Make the best of it and heres how (everyone gives a tip)

[big__phil]

Here's a good one - the police often give out freebees to punters, including a phone pouch which goes around your neck. These pouches are also excellent at storing other, erm, things. It'll keep your rizla dry, and away from the rain!

[seebee71]

When anyone mentions Baz Luhrmann, and John Peel's version of Sunscreen, I feel obliged to post this... 

 

With apologies to Mary Schmich and Baz Luhrman...

Ladies and gentlemen of the Glastonbury class of 2016. Take a dump.

If I could offer you only one tip for the toilets … crapping would be it.

The long term benefits of dumping have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of a dump; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of a dump until it has faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of a long drop and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous that dump really was…Portaloos are not as messy as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the shepees; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; that wet patch on your leg that someone points out to you at 4pm on some idle Thursday. Wear dark trousers.

Do one dump everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with opening long drop doors, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Ouch.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. The person next to you is not having a better dump.

Remember the clean portaloos, forget the dirty ones; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, use them as toilet paper. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know where you want to do your dump…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 where they wanted to go, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to the back of your knees, you’ll miss them if you go properly. Maybe you’ll dump every day, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have diarrhea, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll squeeze one out at midnight, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken trying to avoid the seat…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your aim is half chance, so is everybody else’s.

Enjoy your dump, do it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest dump you’ll ever take. Dump…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own tent. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they are too slippy to use for wiping. Get to know your flushing loos, you never know when they’ll be backed up for good. Be nice to your neighbours; they are the best link to your tent and the people most likely to stick with you in the next five days.

Understand that long drops come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to keep the door closed while perched over the gaping hole.

Camp in Pennards once, but leave before it makes you hard; camp in the backstage area once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, it will rain at Glastonbury, fields are muddy, you too will need a dump, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young Glastonbury was sunny, fields were green and toilets were always sparkling. Respect the hedges.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Hover over the seat on your own. Maybe you have a roll of loo paper, maybe you have a box of wet wipes; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's Saturday, it will look rough.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. Like a wallet from the long drops. But trust me on the dump…

The above was a hastily done adaptation of the Mary Schmich article in Chicago Tribune which was turned into a song by Baz Luhrman which you can find here... http://www.youtube.c...h?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ

[KryziF]

Paint your fingernails. In a muddy year everything gets dirty and without constant scrubbing dirty fingernails make your hands look filthy. If they are painted you can't tell - problem gone

*Please remember to wash your hands before eating*

[catavento]

It's a marathon, not a sprint. Dull but true. Don't have the night of your life on the Wednesday and then feel like shit for the rest of it. Be upright on Sunday evening, still eking out the last drops. 

Also, my plan is always "don't forget how happy you were when you got that ticket, and don't forget how gutted you were the years you didn't".

[fat_man_joe]

10 hours ago, scaryclaireyfairy said:

Oh and if you see someone topple or about to - help them up.  Which probably doesn't need saying.  I know any time I've lost my footing there were helping arms before I'd even hit the deck but it's the nicest aspect of wet years and it must continue.

That's so true. Although, if it's a flag-bearer, let them at least get their hands mucky before helping out...

[Mollyanne&Mike]

Use silica gel bags in your tent, especially in your clothes bags to keep clean stuff dry, and to suck up any humidity from wet clothes etc. 

We've saved them up, but also bought them cheap on line. 

We also buy into bag of clean clothes and shoes waiting in the car.

[Skoo]

47 minutes ago, catavento said:

Also, my plan is always "don't forget how happy you were when you got that ticket, and don't forget how gutted you were the years you didn't".

This is so true. Remember how many people would love to be in your position, people who missed out.

My tips: don't rush to be anywhere, just accept it's going to take ages to get anywhere, especially in the mid/rain. 

Stop a lot and visit bars and pubs along the way, participate in the things you see.

If you're feeling a bit tired and the weather has got to you, find yourself a nice bar to chill in, like the Avalon Inn, or a covered tent and just take an hour to chill and recharge, ideally with beverage of your choice.

Waterproof trousers are a godsend if it's really mucky as you really just don't care at that point, like a suit of armour against the elements!

One of my personal ones is if I'm feeling a bit broken, I find going to my tent, having a bit of a wash, putting my face on, and generally sprucing myself up a bit really sorts me out mentally. It's not about trying to look gorgeous, more about rebuilding myself to face the world! That and a cheeky bit of something or other does wonders.

Oh, and handwarmers!

 

Edited June 20, 2016 by Skoo

[OBface]

10 hours ago, blackred said:

Another one, if you have a clash always chose the most upbeat act. You can't be miserable when you are dancing

The exception to this being Portishead 2013 against anyone. 

[sedra]

6 hours ago, KryziF said:

Paint your fingernails. In a muddy year everything gets dirty and without constant scrubbing dirty fingernails make your hands look filthy. If they are painted you can't tell - problem gone

*Please remember to wash your hands before eating*

Clip your nails short before painting them - otherwise you'll be picking mud out from under your nails all weekend! 

[catavento]

1 hour ago, Skoo said:

participate in the things you see

Probably taking it out of context, but I really like this tip! I don't do enough of this, I tend to stand off a lot, but getting in there and being part of it has to be a better way to make the best of stuff.

[wonker]

1 hour ago, OBface said:

The exception to this being Portishead 2013 against anyone. 

No way, they were against Chic which was party central!

[Wanderlei]

Capture the rain and use it. That way you can eliminate trips to the tap.

[scaryclaireyfairy]

I'm out of upvotes so:

1 hour ago, OBface said:

The exception to this being Portishead 2013 against anyone. 

My first thought too.  I left Chic a couple of song in cos it felt wrong and even if it had been pi$$ing down, it would have been the right choice.

 

14 minutes ago, Wanderlei said:

Capture the rain and use it. That way you can eliminate trips to the tap.

Love this.

[HalfAnIdiot]

This may have been said before but...

Leave the flag at the tent!!!!!!!!

[micropizza]

When you camp, empty your bag about make a bit of a mess, if god forbid someone wants to rob anything, its easier for them to grab your whole bag and rummage elsewhere than to look for stuff for ages in your tent.

+1 on binbags too, so useful for everything.

Oh and get your wristband put on the arm you don't wipe your arse with

[Keithy]

My one rule is always to keep mud out of the tent as long as possible. Boots off outside, jeans off in porch, wet stuff off...you might be feeezing cold for a few moments but you're sleeping area is dry and mud free with clean dry clothes. Once you've got mud in the sleeping area, it can be a long weekend.