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Things that annoy you ?

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Cheers folks, used to it now. Rest and painkillers and it reinflates on it's own. I don't even go to hospital when it happens now unless it's a major collapse and needs a chest drain. Just pissed off, had the really fucked lung fixed and convinced myself the other one would not be such a problem.

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Ive been driving for about a year now and a few things annoy/ammuse me depending on what mood im in.....

People at zebra crossings who dont thank me for stopping. I know they dont have to thank the driver, but out of politeness I always do, so I expect the same courtesy. I know im legalling obliged to stop as well but alot of drivers dont so when someone does a wave or thank you doesnt hurt.

People who tailgate for no reason, fucking retards who think they own the road !

People who dont indicate !

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Cheers folks, used to it now. Rest and painkillers and it reinflates on it's own. I don't even go to hospital when it happens now unless it's a major collapse and needs a chest drain. Just pissed off, had the really fucked lung fixed and convinced myself the other one would not be such a problem.

Hope all is alright.

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My personal situation is pretty shit atm (not as bad as Spindles', hope things get better), and I'm kinda embarrassed to talk to many of my friends about it right now, and counselling and therapy is being seriously difficult, so if people don't mind, I'm going to rant here. Feel free to ignore, because it's pretty long, and it's all my own personal bollocks, and going into a lot of the more miserable side of my history.

Edit 2: ----snip----

So now, soon to turn 24, I'm going to be in 1st year of uni for the 4th time. I've got my old job back, and I reckon I can just about afford to commute from Bristol rather than live here, but I'm absolutely miserable about the fact that I let the abuse my parents give me affect me so much. I'm trying not to dwell on what-ifs, but ultimately, I hate my parents for what they do to me, and I hate myself for letting them. I've justified my stepdad's claim about me as a complete failure. I still haven't learned how to deal with the emotional torture they make me put myself through, and I keep on fucking up my life because of it. I finished A-levels over 5 years ago with exceptional results, and I'm still in a dead-end job, single, failing to get anywhere with uni, partially living with parents who routinely go into sadistic criticism of me, and only ever feeling any real sense of happiness when watching live music. With most of my friends having graduated in the last year or 2, and all the people I'm close to at uni going to this year, I'm feeling lonely, isolated, and terrified that I'm never going to break out of this cycle. I can't move forward with my life while I feel like this, yet while my life is stagnant it only perpetuates me misery. It's a horrible Catch 22 situation and I feel like I'm doomed to never escape and move on with my life. I hate feeling like this, yet because I'm so used to it, I'm scared to experience something else. I have such disgust and contempt for myself for letting this happen to me, and even more because I'm stupid enough to not take my own advice regarding depression and try to accept that it isn't all my fault. Apart from a few stolen hours-weekends of bliss, I live my life in a near-constant state of stress and misery, and every bit of progress I make seems to be futile. Most of all, I'm embarrassed to admit to all my friends that once again, I've fucked up. No matter how helpful they've been in the past, I'm sure that at some point they're going to get fed up of my repeated failures and feel the same disgust towards me as I do.

Edit: Thanks for anyone who reads through all this. I might well edit a lot of this post away later, as while the anonymity of the internet can be a comfort, I'm still not sure I want a summary of my life on the 1st page of a thread, but I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Edited by kaosmark2
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Wow. I don't want to trivialise it with meaningless advice or judge you (which is what a lot of people do instead of just listen) so I'm just saying I read all of that.

I don't really know how to comfort you - mainly because I know what those feelings are like and I know that the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you how to solve your problems. "Just do this! Just change how you think! Of course it's that easy!" Those people only make things worse.

I consider you one of the most intelligent and cool people on here. You deserve so much better from those around you.

Edited by Purple Monkey

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I read all of that and can relate in some way. However I did get to the bit you said "You are the worst procrastinator in the World" and I nearly pissed myself laughing. Sorry.

I wish I was in a position to really help. Living under constant stress is awful, for whatever reason, and just grinds you down. However never apologise or be embarrassed for fucking up (personally I dont think you have). As long as you are able to learn along the way even that is a positive. It has taken of a lot of pain and heartache and lonliness to get to my position. I am skint, in my 40's but relatively happy, most of all I dont worry what people think of me. Mind you I dont really like people anyway ;-) I have to laugh as over the past couple of months I have had a couple of minor strokes called TIA's and I have been told to expect more along the way and there is talk of me having vascular dementia. Certainly I am having memory issues but I am not at the stage of pissing myself. It is just ironic as I have been funding myself to do psychology as I already have a degree in biology, and I have been doing really well (85 percent average as I go into my final year).

