"Really big secret"

[The Red Telephone]

As page 100 looms on the horizon, I'm going to try and précis what we know/ don't know. Forgive me if there are any errors/ feel free to correct! By the time I have finished writing, hopefully this will be defunct and we will know for sure....

Time slot/ placing:

As we already know our 3 Pyramid headliners (and subs on Friday and Sunday) and a pretty good idea of the Other headliners, we are left with the following options for "something huge"

• Pyramid-sub Saturday
• "Legend" slot Sunday afternoon (Could already be Barry Gibb, but has not been officially announced as per the last few years)
• Other stage opener Friday
• The Park (capacity approx. 10,000? Can something huge go there)
• West Holts (already looking packed, Neil usually has good info for there & no indication of anything massive)

Huge-Mega Acts:

Ridiculously big acts that have been rumoured and IMO the likelihood of them playing:

Paul McCartney/ Ringo Starr/ Sgt Pepper - Macca is touring the US in July, Ringo in the Autumn - so both active (sort of). However no mention of these shows commemorating Sgt Pepper. They don't play together often but have done so - saw a sweet video of them performing "With a Little Help From My Friends" a few years ago. Macca has played the festival before and gone down well. One of the likelier unlikely rumours. 5/10

Pink Floyd - Waters playing in the US on Saturday and Sunday, Gilmour and Mason free. New exhibition at the V & A means they are active as Pink Floyd, albeit not musically. Aside from the fact Waters is unavailable, have played once together in about 35 years (although I think Gilmour played at Waters show a few years ago?). Gilmour/ Waters relationship could barely stand playing 4 songs together at Live Aid. Could Gilmour/ Mason play together? Gilmour has no live dates planned. Extremely unlikely, bordering on impossible. 1/10

Led Zep - Plant has cryptic "Any Time Soon" message on his website, although this is believed to be related to a forthcoming solo album. Can't see any Page dates listed although Plant played with Brian Johnson and Paul Rodgers the other night. Get the impression that Page and JPJ would reform Led Zep at the drop of a hat, Plant when hell freezes over. Have played once as Led Zep in 35 years and that a to commemorate the death of a friend. Page and Plant played Glastonbury together before when they were active as a duo in 1995. Dave Grohl loves 'em but they aren't going to sub FF. Their availability makes them more likely than PF, but still very unlikely to happen. 2/10

Madonna - Never played before, would definitely fulfil the remit. Likes the UK, or did when she was married to Guy Ritchie. No live dates or music planned. Extremely unlikely 1/10

Queen - Bit of a stretch to stick them in here, but other people seem to think they should! Available, apart from Freddie. Badgers, Sun City etc. 5/10

Kate Bush - Notoriously reticent of performing in front of people and protective of image and music - extremely unlikely to want to play in front of 120,000 and be live on TV. Shame, but kind of love her for it. 0/10.

The Smiths - Talked briefly about reforming in 2009, before Morrissey "ended communication". Get the impression that Marr would do it, and Joyce/ Rourke have bills to pay. Played triumphant set in 1984. Morrissey complained about dairy farming/ Eavis last time he played, although I think he would be invited back for a Smiths reunion. Which will never happen. 0/10

Elton John - Definitely fits the remit of the legend slot.... however, he is playing in France on the Sunday and unlikely to do two shows in one day at his stage of life...Playing in Scotland on the Saturday too. Only Friday available, and can't see a slot for him then. 2/10

Fleetwood Mac - Have been "rumours" about them playing before but have fallen down due to money/ availability. Individual members are active, but not as FM. Buckingham/ McVie playing in the US on the Sunday, so only Friday probably available...Saturday at a push. Extremely unlikely. 1/10

Big Acts

U2 - Unfinished business with festival following crap set in 2011. Touring anniversary of The Joshua Tree. Touring it exactly in Canada on the Friday and the US on the Sunday. Extremely unlikely. 0/10

REM - Split up in 2011, although have been together to talk about anniversary of Out of Time. Have said they would never reform, but this has thawed a bit recently. Good festival history having headlined twice. Probably unlikely though. 4/10

Green Day - Were rumoured to be headlining Other Stage a few months ago....Available only on Sunday, so where would they be placed? Think BBK are headlining Other and Biffy subbing Ed. Too big for the Park? Probably. Could play, but wouldn't know where they could go. 5/10

