The funniest thing I came across in the wee hours at Glastonbury last year was the world's smallest niteclub. It was around 2pm in a dark corner of the Circus Field, a huge crowd were dancing in front of a small curtained box which was banging out dance music. This was unexpected and me and a friend managed to bypass the queue and sneak in. Inside it was mental - a packed crowd of 10 were jumping around and screaming, one guy had decided he was the MC and another was skinning up by the DJ who looked like he was on a Punch & Judy stage at the back. There was crazy patterned fur fabric on the walls and lights flashing, including UV. This was the best club atmosphere I'd come across for a long time and I was thrilled to find it there again this year. It was open all three nights between 10pm and 2am, had a small bar outside and a large video screen showed what was going on inside. The bouncers were alot stricter this year and there was no getting past them without first queuing up and dancing and witnessing the goings on that go on. I decided I needed a word:
Who came up with this idea then?
Five mates had the idea of having it compact one night. It's a reaction to big club culture and the $40 a head ticket entry. This is a free party for free people.
What's your music policy?
It's got to be black, vinyl and have a whole in the middle. And cost under 20p
What's your drug policy?
Nothing under ½ kilo gets our attention.
Are you doing Ibiza this year?
No but we're doing more in England and some in Holland and France. Also trying to get gigs in Ireland.
Did you have the bar last year? It seems really well stocked although shouldn't they be miniature bottles?
The bar's separate. I think we're suffering from gigantism already by spawning these two awnings.
How many can you get in there?
Maybe 14, or maybe one really big person. We're very good at tall, not so good at wide.
How many resident DJs have you got?
Depends what you mean by DJ. We've got some really good people who can change records. We had Fat Boy Slim come in earlier and buy a couple of teeshirts and said he was gonna come and play tonight but no show - his careers on the slide now.
Zoe probably thought it was too small for her, she's a tall lass.
Oh we'd have fitted her in, we'd find a way. We should sue him for breach of verbal contract
Oh yeah, I saw that fight break out earlier, there was a bit of a tussle and I was thinking 'this is getting a bit heavy' - it was very convincing.
Oh we wouldn't know about that but they mostly don't turn into real
So where are you based? Weren't you down at Battersea Bridge or something?
Battersea or something, but we had to stop
Why are you laughing?
(aside) Look, this is a commune. I've had to give up my family, my friends, and everything I know to join the Miniscule. Theres some of us that want to get out but we can't get anyone to throw us a lifeline. Just print it please.
So can we tell anyone where you will be next?
When you're underground you have to stay underground - we're like a submarine, we just appear briefly.
Will you be back at Glastonbury next year?
The Miniscule of Sound and Retro Sound of London can be found on www.wsog.demon.co.uk
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