I dont say that so as to gain sympathy but more to highlight the fact I am quite content. But it has taken me nearly 30 years to be able to feel that way. I often have wondered what it must be like to be "normal". Sometimes posting stuff on there boards can be really liberating, especially if you are able to revisit it later on. You show a lot of strength in your post, as well as courage and I for one would like to think you for sharing it.

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I'd dropped out of Uni a few times in my teens, mainly because when I was 18 I found other 18 year olds childish and immature and couldn't really relate to anyone in my year group, can't imagine what its like at 24..

Not sure if theres any vocational on the job training/careers that you fancy but being around more mature people plus the extra cash for your own place and more freedom may help your mental state.

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Wish there was something I could say mate.

I want to say something, because of parallels I can see, but I don't want to be that preachy twat who thinks his own views are the answers, because they aren't, because if they were my life would be perfect.

Venting here is good, it helps to get it all out and on the table in order, to be able to stand back and look at it and realise that, despite what some nasty cnuts might tell you, it is not all in your head, it is not your fault.

I can't say what the answer will be for you but I truly hope you find it, you deserve to find it.

Be well.

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I consider you one of the most intelligent and cool people on here. You deserve so much better from those around you.

Seconded. I wish I could say something to help, it's horrible to be in a situation that feels like you can't get out of.

You might make friends with other mature students there - I went to uni at 24, I was married with 3 kids, so the 18 year olds felt like a generation away. But I loved it there, and I was severely depressed before I went.

http://www.bullyonline.org/

The above site might help, it helped me when I was going through a bad time, both to understand why people were behaving the way they did, and my own reaction to it.

I really hope life gets better for you.

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I read it mate.

Glad you've found a place where you can feel comfortable to vent. I'm sure you realise you can do this on here whenever you want. I don't have too much experience with the difficulties you've faced or are facing, so not sure how much help I can be, but from PMing with you before I know what your ambitions are in science. PM me if you ever need any advice on this, or anything else.

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Can I just ask on to what your involvement with festivals is? The only reason I ask is that there is a good core of eFesters that dont post much but make up large groups at various festivals, Glastonbury included. I was on my arse when I started on here but I met up with the group and they are welcoming and non judgemental. I have had so much support from them, and people directly on here, that has been humbling to say in the least. There is a lot of support if you want it.

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Read it all mate. Was a very sobering read and puts my problems in perspective. Agree with the above posts about you being one of the best people on here. I honestly hope things only get better for you.

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Read it all.

Not sure what to say or how to advise.Due to circumstances within my life the past year I find myself constantly sharing your final thoughts which is constantly on my mind.

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Thanks everyone. I've spent the last two hours just reading over your posts repeatedly. It means a hell of a lot that even an 8-page moan isn't enough to deter you all from reading and offering support. It is absolutely amazing to get a strong response when you reach out in need.

Here's my direct replies to everyone's posts, but please don't take the ones I've spent more time responding to as meaning more to me, it's just that I can vocalise or elaborate responses to some more easily.

Wow. I don't want to trivialise it with meaningless advice or judge you (which is what a lot of people do instead of just listen) so I'm just saying I read all of that.

I don't really know how to comfort you - mainly because I know what those feelings are like and I know that the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you how to solve your problems. "Just do this! Just change how you think! Of course it's that easy!" Those people only make things worse.

I consider you one of the most intelligent and cool people on here. You deserve so much better from those around you.

Thanks for reading and posting. I wish I knew what comfort I needed, as you say, there's a lot of things you don't want to hear when you talk about your problems, but it's very hard to know what will help. This has, and is much appreciated.

I read all of that and can relate in some way. However I did get to the bit you said "You are the worst procrastinator in the World" and I nearly pissed myself laughing. Sorry.

I wish I was in a position to really help. Living under constant stress is awful, for whatever reason, and just grinds you down. However never apologise or be embarrassed for fucking up (personally I dont think you have). As long as you are able to learn along the way even that is a positive. It has taken of a lot of pain and heartache and lonliness to get to my position. I am skint, in my 40's but relatively happy, most of all I dont worry what people think of me. Mind you I dont really like people anyway ;-) I have to laugh as over the past couple of months I have had a couple of minor strokes called TIA's and I have been told to expect more along the way and there is talk of me having vascular dementia. Certainly I am having memory issues but I am not at the stage of pissing myself. It is just ironic as I have been funding myself to do psychology as I already have a degree in biology, and I have been doing really well (85 percent average as I go into my final year).

