Testicular cancer, Glastonbury & guilt

[glastofun]

This time yesterday I was looking forward to getting the line up and then a few gigs before Glastonbury, then the festival itself. Now, since this morning, I'm pretty certain my boyfriend has testicular cancer.

He's been to an emergancy doc (not his own GP) who said he thinks it is cancer, but his own GP needs to refer him to have a scan. He wont be able to see his GP until tues at the earliest with it being bank holiday etc.

I've been with him for a few years, and obviously my priority is him, not a festival. If it is cancer, and he needs treatment, it could be over Glastonbury. I can't help hoping that it isn't around that time and I can still go. Does this make me a selfish cu*t? He's totally not into Glastonbury and has never been and never intended to go this year either.

He would never expect me to cancel it anyway, I'm going to a gig this fri and he wouldn't hear of me cancelling it. I'd be really keen to hear anyone's thoughts on this. I don't really wanna trouble anyone we both know as obviously the concern is him not my selfish thoughts regarding Glastonbury!

[strudders]

This time yesterday I was looking forward to getting the line up and then a few gigs before Glastonbury, then the festival itself. Now, since this morning, I'm pretty certain my boyfriend has testicular cancer.

He's been to an emergancy doc (not his own GP) who said he thinks it is cancer, but his own GP needs to refer him to have a scan. He wont be able to see his GP until tues at the earliest with it being bank holiday etc.

I've been with him for a few years, and obviously my priority is him, not a festival. If it is cancer, and he needs treatment, it could be over Glastonbury. I can't help hoping that it isn't around that time and I can still go. Does this make me a selfish cu*t? He's totally not into Glastonbury and has never been and never intended to go this year either.

He would never expect me to cancel it anyway, I'm going to a gig this fri and he wouldn't hear of me cancelling it. I'd be really keen to hear anyone's thoughts on this. I don't really wanna trouble anyone we both know as obviously the concern is him not my selfish thoughts regarding Glastonbury!

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Don't worry about guilt babes ((((((((HUGS)))))))) I give good hugs.

It sounds like you will be worried whilst you are there. As long as you know that you can get home, and have a plan for that and a way to contact each other, go for it. Effing difficult one, I would say "Balls to that" but it is slightly inappropriate

At the end of the day it sounds like are going to be really supportive with him, but sometimes you need to look after number one first, then you are in a better position to support someone else.

Go with your heart

Dave x

[xploit]

Some great advice above, but the end of the day - only u and he can sort stuff out, and dont worry about things until you have the facts - no point getting yourself all worked up about something if it isnt going to happen, wait, get the facts then have a chat about it all, i'm sure things will work out for the best in the end one way or another...

[ig1234]

When you both know the facts, talk it over.

You are not a selfish **** at all. And don't let anybody tell you you are.

I have a heap going on at the moment both with my mum and with me. I will not be changing my plans for anything, and we have discussed my mum should anything happen to her and she will not have me missing Glastonbury.

Issues arise all the time and to be fair only you and your partner can decided what the best course of action is but I have changed my appointments with the Quacks to after Glasto and even got assurances from them that what may occur over the time I am there will not have any effects on my treatment and or diagnosis.

So that's my view.

Talk between yourselves and then between you you will have your answer.

I hope everything is OK and hope to see you there.

[Billy09]

As my name might suggest I am a GP. He should see his own GP first thing Tuesday. Most query cancer patients will be seen by a specialist within 2 weeks and a scan can be sorted out quicker than this. It is usually treatable if caught early. There are a lot of very harmless scrotal masses, and I would try not to lose any sleep over this until you know for certain. If it is cancer they will organise surgery quickly. I think you've just got to hold on until you know whats happening, and then ask him what he thinks as well about you going. I really feel for you, but try not to worry for now.

[bombfrog]

I don't think you're selfish at all. You wouldn't be on here asking for advice if you were!

I would however remind you that Glastonbury is only a music festival.

[ktej]

much like others have already posted, you cant begin to think cancelling or otherwise until you know what is what.

and even if you are not happy at the prospect of missing out etc, it doesn't make you selfish it makes you human.

Hope everything works out ok for you both!

[markeee]

just echoing what everyone else has said, not selfish at all

You dont know if it is definitely cancer yet, so fingers crossed it isnt!

If it isn't, then it's win win, if it unfortunately is, my only thought would be, would it help/make a difference if you stay and miss Glastonbury?

Hope it's all clear for him

[matt2007]

There is an old thought .....

If you are on a plane and its about to crash you put youre lifebelt on first then you are more able to help others.......

By coming to Glastonbury you may get the space and chill time you need to help your BF during his treatment. My brother in law was going through a similar thing with his wife and it gave both of them a bit of space.........

Hope all goes well whtever you do

[Laura_Babs]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Firstly, your not selfish. Secondly wait and see what happens closer to the time. Your feelings may change either way, treatment may be prior to Glastonbury or after. I think it is one of those things where Glastonbury still being a few weeks away, you have to decide closer to the time as a lot can happen in a month. Does that make sense.

Please don't feel guilty and all the best to you and your boyfriend.

[glastofun]

thanks to everyone for their reasoned advice and kind words. You've given me food for thought. It's amazing what support you can find from people you don't even know.

[Laura_Babs]

thanks to everyone for their reasoned advice and kind words. You've given me food for thought. It's amazing what support you can find from people you don't even know.

