Future headliners

[Little Andy]

In regards to One Direction, its all about whether an act is manufactured. Are they a pop puppet designed to make money, or a genuinely creative act developing music. Some Glastonbury acts such as Will Young and Ellie Goulding maybe cross this line, I don't know, but One Direction are the current kings of this and I can't see them ever being booked.

Having said all that ... Beyonce's booking surprised me a few years back for these very reasons, so maybe I'm wrong! 

[CaledonianGonzo]

8 minutes ago, Little Andy said:

In regards to One Direction, its all about whether an act is manufactured. Are they a pop puppet designed to make money, or a genuinely creative act developing music.  

Maufactured pop puppet Ronnie Spector gave perhaps my favourite performance of G16.

[dentalplan]

So give it forty years and Liam Payne can pop up doing a few ditties on the Park Stage.

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

Boy and girl bands come and go, 1D are the biggest at the moment (despite not even being together) but there have been plenty bigger n the past, and have any of them ever headlined Glastonbury? 1D will be a distant memory before long and there will be another boy band at the top of the tree, who will also never headline Gladtonbury.

[CaledonianGonzo]

6 minutes ago, dentalplan said:

So give it forty years and Liam Payne can pop up doing a few ditties on the Park Stage.

Thing is, Take That date from an era when pop music was ubiquitous and so even if the inkie-reading Chumbawamba fan would recoil in horror at the idea of them playing a good number of their singles are ingrained in the musical muscle memory of the nation - and so, if they were to do it, it would be a success.

Purely due to the way that music consumption has changed I dunno if the same can really be said for 1D, and so outwith their fanbase they lack the recognition factor - which would torpedo their chances of the casual observer finding much to enjoy.

[Little Andy]

I think another question is the audience of the bands. One Direction are massive, but how big are they amongst Glastonbury goers. I would *guess* that most of their fans are either young teenagers, or casual music fans who wouldn't go to Glastonbury. Maybe.

But personally I still class Manufactured Pop Puppet Music as a different form of entertainment than the rest of music. And Glastonbury rarely caters for it.

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

I think it's more simple, every controversial artist they have booked, regardless of your personal opinion about them has musical talent. Kanye for example divides opinion but he has created a wealth of material over the years and has undeniable talent. 1D have been shoved together and sing other people's songs, to book them would surely go way beyond what the festival would deem credible musical talent.

[Little Andy]

Imagine Glastonbury was a Restaurant Festival. One of the most popular and best selling Restaurants in the world is McDonald's. But no-one who loves restaurants enough to go to a Restaurant Festival would want McDonald's to headline or even be there.

Same thing with One Direction.

[CaledonianGonzo]

But to continue that analogy, you'd still want the widest variety on the menu as possible - so if someone happens to be very, very good at making a burger you'd maybe still want to have them in the mix. 

[ohvienna]

Can definitely see Taylor Swift doing it at some point, I feel like if Beyonce has done it, she'd want to do it too. 

I was thinking about Alt-J and I reckon they could eventually headline Other stage, but can't see them doing the Pyramid. 

[Little Andy]

3 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

But to continue that analogy, you'd still want the widest variety on the menu as possible - so if someone happens to be very, very good at making a burger you'd maybe still want to have them in the mix. 

But Glastonbury Restaurant Festival wouldn't get McDonald's to make that burger, cos they are not thought of as good quality. They are mass produced for the masses. Glastonbury would get a quality Burger restaurant in.

Meanwhile, V Restaurant Festival would have McDonald's, Burger King and Subway as their headliners, and their punters would probably love it, being an audience of different taste (and probably age!).

Edited July 5, 2016 by Little Andy

[Winslow Leach]

Has anyone asked Neil Lonsdale what he thinks?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Launching a petition to prevent Thai food being added to the menu.

[Dave_c]

This food analogy is making me cuckle. I doubt 1D would be booked but I could see Take That being booked at some point. Their new stuff is a bit more grown up, their old stuff is dire and should never be played on the pyramid stage, ever!