I dont say that so as to gain sympathy but more to highlight the fact I am quite content. But it has taken me nearly 30 years to be able to feel that way. I often have wondered what it must be like to be "normal". Sometimes posting stuff on there boards can be really liberating, especially if you are able to revisit it later on. You show a lot of strength in your post, as well as courage and I for one would like to think you for sharing it.

I hope I'll never begrudge someone laughter. It's a strong, positive reaction, and I wish I could do it more myself. There's no need to apologise.

Well the fucking up belief is comparative and cumulative. While a couple of friends have dragged out degrees with various issues, they're still a lot further along in their life than me. What's worse though, is the comparison to my expectations, my mother took such pride in my academic ability and kept on making a big deal out of it, yet all it lead to was a sense that anything less than world-shattering achievement was a failure to achieve my potential. What's most embarrassing, is that it's the same issues, again and again, that are causing problems. Even though they're not identical, the similarities are still prominent, and it's hard not to feel like I'm making the same mistakes repeatedly.

I'm glad to hear you're able to manage all your difficulties to the extent you feel content. I admire that strength and hope I can find similar.

I'd dropped out of Uni a few times in my teens, mainly because when I was 18 I found other 18 year olds childish and immature and couldn't really relate to anyone in my year group, can't imagine what its like at 24..

Not sure if theres any vocational on the job training/careers that you fancy but being around more mature people plus the extra cash for your own place and more freedom may help your mental state.

Well so far at Bristol I've mostly been spending time with 2nd-4th years, which has certainly helped a lot.

I have found working a really strong way to build myself back up, both in terms of the more mature atmosphere and greater financial freedom, yet the longer I've spent working in a place the more I start to feel like I'm stagnating. I actually really enjoy studying, but it's incredibly hard to start or resume, both on an individual piece of work, and in a more general thing, particularly when feeling shit. One of the big things though, is that having worked in both a university research lab - albeit in a work-experience minor position - and a private company where you can work your way up, I know that I want to progress through a degree, doctorate and go into scientific research, it's just the matter of dealing with my shit that surrounds it so I can get there.

Wish there was something I could say mate.

I want to say something, because of parallels I can see, but I don't want to be that preachy twat who thinks his own views are the answers, because they aren't, because if they were my life would be perfect.

Venting here is good, it helps to get it all out and on the table in order, to be able to stand back and look at it and realise that, despite what some nasty cnuts might tell you, it is not all in your head, it is not your fault.

I can't say what the answer will be for you but I truly hope you find it, you deserve to find it.

Be well.

You've already said something helpful with this post. Offering advice is worthwhile, as long as it's given as advice that might help rather than "the solution". You're clearly aware of the difference. Good luck dealing with your own.

Seconded. I wish I could say something to help, it's horrible to be in a situation that feels like you can't get out of.

You might make friends with other mature students there - I went to uni at 24, I was married with 3 kids, so the 18 year olds felt like a generation away. But I loved it there, and I was severely depressed before I went.

http://www.bullyonline.org/

The above site might help, it helped me when I was going through a bad time, both to understand why people were behaving the way they did, and my own reaction to it.

I really hope life gets better for you.

Wanting to help does.

I'm hoping I will make friends with other mature students, time will tell, but it would make a big difference to have people around who are a bit more mature.

I've never actually thought of my parents as bullying me before. All the emotional abuse, manipulations, lies and constant criticism and attacks wear me down, but I've just never even thought of it like that. It's a new perspective and maybe one worth considering.

I read it mate.

Glad you've found a place where you can feel comfortable to vent. I'm sure you realise you can do this on here whenever you want. I don't have too much experience with the difficulties you've faced or are facing, so not sure how much help I can be, but from PMing with you before I know what your ambitions are in science. PM me if you ever need any advice on this, or anything else.

Everyone's responses tonight have certainly helped make me more comfortable venting here. I try and move around my whining, as I'm incredibly aware of the potential for it to become tiresome, but the reaction here has been fantastic and helps a lot.

Can I just ask on to what your involvement with festivals is? The only reason I ask is that there is a good core of eFesters that dont post much but make up large groups at various festivals, Glastonbury included. I was on my arse when I started on here but I met up with the group and they are welcoming and non judgemental. I have had so much support from them, and people directly on here, that has been humbling to say in the least. There is a lot of support if you want it.

