen to :lol:

3 minutes ago, Fishman said:

Be honest, say you'll go if the ticket gods aren't smiling (they will be) 

I think this is a crucial thing actually - the three of us may as well all try on T-Day as per the plan, and then if we don't get through or if most of our other friends fail to get tickets just decide what to do between now and April. I think there's never a valid reason NOT to try for a ticket which is largely refundable. 

 

5 minutes ago, mashedonmud said:

FaceTime from Glastonbury.  She'll be well jealous.

Ahahaha! That would go down brilliantly I'm sure

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I'm thinking you gonna get a lot of people being pro Glastonbury on here. But a very balanced way to solve your issue, I think. 

You're gonna go to Glastonbury.  Yeeeeeeeeeh

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Me, i’d probably go to the wedding. Glastonbury is great, but friends/family are more important, i think. Obviously it depends on how close you are, but i can think of half a dozen people where i’d prioritse their wedding over the big G

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The fact that it's not even the actual wedding and it's just a party abroad means you should feel even less guilty about not going.

 

Unless it's family I dont feel you should be inclined to go anyone's wedding if it's out the country, IMO.

 

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1 minute ago, Mardy said:

Me, i’d probably go to the wedding. Glastonbury is great, but friends/family are more important, i think. Obviously it depends on how close you are, but i can think of half a dozen people where i’d prioritse their wedding over the big G

Aye, I was thinking about the people for whom I would choose their wedding over glastonbury. There are a few for sure - certain people where I wouldn't miss their wedding for the world. Although while I was thinking about who those key players would be I did then realise that some/most of them probably wouldn't book a wedding for Glastonbury weekend. 

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So she's part of your Glasto crew and she's arranging her wedding party to happen during Glastonbury?

There is only one answer to this conundrum.... especially as you've not even met her husband to be.

Enjoy Glastonbury!

 

 

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This Summer we were invited to two weddings on the same day and obviously had to choose. 

We could have gone to a week long party in Southern France to celebrate with lots of friends and see two close mates get hitched. This was our preferred choice. 

Instead, we attended the (second) wedding of my sister in law. We did this to keep the family peace and have regretted it ever since. It was a shitter of a day for various reasons. 

Go with your heart, better that than to live with regrets. 

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9 minutes ago, russycarps said:

Just tell her you'll go to her next wedding.

Exactly!  There's a 42% chance it'll just be a waste of time and money anyway.

Imagine how annoyed you'd be if you missed Glastonbury and they get divorced a few months later :rofl:

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If you did the wedding would it be because you want to be there at that party with your friend, or would it be because you felt obliged to be there and would be guilty if you didn't?

If it's the latter, then it's your call on whether you think you would genuinely be offending your friend if you didn't go.  And whether that actually bothers you or not. From the sound of it her offer to see them another time is genuine, so any guilt or obligation is purely created in your own mind.

I've had a few conversations with my brother about this kind of thing, and they main thing I've managed to get into his brain is that being selfish isn't always a bad thing. There is such a thing as "good selfish". Too much of life is governed by people thinking "I should do x".

So what's your gut feel?  Here and now, wedding party or Glastonbury?

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5 minutes ago, Quark said:

If you did the wedding would it be because you want to be there at that party with your friend, or would it be because you felt obliged to be there and would be guilty if you didn't?

If it's the latter, then it's your call on whether you think you would genuinely be offending your friend if you didn't go.  And whether that actually bothers you or not. From the sound of it her offer to see them another time is genuine, so any guilt or obligation is purely created in your own mind.

I've had a few conversations with my brother about this kind of thing, and they main thing I've managed to get into his brain is that being selfish isn't always a bad thing. There is such a thing as "good selfish". Too much of life is governed by people thinking "I should do x".

So what's your gut feel?  Here and now, wedding party or Glastonbury?

Really solid advice there Quark! I think you're right, it would be through obligation - I would much prefer to see her the following weekend.

I suppose also the risk of the other two invitees not coming to Glastonbury would also change the experience for me a lot (to me, they basically are part of my Glastonbury!) but I know I would still have a fab time. I guess it will depend a lot on if we can all go to that villa in Tuscany the weekend after.... Although here and now, I think I would still pick Glasto either way. I think a chat with her about if she would actually be offended is also fairly crucial!!!

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4 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Really solid advice there Quark! I think you're right, it would be through obligation - I would much prefer to see her the following weekend.

I suppose also the risk of the other two invitees not coming to Glastonbury would also change the experience for me a lot (to me, they basically are part of my Glastonbury!) but I know I would still have a fab time. I guess it will depend a lot on if we can all go to that villa in Tuscany the weekend after.... Although here and now, I think I would still pick Glasto either way. I think a chat with her about if she would actually be offended is also fairly crucial!!!

Good stuff.  It's all about making conscious choices and not just falling into doing stuff by default. Once you stop making your own choices on what to do with your time and money other people will do it for you!

Funny enough, I've just come back from lunch and reading "The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck" :lol:

Edited by Quark
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Ask her why you're not invited to the actual wedding, it may be that she doesnt want to impose a very expensive trip on you but would be love to see you there if you could afford it. Then there would be no need to go to the non wedding party is there?  And if she says its just close family at actual wedding then you've offered to go to HK which exonerates you of any responsibility. Simples :-) 

 

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Tough one. 2 main things to consider - how close a friend are they? and what would you want them to do for you in the same situation?

Only based on what you've said in your opening post:

You didn't know they were engaged = not that close.

They've already given you a valid alternative not to go - suggests they would do the same if roles reversed if you ask me.

 

 

 

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10 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Really solid advice there Quark! I think you're right, it would be through obligation - I would much prefer to see her the following weekend.

I suppose also the risk of the other two invitees not coming to Glastonbury would also change the experience for me a lot (to me, they basically are part of my Glastonbury!) but I know I would still have a fab time. I guess it will depend a lot on if we can all go to that villa in Tuscany the weekend after.... Although here and now, I think I would still pick Glasto either way. I think a chat with her about if she would actually be offended is also fairly crucial!!!

Glastonbury will be great however many people decide to go... our numbers have dwindled from 16 to only the 2 of us last year ....I still loved every minute of it ..it just made me do some stuff on my own with less waiting around for others to organise themselves . Enjoy either but ask yourself what you would regret most ? and see you at the efest meet :)

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No brainer if you ask me, specifically because they are Glastonbury goers themselves. I appreciate people make mistakes but of all the weekends to pick there isn’t much of an excuse for picking the one that G happens to be on.

This may be an unpopular view as well, but think how dissapointed you’ll be missing G vs missing the wedding? Surely you’ve got to think of yourself over how somebody else might feel? How many guests do you think they’ll have? I’m sure they’ll miss you being there, but the reality is they’ll be plenty of other people there to keep them occupied.

What I’m trying to say is you’ll miss Glastonbury far more than they’ll miss you.

Edited by Deaf Nobby Burton

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She should know better than to arrange anything the same weekend as Glasto. Dems da rulez!! 

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