2019 Headliners

[Doug85]

And... don't forget that Gary Barlow is a massive c*nt

[eFestivals]

1 minute ago, Doug85 said:

And... don't forget that Gary Barlow is a massive c*nt

a massive tax-dodging c**t.

[Hawros]

1 minute ago, eFestivals said:

it was a long time ago, but I'd have to disagree. Pop shite.

... which is the reaction that makes me pretty confident we won't be seeing her come June.

[vintagelaureate]

2 minutes ago, Sasperella said:

Haha same...I think it's more of a reflection of the age bracket of my Glasto crew and the fact that as we have very different tastes in music we are rarely all together. Craig David was one of those times we all enjoyed, and that's usually one of the key criteria for something becoming a highlight 

TS5 has since become a running joke with my friends!

[SwedgeAntilles]

You're never more than 6ft away from a Take That fan at Glastonbury

[Gucci Piggy]

29 minutes ago, Hugh Jass said:

It’s like saying Dolly Parton or Lionel Richie fans aren’t at Glastonbury.

We're talking about headliners, though. Do you think Glastonbury would book someone like Dolly Parton or Lionel Richie to headline? If Glasto could get either P!nk or Take That to play mid-afternoon on the Pyramid I'm sure they'd book them, and they'd draw massive crowds, but it's completely different when talking about headliners, and I don't think there are enough proper P!nk/Take That fans at Glasto to warrant them headlining.

[stuartbert two hats]

1 hour ago, Bradders said:

That’s what I mean, it’s nothing to do with how ‘big’ they are when they’re typical chart pop acts. It doesn’t apply to the more traditionally Glastonbury genres like rock and indie.

Agreed. Otherwise Katy Perry would never have played third down.  I'm tempted to say that pop acts always punch below their weight, the only difference with Sheeran and Adele is that they were (and are) so huge, that punching below your weight still has you headline the place. 

Or to put it another way - let's say that Arcade Fire and Kasabian  have 1000 "bigness points", the minimum need to headline Glastonbury.  Arguably Katy Perry also has 1000 points, but she's pop, so sorry Katy, a %25 reduction in points, giving you 750, only enough to play third down.  Adele and Ed have about 2000 points each, so 2000 minus %25 is still 1500 - enough to headline.

I'd say Ed suffered from the "pop  act" weighting in 2014, when he was objectively "big enough" to play a higher slot.

 

There's no subject that can't be improved by unnecessary maths.

[Hugh Jass]

11 minutes ago, Gucci Piggy said:

We're talking about headliners, though. Do you think Glastonbury would book someone like Dolly Parton or Lionel Richie to headline? If Glasto could get either P!nk or Take That to play mid-afternoon on the Pyramid I'm sure they'd book them, and they'd draw massive crowds, but it's completely different when talking about headliners, and I don't think there are enough proper P!nk/Take That fans at Glasto to warrant them headlining.

Can’t speak so much for Pink but I’m pretty sure TT would draw a substantial crowd if they headlined. Festivals aren’t about proper fans, I’ve seen loads of stuff at Glasto I’d never pay to see. TT would draw a healthy mix of fans, people liked them when they were kids,  people who know a few of their songs (most people would recognise two or three at least), people who’ve heard they put on a good show (don’t underestimate the hype their booking would generate) and those who’ll just watch anything on the Pyramid...

I have no doubt they’d draw a headliner sized crowd.

[Gucci Piggy]

1 minute ago, Hugh Jass said:

Can’t speak so much for Pink but I’m pretty sure TT would draw a substantial crowd if they headlined. Festivals aren’t about proper fans, I’ve seen loads of stuff at Glasto I’d never pay to see. TT would draw a healthy mix of fans, people liked them when they were kids,  people who know a few of their songs (most people would recognise two or three at least), people who’ve heard they put on a good show (don’t underestimate the hype their booking would generate) and those who’ll just watch anything on the Pyramid...

I have no doubt they’d draw a headliner sized crowd.

Tbf I almost deleted that last part because it wasn't even really what I was trying to say in the first place. The point was more that Glastonbury just isn't a place where acts like that get to headline. They can play lower down and draw huge crowds, but they don't get booked to headline unless, as has been said about Adele and Ed Sheeran, they're in the zeitgeist, which acts like P!nk and Take That aren't. Even if Take That could draw a decent crowd headlining, they're certainly not gonna be booked to do so.

[incident]

1 minute ago, stuartbert two hats said:

Agreed. Otherwise Katy Perry would never have played third down.  I'm tempted to say that pop acts always punch below their weight, the only difference with Sheeran and Adele is that they were (and are) so huge, that punching below your weight still has you headline the place. 

Or to put it another way - let's say that Arcade Fire and Kasabian  have 1000 "bigness points", the minimum need to headline Glastonbury.  Arguably Katy Perry also has 1000 points, but she's pop, so sorry Katy, a %25 reduction in points, giving you 750, only enough to play third down.  Adele and Ed have about 2000 points each, so 2000 minus %25 is still 1500 - enough to headline.

I'd say Ed suffered from the "pop  act" weighting in 2014, when he was objectively "big enough" to play a higher slot.

 

There's no subject that can't be improved by unnecessary maths.

I actually largely agree with that.

Except to say - 350,000 tickets sold in an hour or whatever it was should still put her way ahead of Katy Perry. And even with a 25% hit I'd argue still over 1,000 points.