I'm a fan and attendee. I do 1-4 camping festivals/year and a variety of day-trips/locals. I haven't done Glasto yet, but hope to at some point in the next few years.

Read it all mate. Was a very sobering read and puts my problems in perspective. Agree with the above posts about you being one of the best people on here. I honestly hope things only get better for you.

I hope you don't dismiss your problems. Perspective is all well and good, but there's little as annoying as "well you're not some starving kid in Africa" attitudes that pretend others going through worse shit means that your own troubles can't cause problems. That said, I'm only glad if it's helped you deal with stuff.

Read it all.

Not sure what to say or how to advise.Due to circumstances within my life the past year I find myself constantly sharing your final thoughts which is constantly on my mind.

When things are difficult, it's so hard to break away from worrying about it. I tend to find that the worse they get, the more I focus on the problems and the bigger they feel. I hope you find a way to break away from thinking about stuff for a bit and snatch some enjoyment.

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When things are difficult, it's so hard to break away from worrying about it. I tend to find that the worse they get, the more I focus on the problems and the bigger they feel. I hope you find a way to break away from thinking about stuff for a bit and snatch some enjoyment.

Snatching enjoyment isn't really the problem.Everything seems fleeting with no real hope in my future.I dread to think how my friends/family think of me due to a constant cycle of disappointment.

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http://www.psycholog...nt-people-bully ( Please be careful clicking on the link contained in this article, it contains extremely unpleasant and distressing scenes - it's the article itself that might be useful. )

http://www.psycholog...asonable-people

Those two links are good for understanding and developing coping strategies for dealing with people who you might have difficulty relating with.

Hope they help.

Edited by feral chile

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You deserve so much better from those around you.

A worthy sentiment, but I'd say that idea has a lot to answer for.

The simple fact is that no one deserves anything from any other person (outside of parental nurturing), it's just that they might get it anyway.

But people often have the expectation that they do deserve something, and the failure for that to be delivered leads to disappointment (and more).

We are each an island. We can only rely on ourselves - as gets proven time and again when the shit hits the fan.

If you keep that in mind then there's no space for the disappointment that comes from expectations that will not be met.

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A worthy sentiment, but I'd say that idea has a lot to answer for.

The simple fact is that no one deserves anything from any other person (outside of parental nurturing), it's just that they might get it anyway.

But people often have the expectation that they do deserve something, and the failure for that to be delivered leads to disappointment (and more).

We are each an island. We can only rely on ourselves - as gets proven time and again when the shit hits the fan.

If you keep that in mind then there's no space for the disappointment that comes from expectations that will not be met.

If only interpersonal relationships were so simple. On an emotional level I only accept what people offer, that is I never ask or expect. However I always give freely but only if I am in a position to do that without harming myself. The other year someone I knew had a death in the family. Normally I would have rushed to support them but I was not in am emotional state myself to take it on board (without then needing help). As they had plenty of friends and family I was safe in the knowledge they would get support. However I was pariahed over it, even getting called a cold hearted c**t. Personally I would not expect support from someone that was themselves emotionally vunerable but then again I am a c**t.

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http://www.psycholog...nt-people-bully

http://www.psycholog...asonable-people

Those two links are good for understanding and developing coping strategies for dealing with people who you might have difficulty relating with.

Hope they help.

I found the video clip contained in the first article to be extremely distressing.

The second article was particularly useful, thanks. Glad I read that one first.

Having a bad few days, in a lot of pain, anxious about returning to work, my sicknote runs out tomorrow and the first appointment I could get with my GP was for 23rd September. I know I shouldn't worry and the best thing to do is communicate with work but instead I'm going to take more morphine and go back to bed, knowing that by the time I wake up the chance to speak to them will have passed.

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If only interpersonal relationships were so simple.

Actually, they are with the approach I said. :)

It's the expectations in either direction which fucks things up.

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I found the video clip contained in the first article to be extremely distressing.

The second article was particularly useful, thanks. Glad I read that one first.

Having a bad few days, in a lot of pain, anxious about returning to work, my sicknote runs out tomorrow and the first appointment I could get with my GP was for 23rd September. I know I shouldn't worry and the best thing to do is communicate with work but instead I'm going to take more morphine and go back to bed, knowing that by the time I wake up the chance to speak to them will have passed.

I have said this before but you really need to get an advocate for you. At the very least someone that will support you during some of this. You dont seen like a fuckwit to me and as far as I know you are not too far away from me, so when I get sorted at a pc I will pm you my details. Just please take it easy (kiss kiss)

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