The Stone Roses - Active again, but playing in Glasgow on Saturday...which could make only the Friday opening Other slot (too big and unlikely to agree to it, despite being from the North West and past their best) and Legend slot (don't fit the usual remit) available. Too big for the Park. Have got unfinished Glastonbury business and ME has spoken repeatedly about wanting for them to play. According to rumours, their status as a group is hanging by a thread, so it's this year or never. Probably the latter. 3/10

Taylor Swift - Don't profess to know an awful lot about Tay Tay, but here goes....not touring at the moment, so unlikely from that point of view. Ed Sheeran has written songs for her, so could see her doing something for his show...but doubt this fits the "huge" thing. Is dating someone from Britain apparently. 2/10

Lady GaGa - Touring in North America in August, so active. Made coy reference to playing Glastonbury last year. Touring the UK later this year and has tickets to shift. Can play any day. Probable 8/10

Phil Collins - Available and active. Would fit into the legends lot, at a push, but surely not as big as Gibb...and definitely not as many bangers. Could play elsewhere on the bill, I suppose, but doubt he is the "big thing"...unless Genesis are reforming, but can't see that happening at Glastonbury. 4/10

Daft Punk - Definitely have the wow-factor, but not active (although notoriously secretive). Could only see them headlining the Pyramid and there are no spaces. 2/10

Take That - Although young by its standards, could fit into the legend slot. Active and available, Barlow less than enthusiastic abut playing in the past and only 3 members are with them at the moment. Can't see it being too well received if they announced. Possible 6/10

Robbie Williams - Watched Adele from the side of the stage last year and has Glastonbury-sized gap in tour dates. Has played before to acclaim (from some)....As with TT, can't see it being well-received. Maybe even less! Possible 6/10

Depeche Mode - Touring Europe, have Friday and Saturday free. Don't think they have played before, think they are a band who would like to. Unsure about how big they are these days, could they sub the FF? Still have tickets to sell for their big London show, so could be a reason why they haven't been announced, They are definite possible. 7/10

Oasis - Noel and Liam will both be there and I suppose it will be an a newsworthy event...but I doubt Noel would want it and Liam now has a solo career to deal with. Have also been shit (2004) and underwhelming (1995) the last times they have played, so I doubt there's any major rush from the Eavii to get them back. Very unlikely. 3/10

The Kinks - There was the "Ray Davies on the phone" quote from ME last year. Ray has played the festival loads and The Kinks were dues to play the very first one. Ray and Dave likely to kill each other at any point though. Possible 5/10.

The KLF - Would be met as a great shrug by most people, I would think! Despite me wanting to hear "3am Eternal" blsasting from the Pyramid, I can't see it happening. Prettu sure they had something planned for this someone, more likely to be an art installation somehwere. 1/10

Drake -  2017 tour finished two months ago, so unlikely to play on his own. I believe he his part of the popular beat combo Boy Better Know, so could make an appearance with them. Is that "huge", I don't know anymore. 4/10

Kendrick Lamar - Touring the US in July/ August so active and new album to promote. Would go down very well on here! Available any day, so could fit in wherever. Could he go on The Park? Doubt he's bigger than Gorillaz in the UK. Wouldn't fit the "huge" thing but would be a good booking. 6/10

Other Acts:

Gorillaz - The front-runner. New album out and touring...have own festival in Margate to sell, so probably why they haven't been announced. Axe to grind after underwhelming headline slot in 2010. Albarn seems to play Glastonbury every year. Host of special guests to bump up the special factor. Could see them subbing FF or playing at the Park as a "TBA". 9/10

Liam Gallagher - Has dates announced and a supposed new album coming out soon. Can't imagine he is big enough to be a big secret though...especially as he's already been announced for Reading. Can see him playing The Other opener slot though 6/10

Jamiroiquai - Surprised they weren't on the original poster and could see them playing somewhere, but definitely not big enough for the "huge" remit.

