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Wondermum

Sexual Assauly at Silver Hayes

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43 minutes ago, DeanoL said:

It's become a problem because more people go to gigs these days - it's just another night out. And this sort of behaviour is essentially accepted at nightclubs and it's telling no-one is trying to tackle it there. It's just an attempt to stop that culture coming into our spaces. Which is a sad state of affairs.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that this culture has been in 'our' spaces for decades. It's very likely to have always been there. 

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50 minutes ago, DeanoL said:

It's become a problem because more people go to gigs these days - it's just another night out. And this sort of behaviour is essentially accepted at nightclubs and it's telling no-one is trying to tackle it there. It's just an attempt to stop that culture coming into our spaces. Which is a sad state of affairs.

They're does seem to be the beginnings of an attempt to tackle it in night clubs. I must have/heard seen this advert hundreds of times in the past year online. It's a bit weak in my opinion but it is there. 

 

Edited by battleborn

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I've been going to gigs for 20-odd years.  Groping has ALWAYS been a problem.  As has the rubbing of boners over bodies. Women have always had these stories. Security were never interested and onlookers just giggled at the crazy bint going off on some guy.  Now the pressure is on security to step in and onlookers to step up.

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50 minutes ago, scaryclaireyfairy said:

I've been going to gigs for 20-odd years.  Groping has ALWAYS been a problem.  As has the rubbing of boners over bodies. Women have always had these stories. Security were never interested and onlookers just giggled at the crazy bint going off on some guy.  Now the pressure is on security to step in and onlookers to step up.

As a fellow female who has been going to gigs for almost 20 years I can attest to this. It's worse when you're young and too scared to say anything, or so pushed so close together you can't move away. These days if anyone tries anything I go mental and don't care what onlookers think.

It's happened to me in nightclubs too, and it definitely isn't acceptable there either.

Edited by barkley87
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I think it depends on the gigs you go to to a great extent though. I can well believe it's always been happening in many places for a long time now but I wonder if it's more recently that it's moved from happening in those sweaty, tightly pack dancer/moshy gigs (where guys are emboldened with the ease of passing it off as an accident) to also happening at far more sedate gigs, in a far more blatant fashion? Which might explain the differences in perception we see?

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Nah, not in my experience anyway.  It might happen more frequently at rowdier gigs but I've been handled at a bloody Radiohead gig.  It's almost comical how often one's boob can be mistaken for the hard metal rail at the front.  Apparently.

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9 hours ago, Smeble said:

i must admit in crowds I was very aware of not leaving myself open to accusations, at times i resembled a lemur with my Hands above my head, daft I know.

 

I was very careful in any tight crowds or when trying to walk past people. Not necessarily because I was worried of being accused of something, just felt that women wouldn't appreciate me brushing up against them. Although I guess it's fairly obvious if it's accidental contact or someone doing it on purpose.

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1 hour ago, barkley87 said:

As a fellow female who has been going to gigs for almost 20 years I can attest to this. It's worse when you're young and too scared to say anything, or so pushed so close together you can't move away. These days if anyone tries anything I go mental and don't care what onlookers think.

It's happened to me in nightclubs too, and it definitely isn't acceptable there either.

Gigs, pubs, packed trains you name it. I can't actually think how many times I've balled out some guy for groping me. Once even walking down the street. Got the biggest fright when i grabbed him by the bollox in front of his mates. Laugh was on him except I wasn't laughing. I was fucking furious. 

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I was at a gig in Nottingham last month and the girl next to us was being groped by the guy behind her - I spotted it and asked her if she was OK, she said no so I called security over and demanded they do something about it, within two songs they had grabbed him and thrown him (and his friend who started kicking off) out, they checked she was OK and offered to walk her to her car after the gig.

They said they had to wait until they'd seen him do it so there'd be no comeback, but if you report it security will do something about it.

I've been going to gigs for over 30 years and I've never groped anyone and I don't see why having a few beers or some drugs suddenly gives anyone the green-light to do so. 

