Worst Glastonbury Fails

[stuartbert two hats]

Inspired by the minor success thread, I was wondering what idiotic mistakes you'd made at Glastonbury.  I've had a few over the 11 times I've attended, but most of them were in 2004.  A return to the festival after missing 2002 and 2003, I felt fairly confident that I knew how to do the festival.  How wrong I was. I,

• Made some veggie chilli to save on money, which not only did I not eat, it also leaked ALL over my clothes, making them all stink of rubbish chilli.
• Got totally sunburn due to shaving my head the day before, not wearing a hat, not putting suncream on and generally grossly underestimating the power of the sun.  A trip to the medical tent later and I was ordered to buy a prescription sombrero. Due to weeping sores on my scalp I had to buy two hats, one for comfort and one for shade.  Of course, I didn't draw enough money out, so I had to stand in the queue for cash using a chilli stinking shirt as my only hat.
• Didn't take wellies or any decent boots, so bought some waders on site when the mud arrived.  Unfortunately, I was too mashed when the guy at the shop put them on and didn't notice that part of it was folded over slightly, meaning I had to take another trip down to the medical tent to get my fucked up ankle seen to.  I left with some crutches.
• Saw Oasis.

 

[frostypaw]

oh that sounds pretty traumatic. at least you learnt a lot

The fail that always pops out first was trying to re-erect my half-collapsed flagpole first thing in the morning in 2004 - I was carrying a strong wake-up vodka and coke but needed both hands. So i gripped the cup-lip in my teeth, grabbed the flagpole and looked up - pouring the whole V+C down my nostrils into my sinuses

This does wake you up very quickly, but not a trick I've ever used again.

Otherwise going anywhere without some form of loo-roll is a disaster waiting to happen, took 9 years but when it does you'll thank yourself, if you remembered.

But worst of all must be '08 I think I've narrowed it down to - twisted my ankle hurrying over rough fields on the way in wearing shitty trainers. Weakened by that it went twice more during the festival.... sod all dancing, minimal travel much grumpiness tbh. Proper supportive boots are wonders!

[swede]

Forgoing my usual soberish Sunday this year and getting back to the tent 4am Monday morning, having left my other half during Jamie T as she wasn't feeling great and wanted to rest up for the Monday. I was a right state travelling home, made a right fuck of things.

[russycarps]

missing Love in 2003.

 

going to the the dalai lama this year.

[A Guy Called Matt]

Missing the first 43 years of GF

[fatyeti24]

nope.  i've got nothing.

[stuartbert two hats]

nope.  i've got nothing.

I'll think of something.

[fatyeti24]

I'll think of something.

if it involves you, it was your fail.

 

not mine.

[Untz]

2007: taking all my drugs and then some of the Thursday night, taking a shitty leaky tent, getting soaked, getting blisters on my feet and then contracting some sort of illness that pretty much ruined the rest of the festival (and two weeks after).

 

2015: taking loads of white t-shirts that I then proceded to spill so much Cheddar Valley cider down they are now permanently stained.

[mrpman]

A collective fail (but not really my fault) in 1999 was one of the lads I shared a tent with had about 4 padlocks on the tent for security and had tiny keys for each, all of which looked the same.

To distinguish between each set of keys he had put a tiny dab of tippex, or 2, or 3 etc for each of the keys.  1 dab was the outer skin.  2 dabs was the first inner skin etc.

 

First I knew of this was when we got back to the tent around 1am Friday night/Saturday morning to pick up a jumper and coat for late night maneouvers.  Trying to see which key had which number of tippex dots on it when completely trollied and in the dark (using my lighter to help my other friend try and see which ones were which) was impossible.  

 

By the time we got in we'd forgot what we were there for and forgot his coat, so he had to go back for it himself.  When he came back he decided we might not need to bother with the locks system after all. He'd been gone about 3 hours.

 

It was our first time and we didn't know what we were doing! Idiots!

[lucyginger]

Missing blur in 2009.

This is mine too. 

[fatyeti24]

This is mine too. 

i count it as one of my minor successes!

[pentura]

Catfish & the Bottlemen.

 

 

 

Biggest fail of biblical proportions in all Glastonbury history.