NGHFB -  Will be the festival, but likes going as a punter. Could see him subbing FF, and would definitely play with Gorrilaz. Not "huge" though. 5/10

The Prodigy - Would go down well, I suppose...but would need the dark and where would they go? Too big/ dangerous for The Park. Playing festivals in Iceland and France over Glastonbury weekend, so unlikely they would come to Glastonbury on the off-night. Have played barnstorming sets before. 4/10

Kasabian - Big enough to be called "huge"? Underwhelming IMHO. Playing in the Czech Republic on the Saturday and have new album out. Could be a big Other Stage opener, but they (hopefully) aren't the big surprise. 4/10

Arcade Fire - Another 2014 headliner, but as with Kasabian, their standing has surely dropped since then? Active and have a hole in their tour schedule. Could see them subbing FF, but not as the "huge" announcement. 5/10

Elbow - No. 0/10

Richard Ashcroft - Will be umpring the England v SA T20 internationals. 195/3

Bruno Mars - Will not happen. 0/10

Not Music:

Barack/ Michelle Obama - Active and presumably available. Could be booked in the Dalai Lama slot? Could be on before stage open. Definitely "huge". in their 8 years in the White House did not profess an urge to visit a Somerset farm. More likely than Pink Floyd. 3/10

New area - Possible I suppose, but they normally announce these well before they festival and no reason to keep it secret. Nothing on the map to suggest it too. 3/10

Conclusion:

I think it will be Gorillaz on the Park. I have also concluded that I have learnt nothing from this exercise, but it is preferable to the mandatory training I should have been doing instead.

Of the bigger acts mentioned, Lady GaGa and Depeche Mode are the next most probable rumours.

We are either dealing with a larger than normal FF sub or big Legend. I could see Kasabian/ Aracde Fire subbing FF, but not as the biggie announcement. If it is a Legend, then maybe Macca/ Ringo?

We also have to take with a pinch of salt Emily's comments. "Huge" to her could mean anything! Thus rendering this post completely irrelevant.

Edited May 17, 2017 by The Red Telephone

[The Red Telephone]

12 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

I heard a trailer for that REM show and IIRC there's a clip of the interview where they say they're never reforming 

 

10 minutes ago, wozwebs said:

Yep - in this video Stipe says they will never reform 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0532jzs

 

[Diva Sam]

2 minutes ago, The Red Telephone said:

As page 100 looms on the horizon, I'm going to try and précis what we know/ don't know. Forgive me if there are any errors/ feel free to correct! By the time I have finished writing, hopefully this will be defunct and we will know for sure....

Time slot/ placing:

As we already know our 3 Pyramid headliners (and subs on Friday and Sunday) and a pretty good idea of the Other headliners, we are left with the following options for "something huge"

• Pyramid-sub Saturday
• "Legend" slot Sunday afternoon (Could already be Barry Gibb, but has not been officially announced as per the last few years)
• Other stage opener Friday
• The Park (capacity approx. 10,000? Can something huge go there)
• West Holts (already looking packed, Neil usually has good info for there & no indication of anything massive)

Huge-Mega Acts:

Ridiculously big acts that have been rumoured and IMO the likelihood of them playing:

Paul McCartney/ Ringo Starr/ Sgt Pepper - Macca is touring the US in July, Ringo in the Autumn - so both active (sort of). However no mention of these shows commemorating Sgt Pepper. They don't play together often but have done so - saw a sweet video of them performing "With a Little Help From My Friends" a few years ago. Macca has played the festival before and gone down well. One of the likelier unlikely rumours. 5/10

Pink Floyd - Waters playing in the US on Saturday and Sunday, Gilmour and Mason free. New exhibition at the V & A means they are active as Pink Floyd, albeit not musically. Aside from the fact Waters is unavailable, have played once together in about 35 years (although I think Gilmour played at Waters show a few years ago?). Gilmour/ Waters relationship could barely stand playing 4 songs together at Live Aid. Could Gilmour/ Mason play together? Gilmour has no live dates planned. Extremely unlikely, bordering on impossible. 1/10

Led Zep - Plant has cryptic "Any Time Soon" message on his website, although this is believed to be related to a forthcoming solo album. Can't see any Page dates listed although Plant played with Brian Johnson and Paul Rodgers the other night. Get the impression that Page and JPJ would reform Led Zep at the drop of a hat, Plant when hell freezes over. Have played once as Led Zep in 35 years and that a to commemorate the death of a friend. Page and Plant played Glastonbury together before when they were active as a duo in 1995. Dave Grohl loves 'em but they aren't going to sub FF. Their availability makes them more likely than PF, but still very unlikely to happen. 2/10

Madonna - Never played before, would definitely fulfil the remit. Likes the UK, or did when she was married to Guy Ritchie. No live dates or music planned. Extremely unlikely 1/10

Queen - Bit of a stretch to stick them in here, but other people seem to think they should! Available, apart from Freddie. Badgers, Sun City etc. 5/10

Kate Bush - Notoriously reticent of performing in front of people and protective of image and music - extremely unlikely to want to play in front of 120,000 and be live on TV. Shame, but kind of love her for it. 0/10.