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11 hours ago, fowls said:

When someone states an issue about sexual assault of women, and  your initial response straight out the gates (and only contribution to the conversation) is "but what about men?" you are muting their argument, or at the very least not listening to their concerns.  The harassment men and women face are very different, there aren't many comparable scenarios to raise in the same conversation.  For example, do you fear for going into a tight crowd in case someone tries to grope you? Do you think someone would try to grope you if you crowd surfed or joined a mosh pit? These are the concerns being raised.

 

If you believe there's a latent widespread incidence of male sexual assault that is not being discussed, then yes that's worth discussing, but it's not relevant in this thread.  Or at the very least wait for the conversation to develop past a single page before trying to "balance" the issue.

 

And the MD girl/boy thing - not particularly.  I think most people have experienced someone on drugs fascinated by hair, it's obviously not sexual and they don't try to grope more intimate areas.   The invasion of personal space may be annoying, but at best it's standard harassment unless the tone descends to a sexual nature.  

The general coversation was about sexual assault and harrassment and didnt specify gender and apologies that I lead a busy life so I only contribute limited times on the forum. Other that I'm not going to continue this convo.

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28 minutes ago, H.M.V said:

Gigs, pubs, packed trains you name it. I can't actually think how many times I've balled out some guy for groping me. Once even walking down the street. Got the biggest fright when i grabbed him by the bollox in front of his mates. Laugh was on him except I wasn't laughing. I was fucking furious. 

I'm genuinely shocked there's so many dirty bastards out there acting like this. Absolutely disgraceful, what the hell is wrong with them? Guess I'm shielded from it being a bloke, would be absolutely furious if any of my friends acted like that. 

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13 hours ago, H.M.V said:

Something about this post has really resonated with It's like a true understanding, acceptance and genuine want of change. More of this please. Thanks. 

I've already up voted too many times to give your post an up vote, but I would if I could 

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(As a fella) I honestly think that it isn't on the increase, it's more that people are rightly speaking up.

It's down to everyone to keep the pressure up and shame men doing it to stop. "Rat out" shouts seem to have died a death these days but used to be rife.

That being said there is always going to be a baseline of sexual deviants because that is a dark corner of human nature but sexual assault in the name of 'bants' can and will be stamped out.

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10 minutes ago, Nduja said:

(As a fella) I honestly think that it isn't on the increase, it's more that people are rightly speaking up.

It's down to everyone to keep the pressure up and shame men doing it to stop. "Rat out" shouts seem to have died a death these days but used to be rife.

That being said there is always going to be a baseline of sexual deviants because that is a dark corner of human nature but sexual assault in the name of 'bants' can and will be stamped out.

Yeah - I truly hope that we're seeing less of this and more people speaking out, both of which can only be a good thing.

I don't buy this 'drunk' line either. You either know or don't know if a woman wants to be touched. And if you're not sure, don't fucking do it.

 

That said, I don't want people to be scared off from hugging. Think I did quite a lot of that this year.

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My husband says stories like these make him embarrassed to be a man. We reinforce the fact that no means no to our two boys, who are only 4 and 7. Sometimes they're playing a little too rough with their sister, and too caught up in the moment to understand that their rough and tumble is causing her distress, but we reinforce that if she's making unhappy noises or saying stop then they damn well stop and apologise. The same works for her too. They're too young to understand the importance of this message in relation to their later years, but that's why we're working on it now. We also want all 3 of them to feel able to call out on their friends who are behaving inappropriately. 

I have absolutely no idea what happened during sex and relationship education in schools these days, but from what I can see not enough is being done. Why are more and more young people feeling it's appropriate to grope someone else, and unable to understand how their actions make other people feel?

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I don't understand the arguments that suggest individuals should have to restrain themselves - its absolutely mad that 'hmm, should i grope a tit or should I not?' is even a thought that should arise. Why is that even an impulse that people get? I can't even begin to comprehend the thought process - 'yeah radiohead are great and everything but i actually really feel like grabbing this tit over here'. Its bizarre.

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This is absolutely awful. Hope that poor woman is ok.

Unfortunately Glastonbury has this utopian wonderland feel where some will think it's fine to drink 20 cans, take drugs in the open, and sexually assault women. Obviously this happens everywhere all year round but given the general vibe of Glastonbury, some people think their sick behaviour is ok just because it's Glastonbury....right? WRONG!

