Overheard funnies

[MetaKate]

1 hour ago, pauladam said:

Was this at the back of the Other stage field per chance?

I would love to answer that....but Im not entirely sure  I know it was saturday night around 1 or 2am and we went somewhere after adele and it would make so much sense if it was silver hays...and then we were trying to get to shangri-la...So quite possibly 

[pauladam]

7 minutes ago, MetaKate said:

I would love to answer that....but Im not entirely sure  I know it was saturday night around 1 or 2am and we went somewhere after adele and it would make so much sense if it was silver hays...and then we were trying to get to shangri-la...So quite possibly 

Haha - I think I did encounter several episodes similar to yours last year to be honest

[cpg2202]

Guy: Kelis is on soon, wouldn't mind seeing a bit of that

Girl: Is that the lady with the milkshake?

 

[hfuhruhurr]

last year, other stage at the back, near the food stands

space cadet: "hey, man, could you look after my fish"
me: "sure" (thinking he'd bought food and wanted me to hold it while he went to the loos)
space cadet hands me an imaginary fish and says: "I'm just going to get some food for it"
me: "can I stroke it while you're away?"
space cadet: "you're fucking weird man", snatches back is imaginary fish and stomps off

[MetaKate]

Chick with a trolley stuck in the mud near the enterance at gate A yelling at her boyfriend "if you don't help me with this fucking thing we're through!" 

He's at least 20ft in front of her "that's what you get for bringing so much crap! Goodluck without the tent." He kept walking. She kept screaming. 

[daisylane]

24 minutes ago, MetaKate said:

Chick with a trolley stuck in the mud near the enterance at gate A yelling at her boyfriend "if you don't help me with this fucking thing we're through!" 

He's at least 20ft in front of her "that's what you get for bringing so much crap! Goodluck without the tent." He kept walking. She kept screaming. 

I bet that was an awkward five days...

[Harmonic Prospector]

2 hours ago, MetaKate said:

I would love to answer that....but Im not entirely sure  I know it was saturday night around 1 or 2am and we went somewhere after adele and it would make so much sense if it was silver hays...and then we were trying to get to shangri-la...So quite possibly 

Just before the main entrance to the SE corner on the Saturday night around 2.30 there was a sea of people getting stuck and falling over in the mud. We had just finished watching Wheel Of Four Tunes on Sensation Seekers and it was probably the worst glue mud I experienced the whole weekend. Best part of about 50 people, including me and few friends, were all stuck for several minutes, eventually opting to get out of our wellies and wading through the mud in our socks. I think it also coincided with them shutting access to the SE corner around the same time, either because of capacity, ground conditions or both. 

[MetaKate]

1 hour ago, Harmonic Prospector said:

Just before the main entrance to the SE corner on the Saturday night around 2.30 there was a sea of people getting stuck and falling over in the mud. We had just finished watching Wheel Of Four Tunes on Sensation Seekers and it was probably the worst glue mud I experienced the whole weekend. Best part of about 50 people, including me and few friends, were all stuck for several minutes, eventually opting to get out of our wellies and wading through the mud in our socks. I think it also coincided with them shutting access to the SE corner around the same time, either because of capacity, ground conditions or both. 

I actually remember seeing that and avoided it with a massively ridiculous berth because of my life-and-death experience just prior to that. Luckily the mud pit I was in was a relatively small diameter and after I got stuck I just stopped moving (for fear of falling over or losing my wellies). So a couple of strapping lads literally lifted my out while I pulled my wellies out with my feet 

[Woffy]

27 minutes ago, MetaKate said:

I actually remember seeing that and avoided it with a massively ridiculous berth because of my life-and-death experience just prior to that. Luckily the mud pit I was in was a relatively small diameter and after I got stuck I just stopped moving (for fear of falling over or losing my wellies). So a couple of strapping lads literally lifted my out while I pulled my wellies out with my feet 

You massive cunning flirt, you!

"Hey-yulp, hey-yulp! Ah ahm stuck in the mud, ah do deh-clare!". Good skills, Kate! ;-)

[MetaKate]

13 minutes ago, Woffy said:

You massive cunning flirt, you!

"Hey-yulp, hey-yulp! Ah ahm stuck in the mud, ah do deh-clare!". Good skills, Kate! ;-)

If only there were mud pits to get caught in everyday *sigh* 

[Woffy]

Just now, MetaKate said:

If only there were mud pits to get caught in everyday *sigh* 

Life would be so much simpler. And dirrrtier. *return wistful sigh*

[Keva]

Not funny but woke up in my tent last year (in Dairy) to hear the couple in the next tent over having an 'argument'.

