Glastonbury Conspiracy theories

[Matt42]

So me and my friend have had a few drinks and got us thinking. What conspiracies about glastonbury do you consider ridiculous or semi true?

mine

the flare people in crowds are hired / part of the festival - since security are so strict on flares being brought in.

you can't have a headline set without a flare - also who comes with to the festival with the sole intention to light a flare specifically for "all my life" by the foo fighters so the coverage on the BBC looks awesome?

sounds like a plant to me.

list your other mad theories 

[Slugworth]

43 minutes ago, Matt42 said:

So me and my friend have had a few drinks and got us thinking. What conspiracies about glastonbury do you consider ridiculous or semi true?

mine

the flare people in crowds are hired / part of the festival - since security are so strict on flares being brought in.

you can't have a headline set without a flare - also who comes with to the festival with the sole intention to light a flare specifically for "all my life" by the foo fighters so the coverage on the BBC looks awesome?

sounds like a plant to me.

list your other mad theories 

Hahahahaha what you been drinking? 

 

The flare people are having 'a moment', bless em'

 

[Rubber Soldier]

2 hours ago, Matt42 said:

So me and my friend have had a few drinks and got us thinking. What conspiracies about glastonbury do you consider ridiculous or semi true?

mine

the flare people in crowds are hired / part of the festival - since security are so strict on flares being brought in.

you can't have a headline set without a flare - also who comes with to the festival with the sole intention to light a flare specifically for "all my life" by the foo fighters so the coverage on the BBC looks awesome?

sounds like a plant to me.

list your other mad theories 

 

[Nobody Interesting]

I have a theory, Matt42 works for Efestivals to create silly threads to get comments and keep the advertising revenue up 

[UEF]

"Pack light" was partially an experiment in getting punters to bring less booze - and thus, buying the festival's own.

It's been tried before - a few years ago an announcement was made about only bringing 'what you can carry' which was speedily withdrawn.

[Drinky]

I'm convinced there were some flare plants when Kasabian headlined - about a dozen being pulled at exactly the same time in Fire? Hmmm

[Nduja]

2 minutes ago, Drinky said:

I'm convinced there were some flare plants when Kasabian headlined - about a dozen being pulled at exactly the same time in Fire? Hmmm

Nahh anyone could have told you Kasabian would have millions of flares as they are casual baiting lad rock

[Ejestivals]

Isn't it mandatory to light a flare during Kasabian?

[Mesuri]

6 hours ago, Matt42 said:

So me and my friend have had a few drinks and got us thinking. What conspiracies about glastonbury do you consider ridiculous or semi true?

mine

the flare people in crowds are hired / part of the festival - since security are so strict on flares being brought in.

you can't have a headline set without a flare - also who comes with to the festival with the sole intention to light a flare specifically for "all my life" by the foo fighters so the coverage on the BBC looks awesome?

sounds like a plant to me.

list your other mad theories 

Weird you should mention that because I had had this thought a couple of years running with seeing when people were setting them off. However I felt the conspiracy a bit farfetched when I saw people letting off flares in the JP for The Killers and realised how many health and safety codes were probably being broken haha

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

They serve 3.8% weasel piss Carlsberg to keep us all sober and well behaved.

[UEF]

There's a conscious effort to make part of the festival's attraction the food - and that the Growler losing its pitch wasn't a coincidence.

 

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

3 minutes ago, UEF said:

There's a conscious effort to make part of the festival's attraction the food - and that the Growler losing its pitch wasn't a coincidence.

 

Absolutely. They could've relocated the Growler if they really wanted, I know a lot of people are fond of it but it's the sort of stall that wouldn't look out of place in a B&Q car park.

[Wooderson]

Matt42 almost certainly checked my ticket and nearly refused me entry.

[stuartbert two hats]

The "payments to charity" are just a wheeze to get cheaper stewarding and to provide an excuse to pay their acts peanuts.

[Pinhead]

None of the smaller bands get paid for appearing, and so are forced to reiterate all through their performance that there are CD's, T-Shirts etc. available after the show.....

[dentalplan]

The festival is actually better than it used to be.

[Crazyfool01]

The monorail actually exists .... it's just no one has found it yet ... it must be near the unfound secret piano bar , rabbit hole and the dragon that's real and actually moves about 

[Pinhead]

The monorail is actually underground...

[verrymerry]

1 hour ago, Deaf Nobby Burton said:

They serve 3.8% weasel piss Carlsberg to keep us all sober and well behaved.

The Brothers Bar cider cancels out this theory 

 

[Pinhead]

Brothers was shit this year imho - very treacley and sweet for Festival Pear anyway - couldn't take to it this year.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Pinhead

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

14 minutes ago, verrymerry said:

The Brothers Bar cider cancels out this theory 

 

 

11 minutes ago, Pinhead said:

Brothers was shit this year imho - very treacley and sweet for Festival Pear anyway - couldn't take to it this year.

Conspiracy theory back on - trying to force people onto the piss weak Lager.

[verrymerry]

3 minutes ago, Deaf Nobby Burton said:

 

Conspiracy theory back on - trying to force people onto the piss weak Lager.

You're on. I can't comment as I couldn't have any! 

[Smeble]

The pyramid stage is in fact the sister ship to the Black Fortress from krull, it is home to the Eavis, a slightly befuddled old man with a funny accent and short trousers,  and only appears for 5 days a year bringing joy to the chair and blanket brigade, 

[bellboy]

The chair and blanket brigade are actually employed by the festival as a type of crowd control.  They are all in fact highly trained undercover security officers ready to jump into action if a major incident should occur by the crowd tripping over their chairs.

 

[UEF]

The 'deposit and balance' scheme is an accountancy wheeze to avoid (not evade!) tax by splitting the income across different years.

Edited July 7, 2017 by UEF