[Woffy]

30 minutes ago, DomDom1984 said:

They could probably get away with Gary Barlow at a push, and down the line, maybe Robbie Williams. I just couldn't see it at Take That. I've seen them three times and know what their audience is. It ain't Glasto.

I knew Williams name would pop up eventually. 

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

As I’ve said many times before he should be dragged to The Hague by his ego and tried for Crimes Against Humility. 

Delusions of fucking adequacy that bloke. 

 

(I promise I won’t mention this / rant again)

[Hugh Jass]

1 minute ago, Gucci Piggy said:

Tbf I almost deleted that last part because it wasn't even really what I was trying to say in the first place. The point was more that Glastonbury just isn't a place where acts like that get to headline. They can play lower down and draw huge crowds, but they don't get booked to headline unless, as has been said about Adele and Ed Sheeran, they're in the zeitgeist, which acts like P!nk and Take That aren't. Even if Take That could draw a decent crowd headlining, they're certainly not gonna be booked to do so.

Only way I could see them being booked would be if they reunited as a five and made a big deal of them as a heritage act.

Agree that it most likely won’t happen though.

[Mardy]

2 minutes ago, Woffy said:

I knew Williams name would pop up eventually. 

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

As I’ve said many times before he should be dragged to The Hague by his ego and tried for Crimes Against Humility. 

Delusions of fucking adequacy that bloke. 

 

(I promise I won’t mention this / rant again)

You keep going, mate. All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. Never let your sword rest by its side.

[incident]

5 minutes ago, Woffy said:

I knew Williams name would pop up eventually. 

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

As I’ve said many times before he should be dragged to The Hague by his ego and tried for Crimes Against Humility. 

Delusions of fucking adequacy that bloke. 

 

(I promise I won’t mention this / rant again)

You know he's already played the festival, right?

And arguably, it was that performance more than any other single factor that set him up to become so huge.

Edited October 24, 2018 by incident

[dentalplan]

Williams made a pretty good Britpop album back at the start of his career, which usually means carte blanche to headline any given Glastonbury.

[Quark]

If anyone doubts the strength of feeling about Williams, go back and read the 2017 Brits thread for a reminder of just how dreadful he is.

[kalifire]

First off, Craig David was completely ace last year and perfectly placed. Anyone who was there and didn’t enjoy getting caught up in all that on a sunny Sunday afternoon was a miserable killjoy. 

Second, I’m really torn on Pi!k. She’s commercially successful enough to headline but I have to agree with Bradders, there’s something about her music that hasn’t quite broken through in the same way as Gaga, let alone Swift or Madonna. It feel unfair to say because, defying many here, she effortlessly sold out multiple dates at Wembley Stadium. She’s clearly got a huge fan base and a back catalogue full of hits, but it’d just feel odd to have her headline. I don’t know. Can’t really explain it more than that. 

[Amy Lawn]

Pink is just more an entertainer than a musician. She's just got her image as "I'm a badass nonconformist" which is completely superficial, she trades in pretty standard formulaic pop songs, and her live shows are completely reliant on big expensive stunts. Glastonbury has never really had a headliner like that, but they did have Katy Perry who fits almost exactly into the same mould.

[stuartbert two hats]

43 minutes ago, incident said:

I actually largely agree with that.

Except to say - 350,000 tickets sold in an hour or whatever it was should still put her way ahead of Katy Perry. And even with a 25% hit I'd argue still over 1,000 points.

I wasn't really talking about Pink to be honest.  There's already two headliners for me this year, that's enough Pyramid time for one festival.

[jparx]

33 minutes ago, kalifire said:

First off, Craig David was completely ace last year and perfectly placed. Anyone who was there and didn’t enjoy getting caught up in all that on a sunny Sunday afternoon was a miserable killjoy. 

Second, I’m really torn on Pi!k. She’s commercially successful enough to headline but I have to agree with Bradders, there’s something about her music that hasn’t quite broken through in the same way as Gaga, let alone Swift or Madonna. It feel unfair to say because, defying many here, she effortlessly sold out multiple dates at Wembley Stadium. She’s clearly got a huge fan base and a back catalogue full of hits, but it’d just feel odd to have her headline. I don’t know. Can’t really explain it more than that. 

I think for the average person Pink, Gaga, Madonna and Swift are all just artists with catchy pop tunes. It's only dorks like us that look that closely in to their music.

[beau1]

33 minutes ago, jparx said:

I think for the average person Pink, Gaga, Madonna and Swift are all just artists with catchy pop tunes. It's only dorks like us that look that closely in to their music.

And even a dork like me can't see much of a difference between pink and the likes of Madonna, Swift, Gaga.

Pop shite as far as I am concerned. The idea that one would headline over the other due to some sort of musical validity is frankly absurd. 

 

[suzie sue]

Pink is just a bit shite 

[The Nal]

Pyramid

Cheryl Cole

Nelly

M People

 

Other

Hootie and the Blowfish

Foxy Brown

Ultravox

 

Legends

Marc Cohn

[Mardy]

3 minutes ago, The Nal said:

Pyramid

Cheryl Cole

Nelly

M People

 

Other

Hootie and the Blowfish

Foxy Brown

Ultravox

 

Legends

Marc Cohn

 

I'm Sarah Jones, not Foxy Brown

 

 

[jj200]

1 hour ago, The Nal said:

Pyramid

Cheryl Cole

Nelly

M People

 

Other

Hootie and the Blowfish

Foxy Brown

Ultravox

 

Legends

Marc Cohn

Have you heard of Glastonbury.