I think they both were on a comedown, but she was talking about how she was depressed and couldn't stop thinking about an abortion she had.

Pretty heavy stuff for a Thursday at Glastonbury...

She kept on going on about how she wanted to go for a walk but he just wanted to sleep.

I think in the end he had enough and just took her home.

 

Edited May 4, 2017 by Keva

[AbiC]

Do you know what was hilarious? In 2011 when you would be woken up by every other c.nt on the footpath shouting ALAN 

[Chipbarm]

49 minutes ago, AbiC said:

Do you know what was hilarious? In 2011 when you would be woken up by every other c.nt on the footpath shouting ALAN 

If it wasn't Alan it was DAN!

[PretentiousThinkpiece]

The first time I decided that alcohol is good was when, at the tender age of 11, I saw a man being carried by his mate singing a song about the benefits of drinking cider in a broad west country accent

[MilkyJoe]

And standing on the railway track in 2011 waiting for my missus to come out of the longdrops and hearing a bloke say to his missus "according to the map, the railway track should be around here somewhere!" 

I expect this has been uttered more than once...

[charlottesometimes]

Raving to Shades of Rhythm at Arcadia on the Friday.  A guy ran up to us out of nowhere and threw his whole pot of glitter all over my face.  I burst out laughing, he stood back for a few seconds with a look of fake outrage and then exclaimed 'hey!! you used up all my glitter!'

[stuartbert two hats]

16 hours ago, Woffy said:

You massive cunning flirt, you!

"Hey-yulp, hey-yulp! Ah ahm stuck in the mud, ah do deh-clare!". Good skills, Kate! ;-)

Can't beat a bit of Penelope Pitstop

[Tuna]

19 hours ago, hfuhruhurr said:

last year, other stage at the back, near the food stands

space cadet: "hey, man, could you look after my fish"
me: "sure" (thinking he'd bought food and wanted me to hold it while he went to the loos)
space cadet hands me an imaginary fish and says: "I'm just going to get some food for it"
me: "can I stroke it while you're away?"
space cadet: "you're fucking weird man", snatches back is imaginary fish and stomps off

Don't be too upset - lots of us fish like a wee stroke.

[PabloFitzyg]

Whilst on a mooch somewhere round Glasto I over heard two very wobbly guys,
one said to the other 'Is that sound out there or in my head' 

[windy_miller]

21 hours ago, Harmonic Prospector said:

Just before the main entrance to the SE corner on the Saturday night around 2.30 there was a sea of people getting stuck and falling over in the mud. We had just finished watching Wheel Of Four Tunes on Sensation Seekers and it was probably the worst glue mud I experienced the whole weekend. Best part of about 50 people, including me and few friends, were all stuck for several minutes, eventually opting to get out of our wellies and wading through the mud in our socks. I think it also coincided with them shutting access to the SE corner around the same time, either because of capacity, ground conditions or both. 

I got stuck in that mud on the way out of the SE corner.  There was a sea of people behind me, and seriously thought I was going to get trampled into the mud at one point.  Whilst getting pushed over I instinctively just grabbed on to the nearest thing to try and get my balance, which was some girl's arm.  At which point she just screamed "LET FUCKING GO OF ME!" at me.

The funniest thing I've ever heard at glasto was in 2009 (I think... one of the years Rolf played anyway).  I was in my tent and overheard some people in the tent next to me.  In a thick Bristol accent for full comic effect...

"My dad did some work on Rolf Harris' house... supposedly he's a right c**t!"

Turned out he was right too!

Edited May 5, 2017 by windy_miller

[not worthy]

13 hours ago, MilkyJoe said:

And standing on the railway track in 2011 waiting for my missus to come out of the longdrops and hearing a bloke say to his missus "according to the map, the railway track should be around here somewhere!" 

I expect this has been uttered more than once...

hmm, waiting for your missus, some bloke said to his missus........is this a case of 'a friend of mine .....'

me thinks twas you sir!

[jeffers81]

Around three in the morning near to the long drops by the other stage a group of hen party looking girls singing Adele someone like you at a solitary copper. They kept pausing at the 'you' part for the Bobbie to sing, after two or three attempts he gave in and meekly sang it much to the joy of the group of girls who then started on a take that song. Put a massive smile on my face just before bed and always a reminder of why I love the festival so much.