The Smiths - Talked briefly about reforming in 2009, before Morrissey "ended communication". Get the impression that Marr would do it, and Joyce/ Rourke have bills to pay. Played triumphant set in 1984. Morrissey complained about dairy farming/ Eavis last time he played, although I think he would be invited back for a Smiths reunion. Which will never happen. 0/10

Elton John - Definitely fits the remit of the legend slot.... however, he is playing in France on the Sunday and unlikely to do two shows in one day at his stage of life...Playing in Scotland on the Saturday too. Only Friday available, and can't see a slot for him then. 2/10

Fleetwood Mac - Have been "rumours" about them playing before but have fallen down due to money/ availability. Individual members are active, but not as FM. Buckingham/ McVie playing in the US on the Sunday, so only Friday probably available...Saturday at a push. Extremely unlikely. 1/10

Big Acts

U2 - Unfinished business with festival following crap set in 2011. Touring anniversary of The Joshua Tree. Touring it exactly in Canada on the Friday and the US on the Sunday. Extremely unlikely. 0/10

REM - Split up in 2011, although have been together to talk about anniversary of Out of Time. Have said they would never reform, but this has thawed a bit recently. Good festival history having headlined twice. Probably unlikely though. 4/10

Green Day - Were rumoured to be headlining Other Stage a few months ago....Available only on Sunday, so where would they be placed? Think BBK are headlining Other and Biffy subbing Ed. Too big for the Park? Probably. Could play, but wouldn't know where they could go. 5/10

The Stone Roses - Active again, but playing in Glasgow on Saturday...which could make only the Friday opening Other slot (too big and unlikely to agree to it, despite being from the North West and past their best) and Legend slot (don't fit the usual remit) available. Too big for the Park. Have got unfinished Glastonbury business and ME has spoken repeatedly about wanting for them to play. According to rumours, their status as a group is hanging by a thread, so it's this year or never. Probably the latter. 3/10

Taylor Swift - Don't profess to know an awful lot about Tay Tay, but here goes....not touring at the moment, so unlikely from that point of view. Ed Sheeran has written songs for her, so could see her doing something for his show...but doubt this fits the "huge" thing. Is dating someone from Britain apparently. 2/10

Lady GaGa - Touring in North America in August, so active. Made coy reference to playing Glastonbury last year. Touring the UK later this year and has tickets to shift. Can play any day. Probable 8/10

Phil Collins - Available and active. Would fit into the legends lot, at a push, but surely not as big as Gibb...and definitely not as many bangers. Could play elsewhere on the bill, I suppose, but doubt he is the "big thing"...unless Genesis are reforming, but can't see that happening at Glastonbury. 4/10

Daft Punk - Definitely have the wow-factor, but not active (although notoriously secretive). Could only see them headlining the Pyramid and there are no spaces. 2/10

Take That - Although young by its standards, could fit into the legend slot. Active and available, Barlow less than enthusiastic abut playing in the past and only 3 members are with them at the moment. Can't see it being too well received if they announced. Possible 6/10

Robbie Williams - Watched Adele from the side of the stage last year and has Glastonbury-sized gap in tour dates. Has played before to acclaim (from some)....As with TT, can't see it being well-received. Maybe even less! Possible 6/10

Depeche Mode - Touring Europe, have Friday and Saturday free. Don't think they have played before, think they are a band who would like to. Unsure about how big they are these days, could they sub the FF? Still have tickets to sell for their big London show, so could be a reason why they haven't been announced, They are definite possible. 7/10

Oasis - Noel and Liam will both be there and I suppose it will be an a newsworthy event...but I doubt Noel would want it and Liam now has a solo career to deal with. Have also been shit (2004) and underwhelming (1995) the last times they have played, so I doubt there's any major rush from the Eavii to get them back. Very unlikely. 3/10

Other Acts:

Gorillaz - The front-runner. New album out and touring...have own festival in Margate to sell, so probably why they haven't been announced. Axe to grind after underwhelming headline slot in 2010. Albarn seems to play Glastonbury every year. Host of special guests to bump up the special factor. Could see them subbing FF or playing at the Park as a "TBA". 9/10

Liam Gallagher - Has dates announced and a supposed new album coming out soon. Can't imagine he is big enough to be a big secret though...especially as he's already been announced for Reading. Can see him playing The Other opener slot though 6/10

Jamiroiquai - Surprised they weren't on the original poster and could see them playing somewhere, but definitely not big enough for the "huge" remit.