[Vacant0]

Seen some very strange ones in this thread so far, but then again, maybe the same could be said for my stab at it below:

MOST LIKELY:

Returning headliners

Radiohead

Beyonce

The Cure

Paul McCartney

Arcade Fire / Mumford & Sons / Arctic Monkeys / Kings of Leon / The Killers (I'm sure at least some of these will be back in the future)

New headliners (Long time big acts who've never done it)

Foo Fighters

Madonna (Have Glastonbury ever tried to get her? Does she even play festivals? Unless there's some reason to believe otherwise (?) - I can see it happening eventually - I think she's canny enough to realise the good will and extra sales she'd get from it)

The Stone Roses

Elton John (I know he did Bestival a few years back, which is obviously smaller, but is there any real reason why he wouldn't headline Glastonbury? Has he never been asked? He's got so many hits and he can still sing. That's good enough for me...)

Depeche Mode (Ok, they're much bigger internationally than in the UK so would probably be quite suited to the Other Stage, but if Glastonbury got them to agree to headline the Pyramid - and have I read right that they have tried to - why not? Would strike me as similar to the Neil Young booking a few years ago)

New headliners ('breakthrough' acts)

The xx - If a new album is as well received as their previous two, The xx will absolutely be ready to step up and headline. Just look at the amount of Spotify plays they've got if you doubt that (and we're not just talking 1 or 2 songs), and then add their critical acclaim, and the fact they've already proved themselves with headline slots on smaller stages/smaller festivals. 

Kendrick Lamar - Kendrick Lamar is certainly on the right trajectory - though it could be a while. He hasn't exactly got the casually-known hits of Jay-Z or Kanye West yet, but if he isn't already, its clear that he's going to be the most important guy in hip-hop for years to come.

Ed Sheeran - I hope its not next year, but ye, fair play to him, Ed Sheeran will likely end up headlining in the not too distant future.

Taylor Swift - Same goes for Taylor Swift too I guess.

--

LESS LIKELY:

Big acts who've not headlined before - less likely

Daft Punk
Kate Bush
Fleetwood Mac
Green Day
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Rhianna or Lady Gaga

New headliners ('breakthrough' acts)

Tame Impala - Tame Impala are bigger than I realised, and from the sounds of it, their sub slot went down much better than most would have guessed. Maybe subbing the Pyramid is their peak, maybe it isn't - but I don't think we can say never.

Biffy Clyro - Biffy Clyro have definitely gone backwards in the UK and very likely missed their chance with Glastonbury now, but another massive album and it is possible, its just whether that will happen though.

The National - Seems more likely that The National won't ever break through to that level, but if the next album was either very critically acclaimed or a surprisingly big commercial success, they could be given the chance to step up too. They'd have earned the exposure such a headline slot would bring.

Queens of the Stone Age - Queens of the Stone Age would be a big curveball, but again, if a new album was very well received why not? Would be more exciting than just booking bands who've headlined several times before just because they're available. They'd give a cracking performance and would deserve it really.

Dizzee Rascal - If Dizzee Rascal releases something to trouble Album of the Year lists, rather than just the charts, again, maybe he'd deserve a punt. He's British for a start, and Glastonbury have booked him often enough to know he can pull a crowd and put on a good show.

Looking a bit further ahead:

Chvrches - Very early days so maybe they're a silly prediction - but if ever a band could be bumped up to that level and really nail it, I think Chvrches could do just that. I really did think they were fantastic on the Other Stage this year. I hope they're more than just a very good flash in the pan.
 

 

Edited July 5, 2016 by Vacant0

[Alex DeLarge]

28 minutes ago, Vacant0 said:

Dizzee Rascal - If Dizzee Rascal releases something to trouble Album of the Year lists, rather than just the charts, again, maybe he'd deserve a punt. He's British for a start, and Glastonbury have booked him often enough to know he can pull a crowd and put on a good show.

