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Guest jeffie

Joke of the Day

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Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe or thairm,

As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor, "this is the Serious Burns Unit."

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My Son was asleep at a party so I thought it would be hilarious to shave off his eyebrows and draw a big cock on his forehead.

Unfortunately, my wife failed to see the humoour when she picked him up for his feed.

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Top 10 jokes at this year's Edinburgh Fringe

The top 10 jokes:

1) "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." – Stewart Francis

2) "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly." – Tim Vine

3) "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." – Will Marsh

4) "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." – Rob Beckett

5) "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don't know Y." – Chris Turner

6) "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze." – Tim Vine

7) "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." – George Ryegold

8) "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" – Stewart Francis

9) "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad." – Lou Sanders

10) "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn't fancy her chances." – Nish Kumar

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Something to kickstart your
monday!
2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is a easy way to earn money".
The other boy said, "How?"
The boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!"
Dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
Mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then tries it on the mailman, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

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