NGHFB -  Will be the festival, but likes going as a punter. Could see him subbing FF, and would definitely play with Gorrilaz. Not "huge" though. 5/10

The Prodigy - Would go down well, I suppose...but would need the dark and where would they go? Too big/ dangerous for The Park. Playing festivals in Iceland and France over Glastonbury weekend, so unlikely they would come to Glastonbury on the off-night. Have played barnstorming sets before. 4/10

Kasabian - Big enough to be called "huge"? Underwhelming IMHO. Playing in the Czech Republic on the Saturday and have new album out. Could be a big Other Stage opener, but they (hopefully) aren't the big surprise. 4/10

Arcade Fire - Another 2014 headliner, but as with Kasabian, their standing has surely dropped since then? Active and have a hole in their tour schedule. Could see them subbing FF, but not as the "huge" announcement. 5/10

Not Music:

Barack/ Michelle Obama - Active and presumably available. Could be booked in the Dalai Lama slot? Could be on before stage open. Definitely "huge". in their 8 years in the White House did not profess an urge to visit a Somerset farm. More likely than Pink Floyd. 3/10

New area - Possible I suppose, but they normally announce these well before they festival and no reason to keep it secret. Nothing on the map to suggest it too. 3/10

Conclusion:

I think it will be Gorillaz on the Park. I have also concluded that I have learnt nothing from this exercise, but it is preferable to the mandatory training I should have been doing instead.

Of the bigger acts mentioned, Lady GaGa and Depeche Mode are the next most probable rumours.

We are either dealing with a larger than normal FF sub or big Legend. I could see Kasabian/ Aracde Fire subbing FF, but not as the biggie announcement. If it is a Legend, then maybe Macca/ Ringo?

Are we your pre-read audience to give comments and remarks before you post this on the NME website?

[DJ Cull]

Just now, The Red Telephone said:

 

 

Beat me to it! I still don't think Stipe would be interested though, probably more chance of it being a reformation of The Smiths

[CaledonianGonzo]

To be fair there was more than 24 hours between Squire doing that sculpture and then backtracking on it.

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

7 minutes ago, The Red Telephone said:

As page 100 looms on the horizon, I'm going to try and précis what we know/ don't know. Forgive me if there are any errors/ feel free to correct! By the time I have finished writing, hopefully this will be defunct and we will know for sure....

Time slot/ placing:

As we already know our 3 Pyramid headliners (and subs on Friday and Sunday) and a pretty good idea of the Other headliners, we are left with the following options for "something huge"

• Pyramid-sub Saturday
• "Legend" slot Sunday afternoon (Could already be Barry Gibb, but has not been officially announced as per the last few years)
• Other stage opener Friday
• The Park (capacity approx. 10,000? Can something huge go there)
• West Holts (already looking packed, Neil usually has good info for there & no indication of anything massive)

Huge-Mega Acts:

Ridiculously big acts that have been rumoured and IMO the likelihood of them playing:

Paul McCartney/ Ringo Starr/ Sgt Pepper - Macca is touring the US in July, Ringo in the Autumn - so both active (sort of). However no mention of these shows commemorating Sgt Pepper. They don't play together often but have done so - saw a sweet video of them performing "With a Little Help From My Friends" a few years ago. Macca has played the festival before and gone down well. One of the likelier unlikely rumours. 5/10

Pink Floyd - Waters playing in the US on Saturday and Sunday, Gilmour and Mason free. New exhibition at the V & A means they are active as Pink Floyd, albeit not musically. Aside from the fact Waters is unavailable, have played once together in about 35 years (although I think Gilmour played at Waters show a few years ago?). Gilmour/ Waters relationship could barely stand playing 4 songs together at Live Aid. Could Gilmour/ Mason play together? Gilmour has no live dates planned. Extremely unlikely, bordering on impossible. 1/10