Dizzee is a weird one, he started out with acclaim and commercial appeal 13 years ago but then lost integrity along the way. Though recently tracks like Pagans and his Boy in da Corner full album shows show him going back to his roots, I doubt he'll ever make it to a headliner just because his set would be half full of shite and he's doomed to either make something popular or make something good. The only pop track I know people love is Bonkers. 

[stuartbert two hats]

24 minutes ago, Alex DeLarge said:

Dizzee is a weird one, he started out with acclaim and commercial appeal 13 years ago but then lost integrity along the way. Though recently tracks like Pagans and his Boy in da Corner full album shows show him going back to his roots, I doubt he'll ever make it to a headliner just because his set would be half full of shite and he's doomed to either make something popular or make something good. The only pop track I know people love is Bonkers. 

He could have done it if The Fifth hadn't been so utterly awful.  Like an ITV2 advert for an hour.  Something more like Tongue'N'Cheek might have pushed him over the edge.  But that last album wasn't a critical or commercial success, it stank on every level.

Edited July 5, 2016 by stuartbert two hats
removed "didn't"

[Alex DeLarge]

Just now, stuartbert two hats said:

He could have done it if The Fifth hadn't been so utterly awful.  Like an ITV2 advert for an hour.  Something more like Tongue'N'Cheek might have pushed him over the edge.  But that last album didn't wasn't a critical or commercial success, it stank on every level.

I just got war flashbacks to the Robbie Williams track, what a load of shite.

[stuartbert two hats]

1 minute ago, Alex DeLarge said:

I just got war flashbacks to the Robbie Williams track, what a load of shite.

I remember him being on Jonathan Ross around the time of Bonkers and he was asked

"What's next for you?"  

and the answer?

"Whatever sells man, whatever sells"

A sure fire way to sell fuck all.  

[Alex DeLarge]

6 minutes ago, stuartbert two hats said:

I remember him being on Jonathan Ross around the time of Bonkers and he was asked

"What's next for you?"  

and the answer?

"Whatever sells man, whatever sells"

A sure fire way to sell fuck all.  

It's honestly such a shame, every MC at the time was releasing crap though, Chipmunk became the worst of the bunch.

[stuartbert two hats]

3 minutes ago, Alex DeLarge said:

It's honestly such a shame, every MC at the time was releasing crap though, Chipmunk became the worst of the bunch.

I've mellowed a lot towards artists 'selling out' over the years, I mean at least they're still making music, not financial websites, but that really upset me when he said that, because up to that point I had a lot of respect for the man.

[Hugh Jass]

1 hour ago, Alex DeLarge said:

I just got war flashbacks to the Robbie Williams track, what a load of shite.

Jesus. I didn't need reminding of that.

At least all we got was Williams' face on a screen rather than him actually turning up.

[fatyeti24]

7 hours ago, arcade fireman said:

None of those acts headlined which is the key difference. Plus Years and Years however shit they are qualify as more of a "band" and Pharrell still has some critical leeway from his work with N.E.R.D. 

N*E*R*D had their moments; they were ok, but for me it was always his productions in The Neptunes that give him his critical leeway.  N*E*R*D just seemed like a vanity project off the back of them.

[Alex DeLarge]

1 hour ago, stuartbert two hats said:

I've mellowed a lot towards artists 'selling out' over the years, I mean at least they're still making music, not financial websites, but that really upset me when he said that, because up to that point I had a lot of respect for the man.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with making a good commercial record, I'd argue Konnichiwa is Skepta being both artistic and appealing to a wide audience, but gosh:

This is never acceptable.

[addicted2noise]

3 hours ago, Vacant0 said:

The xx - If a new album is as well received as their previous two, The xx will absolutely be ready to step up and headline. Just look at the amount of Spotify plays they've got if you doubt that (and we're not just talking 1 or 2 songs), and then add their critical acclaim, and the fact they've already proved themselves with headline slots on smaller stages/smaller festivals. 

I've been banging on about this but I 100% agree, their sound has also been a big influence on acts like Alt-J, London Grammar and even parts of the Wolf Alice debut.