[Red Day]

Hope everything works out fine.

There is no way you are being selfish and I think you can see that from the posts in reply to your original.

Only you can make the choice of whether to attend or not, but it might be the place to go to get away and give yourself a bit of peace and relaxation.

Feel for you going through this

[xxtinkerbellxx]

Really sorry to hear about this, hope everything goes ok.

Personally if I was in the situation I wouldn't go. I'd want to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible and be with him every step of the way. One thing you can be certain of is that Glastonbury is going to be around for years to come so there is always next year. If i went and something dreadful happened to him i think i would kick myself for the rest of my life for not spending my time with him while i had the chance! But thats just me As everyone above has said nobody can make this decision for you, you gotta go with your heart!

[Gingerbond]

There's no real right or wrong decision with this. Only you know how you really feel about it. Hope everything goes well and good luck.

[Stuzo]

Just posted this in the duplicate thread before finding this one:

I don't really have any experience or medical knowledge of this, but having read about peoples experiences on other forums in the past the reaction of the first doctor saying that he thinks it is cancer (presumably with just a physical inspection) sounds very unusual. I get the impression that doctors are usually very keen to point out that there are many different things it could be and that cancer is just one of them (Cysts, benign growths, etc). It sounds like either your boyfriend has ended up with a very negative doctor or his worry about the situation has resulted in what the doctor said to him being twisted when he retold it to you. In short it sounds like it is far too early to be certain about anything and that the best thing you can do is remain positive and pragmatic.

[ukslim]

Just posted this in the duplicate thread before finding this one:

I don't really have any experience or medical knowledge of this, but having read about peoples experiences on other forums in the past the reaction of the first doctor saying that he thinks it is cancer (presumably with just a physical inspection) sounds very unusual. I get the impression that doctors are usually very keen to point out that there are many different things it could be and that cancer is just one of them (Cysts, benign growths, etc). It sounds like either your boyfriend has ended up with a very negative doctor or his worry about the situation has resulted in what the doctor said to him being twisted when he retold it to you. In short it sounds like it is far too early to be certain about anything and that the best thing you can do is remain positive and pragmatic.

[maninkilt]

This is a very personal thing, only you and your BF can say what's right, I have had some serious health problems recently and at many of the worst time I didnt want my family there, men can have very strong and deep protective feelings towards loved ones and I wanted to be able to take in and control any news.

Hope that all of this turns out to be irrelevant any way

[denwyn]

Hmm... I can't see why your asking for advice on here, i would have thought you know what to do...asking on here is like going on one of those daytime TV programes

Edited May 25, 2009 by denwyn

[jamseyboy]

This time yesterday I was looking forward to getting the line up and then a few gigs before Glastonbury, then the festival itself. Now, since this morning, I'm pretty certain my boyfriend has testicular cancer.

He's been to an emergancy doc (not his own GP) who said he thinks it is cancer, but his own GP needs to refer him to have a scan. He wont be able to see his GP until tues at the earliest with it being bank holiday etc.

I've been with him for a few years, and obviously my priority is him, not a festival. If it is cancer, and he needs treatment, it could be over Glastonbury. I can't help hoping that it isn't around that time and I can still go. Does this make me a selfish cu*t? He's totally not into Glastonbury and has never been and never intended to go this year either.

He would never expect me to cancel it anyway, I'm going to a gig this fri and he wouldn't hear of me cancelling it. I'd be really keen to hear anyone's thoughts on this. I don't really wanna trouble anyone we both know as obviously the concern is him not my selfish thoughts regarding Glastonbury!

[biki]

I've had Testicular cancer myself, and i'd say wait until you know for sure that it is, and how far advanced before you decide what to do.

from me telling my Dr i had a lump to having a scan was less than a week, and less than a week again before i was in hospital having it took out. I was really lucky that it was found early so all i needed was 1 dose of chemo for an afternoon a few weeks later, so even if it is anything, by the time Glasto comes round he could be at home with it all over and done with!

the Dr saying they think he has cancer is complete rubbish and just scaring you, there's no way of knowing until they do the scan and test the lump if they take it out.

feel free to ask any questions if you're worried about it!

[Loz3005]

Hey

My dad was told he has cancer before just Christmas. He had found somthing wrong with him in June and his still not started proper treatment. All these things take a while on the NHS so I wouldn't worry. Just wait to see what happens..............

[glastofun]

I've had Testicular cancer myself, and i'd say wait until you know for sure that it is, and how far advanced before you decide what to do.

from me telling my Dr i had a lump to having a scan was less than a week, and less than a week again before i was in hospital having it took out. I was really lucky that it was found early so all i needed was 1 dose of chemo for an afternoon a few weeks later, so even if it is anything, by the time Glasto comes round he could be at home with it all over and done with!

the Dr saying they think he has cancer is complete rubbish and just scaring you, there's no way of knowing until they do the scan and test the lump if they take it out.

feel free to ask any questions if you're worried about it!

[skinnydad]

I've been there, no fun and I can imagine how your BF is feeling, he needs to have a scan before any assessment is made they can tell there and then if its a cyst so he could have the all clear very soon.

If they think it could be a problem out it comes (I had mine done in Day Surgery) and they will run an histology the results of this are very quick, any further treatment will be carried out within days.

Mine was very rare, caught early, and ended up being benign so no problem

You should concentrate on him and what he needs until you have a full picture.