Led Zep - Plant has cryptic "Any Time Soon" message on his website, although this is believed to be related to a forthcoming solo album. Can't see any Page dates listed although Plant played with Brian Johnson and Paul Rodgers the other night. Get the impression that Page and JPJ would reform Led Zep at the drop of a hat, Plant when hell freezes over. Have played once as Led Zep in 35 years and that a to commemorate the death of a friend. Page and Plant played Glastonbury together before when they were active as a duo in 1995. Dave Grohl loves 'em but they aren't going to sub FF. Their availability makes them more likely than PF, but still very unlikely to happen. 2/10

Madonna - Never played before, would definitely fulfil the remit. Likes the UK, or did when she was married to Guy Ritchie. No live dates or music planned. Extremely unlikely 1/10

Queen - Bit of a stretch to stick them in here, but other people seem to think they should! Available, apart from Freddie. Badgers, Sun City etc. 5/10

Kate Bush - Notoriously reticent of performing in front of people and protective of image and music - extremely unlikely to want to play in front of 120,000 and be live on TV. Shame, but kind of love her for it. 0/10.

The Smiths - Talked briefly about reforming in 2009, before Morrissey "ended communication". Get the impression that Marr would do it, and Joyce/ Rourke have bills to pay. Played triumphant set in 1984. Morrissey complained about dairy farming/ Eavis last time he played, although I think he would be invited back for a Smiths reunion. Which will never happen. 0/10

Elton John - Definitely fits the remit of the legend slot.... however, he is playing in France on the Sunday and unlikely to do two shows in one day at his stage of life...Playing in Scotland on the Saturday too. Only Friday available, and can't see a slot for him then. 2/10

Fleetwood Mac - Have been "rumours" about them playing before but have fallen down due to money/ availability. Individual members are active, but not as FM. Buckingham/ McVie playing in the US on the Sunday, so only Friday probably available...Saturday at a push. Extremely unlikely. 1/10

Big Acts

U2 - Unfinished business with festival following crap set in 2011. Touring anniversary of The Joshua Tree. Touring it exactly in Canada on the Friday and the US on the Sunday. Extremely unlikely. 0/10

REM - Split up in 2011, although have been together to talk about anniversary of Out of Time. Have said they would never reform, but this has thawed a bit recently. Good festival history having headlined twice. Probably unlikely though. 4/10

Green Day - Were rumoured to be headlining Other Stage a few months ago....Available only on Sunday, so where would they be placed? Think BBK are headlining Other and Biffy subbing Ed. Too big for the Park? Probably. Could play, but wouldn't know where they could go. 5/10

The Stone Roses - Active again, but playing in Glasgow on Saturday...which could make only the Friday opening Other slot (too big and unlikely to agree to it, despite being from the North West and past their best) and Legend slot (don't fit the usual remit) available. Too big for the Park. Have got unfinished Glastonbury business and ME has spoken repeatedly about wanting for them to play. According to rumours, their status as a group is hanging by a thread, so it's this year or never. Probably the latter. 3/10

Taylor Swift - Don't profess to know an awful lot about Tay Tay, but here goes....not touring at the moment, so unlikely from that point of view. Ed Sheeran has written songs for her, so could see her doing something for his show...but doubt this fits the "huge" thing. Is dating someone from Britain apparently. 2/10

Lady GaGa - Touring in North America in August, so active. Made coy reference to playing Glastonbury last year. Touring the UK later this year and has tickets to shift. Can play any day. Probable 8/10

Phil Collins - Available and active. Would fit into the legends lot, at a push, but surely not as big as Gibb...and definitely not as many bangers. Could play elsewhere on the bill, I suppose, but doubt he is the "big thing"...unless Genesis are reforming, but can't see that happening at Glastonbury. 4/10

Daft Punk - Definitely have the wow-factor, but not active (although notoriously secretive). Could only see them headlining the Pyramid and there are no spaces. 2/10

Take That - Although young by its standards, could fit into the legend slot. Active and available, Barlow less than enthusiastic abut playing in the past and only 3 members are with them at the moment. Can't see it being too well received if they announced. Possible 6/10

Robbie Williams - Watched Adele from the side of the stage last year and has Glastonbury-sized gap in tour dates. Has played before to acclaim (from some)....As with TT, can't see it being well-received. Maybe even less! Possible 6/10

Depeche Mode - Touring Europe, have Friday and Saturday free. Don't think they have played before, think they are a band who would like to. Unsure about how big they are these days, could they sub the FF? Still have tickets to sell for their big London show, so could be a reason why they haven't been announced, They are definite possible. 7/10

