The final day and I feel sorry for myself. I can't drink at the pace of the average Madness fan and I was foolish to try. I have vague memories of the super crowded inn, various fancy dress characters behaving in strange ways and saucy dancing girls with ample cleavage. I'm sure I've shortened my life span by at least a week. After a late rise I took advantage of the pool facilities. Free with the price of the ticket Butlins. It's a lot of fun and a wonderful novelty for a festival. There are water slides that twist and turn before dumping you into the warm water all completely covered. There is a pool that is in the shape of an “O” and it has an artificial current allowing you to float around in a circle or swim at double speed. I see large beer guts breaching the surface of the water like whales for oxygen as other hungover rotund men drift by a hung over daze.
The final day's programming is of a far mellower vibe with far less in the way of musical entertainment and more in the way of comedy and it finishes earlier (around 10pm) as most people will undoubtedly head home before the end of the day rather than stay until the Monday 12 midday kick out time. I look for food to soak up the alcohol, it's all greasy junk food and even the high street fast food shops are a good 30% more expensive than they'd usually be. I ask for a coffee at a bar and it's weak so I get an extra shot put in, the final bill for it is £5.30 which woke me up far more then any amount of caffeine. It makes me wonder what kind of tourists come here as it looks cheap and tacky but has prices to rival Monaco.
After the last two days I'm a bit over ska (although I don't say it out aloud or I wouldn't be here now) so I sit down to watch a few comedians, the jokes range from bawdy to stupid with the odd insightful gem but in the state most of us are in it's probably all we can handle. Like most punters I leave before the end, conscious that I have work the next day, the importance of which outweighs the quality of the event and Sunday programming. For anyone who decided to stay the week then the weather is set to be sunny and mild for most of the week and the local area is a wonderful part of the world for hiking and exploring little villages but I'd be surprised if Butlin's attendees ever leave that surreal little world that's been created.
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