All we can hope is that the guy who did this has psychologically deep rooted intentions to behave like this and will be caught eventually, either by the authorities or by very unpleasant bystanders

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11 hours ago, Smeble said:

i must admit in crowds I was very aware of not leaving myself open to accusations, at times i resembled a lemur with my Hands above my head, daft I know.

This makes me really sad to see. That a handful of dickheads are making nice people hyper concious of their behaviour is seriously fucked up.  

The only time I've had this happen to me at G (seeing Mik at the rocket lounge of all things!!) I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt before it became clear that he needed a fucking good bollocking which he promptly got. 

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1 hour ago, H.M.V said:

Gigs, pubs, packed trains you name it. I can't actually think how many times I've balled out some guy for groping me. Once even walking down the street. Got the biggest fright when i grabbed him by the bollox in front of his mates. Laugh was on him except I wasn't laughing. I was fucking furious. 

Agree with this, there are so many different circumstances it happens in. I can think of three separate times the cock rub has happened to me on a train.:wacko: Worst recently for me has been going out for a run. I have been chased, shouted at from vans, actually had a bloke the other day cycle alongside and stop his bike directly in front of my path...only to unleash a barrage of his gross sexual comments at me. Its made me quite paranoid and I won't run anywhere isolated alone or at night.

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I've had an unpleasant experience both years at Glastonbury. 

Last year on the Saturday I was dancing in a tent over in the glade when a very tall man (6'6, I'm under 5'3) started poking me in the back. I turned around to find he wasn't using his hands. He wouldn't leave me alone and we had to leave the dance area. 

This year we were by the SE corner and a guy in a massive k hole rocked up next to our group. Was falling into me and my friend and we were being nice trying to make sure he stayed upright. He then started picking things up off the ground until he found a cardboard box to put his dick in and started jacking off. Again, we just left. 

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How horrible. I was in the Sonic tent too that night watching Fatboy Slim. Our group in total, there was 14 of us, including 6 females (one of which is pregnant). None of them had anything like this experience. The pregnant one was left alone n her tent a few times (she was walked back) -but this makes me think twice for 2019 to allow that to happen again.

The more people mention this, the more chance society has to stop this from happening.

Unfortunately in 200,000 people - there will always be a few c**ts.

 

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On Sunday afternoon I was walking along with my OH and 16 yr old son, who stopped and bent down to tie a lace which had come undone. One guy (about 30 ish) in a group following us was about to slap my son on the bum,  and only refrained when he saw me staring daggers at him. He protested his innocence that he wasn't really going to do anything and I was left thinking it was strange behaviour. It's only just occurred to me that my son has very long hair and from the back could be mistaken for a girl. Why the guy thought it was OK to slap a complete stranger of any gender on the bum is beyond me.

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25 minutes ago, dizzymoo said:

On Sunday afternoon I was walking along with my OH and 16 yr old son, who stopped and bent down to tie a lace which had come undone. One guy (about 30 ish) in a group following us was about to slap my son on the bum,  and only refrained when he saw me staring daggers at him. He protested his innocence that he wasn't really going to do anything and I was left thinking it was strange behaviour. It's only just occurred to me that my son has very long hair and from the back could be mistaken for a girl. Why the guy thought it was OK to slap a complete stranger of any gender on the bum is beyond me.

Law of averages unfortunately. Glad that he didn't actually hit your son as something like that could have been a dealbreaker for someone of his age. Hope he and you had a good hassle-free time!

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In clubbing/going to gigs days of around 10 years ago (and more) we used to go out in a big group. The girls in the group nearly always experienced it and sometimes it would result in some of the guys in our group thrown out as they confronted the offenders. Now as a father of two girls under 10, I really worry for them in the future and how to educate them later on  how to handle the situations. Sad times. I wouldn't think twice on calling someone out I seen doing it, despite the risk to my own safety. I can understand others not doing so though as there are a lot of idiots out there that can quickly turn violent.

 

More education at an early age needed and more stewards etc needing to be shown what to be looking for and explained to them that they need to step in sometimes

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