Oasis - Noel and Liam will both be there and I suppose it will be an a newsworthy event...but I doubt Noel would want it and Liam now has a solo career to deal with. Have also been shit (2004) and underwhelming (1995) the last times they have played, so I doubt there's any major rush from the Eavii to get them back. Very unlikely. 3/10

Other Acts:

Gorillaz - The front-runner. New album out and touring...have own festival in Margate to sell, so probably why they haven't been announced. Axe to grind after underwhelming headline slot in 2010. Albarn seems to play Glastonbury every year. Host of special guests to bump up the special factor. Could see them subbing FF or playing at the Park as a "TBA". 9/10

Liam Gallagher - Has dates announced and a supposed new album coming out soon. Can't imagine he is big enough to be a big secret though...especially as he's already been announced for Reading. Can see him playing The Other opener slot though 6/10

Jamiroiquai - Surprised they weren't on the original poster and could see them playing somewhere, but definitely not big enough for the "huge" remit.

NGHFB -  Will be the festival, but likes going as a punter. Could see him subbing FF, and would definitely play with Gorrilaz. Not "huge" though. 5/10

The Prodigy - Would go down well, I suppose...but would need the dark and where would they go? Too big/ dangerous for The Park. Playing festivals in Iceland and France over Glastonbury weekend, so unlikely they would come to Glastonbury on the off-night. Have played barnstorming sets before. 4/10

Kasabian - Big enough to be called "huge"? Underwhelming IMHO. Playing in the Czech Republic on the Saturday and have new album out. Could be a big Other Stage opener, but they (hopefully) aren't the big surprise. 4/10

Arcade Fire - Another 2014 headliner, but as with Kasabian, their standing has surely dropped since then? Active and have a hole in their tour schedule. Could see them subbing FF, but not as the "huge" announcement. 5/10

Not Music:

Barack/ Michelle Obama - Active and presumably available. Could be booked in the Dalai Lama slot? Could be on before stage open. Definitely "huge". in their 8 years in the White House did not profess an urge to visit a Somerset farm. More likely than Pink Floyd. 3/10

New area - Possible I suppose, but they normally announce these well before they festival and no reason to keep it secret. Nothing on the map to suggest it too. 3/10

Conclusion:

I think it will be Gorillaz on the Park. I have also concluded that I have learnt nothing from this exercise, but it is preferable to the mandatory training I should have been doing instead.

Of the bigger acts mentioned, Lady GaGa and Depeche Mode are the next most probable rumours.

We are either dealing with a larger than normal FF sub or big Legend. I could see Kasabian/ Aracde Fire subbing FF, but not as the biggie announcement. If it is a Legend, then maybe Macca/ Ringo?

You've succesfully condensed 100 pages into about 97 pages.

[stuartbert two hats]

6 minutes ago, The Red Telephone said:

 

 

But that was a couple of years before they got back together.  The Stipe quote is literally from yesterday.

[CaledonianGonzo]

He missed out Elbow

[mufcok]

Just on the Roses, for anyone who is bothered (not a lot going off what I read on here)

There was a lad who met Ian Brown in Scotland yesterday on one of the facebook fan groups (pictures with him etc). Apparently.. there will be no more new stuff. Most of it has been recorded since 2013 but they are having major issues with Reni. His knee is in a bad way and he can't play for more than 2 hours max at gigs and recordings. He also hasn't been showing sometimes when they've been practicing. They also had 'major problems' with the All For One recording (... waits for the endless jokes), not sure if again that's do with Reni or other factors.

Sensible bets seem to be that the Wembley and Hampden gigs could be the last hurrah 

[The Red Telephone]

2 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

To be fair there was more than 24 hours between Squire doing that sculpture and then backtracking on it.

Although that was only on 6 Music at the weekend, I think the actual interview was done last year when they were over for the Out of Time events...they are both wearing the same clothes as the London thing! I agree, it's probably not going to happen...but I would never say never with them, despite what they have said. They clearley still love and respect each other.

[ghostdancer1]

10 minutes ago, The Red Telephone said:

As page 100 looms on the horizon, I'm going to try and précis what we know/ don't know. Forgive me if there are any errors/ feel free to correct! By the time I have finished writing, hopefully this will be defunct and we will know for sure....