[Ms Mendip]

Would most definitely not recommend doing the can can and jumping into the Splits!!!! Spent Sunday this year in Wagon Shed Welfare....with a torn Hamstring waiting for family to travel from Up north to take me home! Just over four weeks later, I've made it on to one crutch!

[Purple aki squat]

Following through whilst stuck in a crush

[frostypaw]

Following through whilst stuck in a crush

Fair dos for letting loose in one I think, though I've been guilty of a bit of crowd clearance myself in my time

[jonodillieono]

Convinced myself that I'd followed through with diarrhea while stuck in the Kanye crush at the front 

[Woffy]

This year I had a Five Shit Friday.

3 of which were before 8am.

But none in my pants.

#prolapsefear

[johnmcga]

Touch wood, not had any major fails so far. I did get really pissed off a few years ago when I left plenty of time to walk over to the JP for Anna Calvi, then got stuck in the biggest Other Stage crowd I've ever seen.

 

I ended up completely missing Anna Calvi, but the worst thing about it was that the crowd was for Jessie J. Worst thing I've ever heard at Glastonbury.

 

Oh, in 2014 I was huddling in our tent desperate for a piss. As I dashed to the long drops (with no waterproof) the heavens absolutely opened. Remember the crazy downpours that year? I was soaked from head to toe in about five seconds. Good wee though, so that was something.

[Woffy]

Jesse J spoils everything. Again.

[Zoo Music Girl]

Some of these are hilarious Nice thread.

I've probably done loads but three come to mind:

- Leaving a great spot at Morrissey in 2011 to trek miles in mud to see Radiohead at the Park. Couldn't hear or see anything. Load of bollocks. Missed Morrissey and ruined my first Radiohead experience. And then saw saw a bit of U2.

- Taking a wheelbarrow in 2009. My friend and I stayed up all night on the Sunday - another fail - and decided it would be easier in our enhanced state to just stay up, pack the tents and meet her mum at Bath and West Showground who was putting us up for Monday night. It had rained a fair bit but was bloody warm that morning. Cue what felt like hours on a horrific come down and no sleep wheeling the bloody thing from Park Home to ped gate A in hot sunshine and through thick mud. We had to stop every five seconds to scrape the mud off the wheels and get it going. When we finally got to the coach station no longer able to speak to each other he steward wouldn't let us take it on the coach. Never again. (We got it on in the end but still.)

- In 2013 I started drinking in the queue at around 7 am. Was still going around 3 am on Thursday. Made it home utterly spannered only to convince myself I'd left my bag at stone circle. My friend basically said I was on my own so I then spent 40 minutes or more trying to find stone circle from park home. Yes really. Asked several stewards. Wandered aimlessly. Finally came back and opened my tent to see my bag lying there. Collapsed head down in the tent, with my body and legs outside, and fell asleep for a good hour or two before taking it indoors.

[frostypaw]

Oh you've reminded me of a classic error now - though we got the lightest version of it I'm sure there's a horror-version just around the corner

It was 2014 - we camped up on Weds, cracked the beers and smokes and celebrated being in then realised we still had a second trip to do. Headed to the gate and realised we'd left the tickets behind so laughs and sillies and went all the way back and got those, got halfway to the car then realised we'd not even got the keys.... It's so much harder walking back alone listening to someone just laughing at you cursing every step back to the gate, shamefacedly checking back in, back to tent, back to gate, back out again... *sigh* longest walk ever

Edited July 28, 2015 by frostypaw

[The Nal]

Drinking for pretty much 4 days straight in 2011 and not eating properly until my body said "no more" at 3am on Sunday morning. Then I spent 7 hours puking out of my tent until I had to get out due to the 30 odd degree heat.

Missed Queens of the Stone Age as a result as I was completely passed out by then.

[BlackHole2006]

Forgetting to pack suncream this festival. I made friends with this guy during Funkadellic and he kept on putting his arm around my neck and jumping up and down. One of the most painful things I've ever experienced.

 

Also another shout out to missing Blur in 2009. Was heading back to the tent just as the crowd were singing a long to tender. Dark times.

[Pbird81]

Mis sing Ozomatli in 2004 cause they'd changed stage - got to the dance tent early especially - then it became clearer and clearer that they weren't coming on