Oh yes....this is going to be one hell of a long post. i think this is most of the poems i've ever written...
So often I have tried to understand,
The complex workings of my mind.
Why I am. Who I am.
Yet still no answers I can find.
In turmoil between heart and head,
Wanting live, wishing I was dead.
Hate and love. Confusion and clarity.
Why can't life be simple instead?
Will I be alone forever?
Is this how life will always be?
If I just stop to observe but still
So this is a bit of a merge of previous blogs i have posted elsewhere, but they are relevent to the here and now.
This is kind of going back to something i wrote in my actual diary the other day.
I'm not happy. It's not like its taken me 21 years to realise this, but i have come to the realisation my life is STILL a mess and i HAVEN'T gotten any better. I've felt depressed, been down since i was what, 11? That's 10 years of my life, nearly HALF my life i've felt this way. A
...that you thought would never end?"
So it would seem whenever i think my life is getting back on track..something goes wrong. I quit my job so i could concentrate on uni. Since being back at uni i've missed most of my lectures.
I thought i'd met a guy i really liked, who really like me. I went to see him,and we clicked (well i felt like we did). i've not felt that connected with someojne for a long time. But no, stupid me sleeps with him, he then stops speaking to me.
Which then make
So basically i had this nice lil idea that what with being bored of purple hair i'd go brown/black but leave a chunk of purple. So i redyed the pinky purple bit, then applies what i thought was dark brown hair dye to the rest of my hair.
Fast forward to an hour later...and low and behold...my hair is GINGER. Yes muggins here didn't realise that "Auburn" was a shade of well..ginger....
So i had a mad panic..i'd used all of the pink/purple hair dye and all i could find was blue and turquois
grrrrr i think i'm coming to termns with being single
basically its taken me a few months but i've learnt that men...are twats. especially if you make the stupid mistake of sleeping with them. i forgot that men after you've had sex with them tend to not want to have anyhthing to do with you, which makes things arkward. its my own silly fault but i just keep letting myself get used.
i think i partly went to leeds with some naive fantasy that i'd meet someone. thats not what happened. i just
Ok so i'm currently trying to pass my 2nd year of uni
Its not going very well
Doesn't help that i'm working pretty muhc every night this week, i'm knackereed and my insomnia is getting worse each night.
I spent monday miserable as hell, drinking myself into a pitiful slumber.
I want to look forward to leeds, and be all excited but right now i just can't. Not till i gte this stpid work done. Which means getting up early tomorrow even though i wont get back from work till about 4a
So a bit of history first, i've wanted it doen since i was 15. I remmeber see this girl i knew called Sarah-Jane and she had her labret done...and i wanted it! Bearing in mind that in 2000/2001 i didn't know anyone else who had it done, but i wasn't allowed it (needed the rents permission) and at the time i had braces so it would have been a pain in the ass.
So fast forward to when i was 16/17/18 never got it done during any of that time cos my school/6th form were really strict,
Well well well...it appears that i have created yet another blog. I just can't get enough of them, the only problem is that i have a tendency to get bored easily. Ah well....
For all those of you who don't know me (i think only a few do anyway), I'm Beki, i'm 20 and i'm a scummy student from sheffield.
Got my Download tickets yesterday...scary to think there's 2 weeks then i'm going to be camping in a field...i'm too skint for it really but meh..thats why i'm working as