Time slot/ placing:

As we already know our 3 Pyramid headliners (and subs on Friday and Sunday) and a pretty good idea of the Other headliners, we are left with the following options for "something huge"

• Pyramid-sub Saturday

 

 

if we "know" the Pyramid sub on Friday, then we also know the Pyramid sub on Saturday, as the info for both has been provided by NME in the same way.

 

[EamerRed]

3 minutes ago, Deaf Nobby Burton said:

You've succesfully condensed 100 pages into about 97 pages.

Made me laugh quite a lot that and I'm not really sure why 

[The Red Telephone]

1 minute ago, stuartbert two hats said:

But that was a couple of years before they got back together.  The Stipe quote is literally from yesterday.

Interview was from last year, I think. 

[stuartbert two hats]

Just now, mufcok said:

Just on the Roses, for anyone who is bothered (not a lot going off what I read on here)

There was a lad who met Ian Brown in Scotland yesterday on one of the facebook fan groups (pictures with him etc). Apparently.. there will be no more new stuff. Most of it has been recorded since 2013 but they are having major issues with Reni. His knee is in a bad way and he can't play for more than 2 hours max at gigs and recordings. He also hasn't been showing sometimes when they've been practicing. They also had 'major problems' with the All For One recording (... waits for the endless jokes), not sure if again that's do with Reni or other factors.

Sensible bets seem to be that the Wembley and Hampden gigs could be the last hurrah 

In that case can Brown crack on and do some more solo albums?  After an uncertain start, he seemed to have really got into his stride and was releasing a regular stream of pretty good albums.  He was never going to tour stadiums on his own, but his solo albums had a lot more ideas in them than the Roses material.

[The Red Telephone]

3 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

He missed out Elbow

FFY

[mufcok]

Just now, stuartbert two hats said:

In that case can Brown crack on and do some more solo albums?  After an uncertain start, he seemed to have really got into his stride and was releasing a regular stream of pretty good albums.  He was never going to tour stadiums on his own, but his solo albums had a lot more ideas in them than the Roses material.

I imagine so yeah

[Wooderson]

2 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

He missed out Elbow

Over a pint in Dublin recently, Guy Garvey gave it the eyes when my mate asked were they playing.

[stuartbert two hats]

Just now, The Red Telephone said:

Interview was from last year, I think. 

It says "Listen to more from R.E.M. with Matt Everitt on The First Time With… on Sunday 21 May, 13:00-14:00, and for the following 30 days on iPlayer Radio."

Sunday the 21st is this year, what makes you think it's an old interview?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Just now, The Red Telephone said:

FFY

Heh....you wish.

What about this mysterious figure?:

 

[Cath-T]

What about Bruno Mars, he's pretty 'big' at the minute and has time in his tour to perform...

[stuartbert two hats]

Just now, CaledonianGonzo said:

Heh....you wish.

What about this mysterious figure?:

 

Who's that?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Just now, stuartbert two hats said:

Who's that?

Could be anyone - I don't really follow cricket.

[The Red Telephone]

1 minute ago, stuartbert two hats said:

It says "Listen to more from R.E.M. with Matt Everitt on The First Time With… on Sunday 21 May, 13:00-14:00, and for the following 30 days on iPlayer Radio."

Sunday the 21st is this year, what makes you think it's an old interview?

In that clip that someone posted, they are wearing the same clothes as the London Out of Time event from last year.

[EamerRed]

5 minutes ago, stuartbert two hats said:

In that case can Brown crack on and do some more solo albums?  After an uncertain start, he seemed to have really got into his stride and was releasing a regular stream of pretty good albums.  He was never going to tour stadiums on his own, but his solo albums had a lot more ideas in them than the Roses material.

I think the fact that there have been no IB solo albums in the past couple of years shows that they at least intended to release 'proper' new music; it wouldn't surprise me if AFO and BT were just thrown together to fulfill contractual obligations.

I really think three of them are in it for the right reasons and want to create good music and do big tours (we can joke about All For One but Beautiful Thing was a decent song), but as before, Reni is the spanner in the works. Genius, but clearly something wrong mentally.

Edited May 17, 2017 by EamerRed

[The Red Telephone]

5 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Heh....you wish.

What about this mysterious figure?:

 

 

5 minutes ago, Cath-T said:

What about Bruno Mars, he's pretty 'big' at the minute and has time in his tour to perform...

Update