121 replies to this topic

[tommmy]

4AssedMonkey, on 02 June 2011 - 09:32 PM, said:

Once tasered though I find a harpoon cumbersome and a little overkill.  In such circumstances I prefer a clean kill with a short blade to the heart.  Much cleaner and easier to clean up.  The harpoon is clearly a "one shot from a distance" option.

Have you considered nunchucks?  Tricky, but if you pull it off you'd gain legendary status.  Tommmy the nunchuck badger slayer.  You'd be compared to Chuck Norris.

I'd probably go for the blade, however I'd love to strangle one, then look skywards and give my Dad a wink.

[4AssedMonkey]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 09:41 PM, said:

I think that such culls are unnecessary, based on assumption rather than science and cruel.  It is only fair to kill an animal if you are prepared to get eye to eye, except a cat, that would be mental, those bastards are like a whirling ball of clawed death when they get going.

With you there.  Trying to put flea treatment on mine once a month has left me with scars like a self harmer.  Imagine trying to put a few drops of Advocate ™ on a badger.  World of pain.  Now THAT is taser time.

[Spindles]

"This one's for you, Dad", sighed Tommmy, eyes skyward and a tear gently rolling down his cheek as the life slowly ebbed from the badger, it's eyes glazing over and the struggle gone from it's limp body.  Thrusting the corpse aside and wiping his cheek, our hero steps out of the tent, triumphant, holding aloft his kill and at the top of his voice lets cry, "Oi! Bitches, I just killed a badger!  Get over here, form a queue and bring some butter!"

[Madmark]

Simple..
Take it of Bodgers arm and burn the fcuker..

[Spindles]

4AssedMonkey, on 02 June 2011 - 09:44 PM, said:

With you there.  Trying to put flea treatment on mine once a month has left me with scars like a self harmer.  Imagine trying to put a few drops of Advocate ™ on a badger.  World of pain.  Now THAT is taser time.

I've got 3 of the bleeders, was flea treatment day yesterday, I now suprise them with it when they least expect it.  One is easy, another wriggles a bit and the third is like a tazmanian devil on speed.  We have tried to bath her twice, I still have those scars and had never seen anything like it.  When explaining this to a friend he genuinely suggested that the best way to bath a cat was to put it in a pillow case.

[tommmy]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 09:47 PM, said:

"This one's for you, Dad", sighed Tommmy, eyes skyward and a tear gently rolling down his cheek as the life slowly ebbed from the badger, it's eyes glazing over and the struggle gone from it's limp body.  Thrusting the corpse aside and wiping his cheek, our hero steps out of the tent, triumphant, holding aloft his kill and at the top of his voice lets cry, "Oi! Bitches, I just killed a badger!  Get over here, form a queue and bring some butter!"

Poetic.

[Spindles]

I try my best.  

Then I have a fag, wipe my dick on the curtains and try again.

[4AssedMonkey]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 09:50 PM, said:

I've got 3 of the bleeders, was flea treatment day yesterday, I now suprise them with it when they least expect it.  One is easy, another wriggles a bit and the third is like a tazmanian devil on speed.  We have tried to bath her twice, I still have those scars and had never seen anything like it.  When explaining this to a friend he genuinely suggested that the best way to bath a cat was to put it in a pillow case.

Little f**kers but I love them.  Cats that is not badgers.  Although I quite like badgers.  I did however spook one on a night ride on my mountain bike which sprinted out  and knocked my clean off the bike - a badger that is, not a cat.

Edited by 4AssedMonkey, 02 June 2011 - 10:02 PM.

[Spindles]

My cats are brilliant, 3 very different personalities and they shit in my neighbours garden, so that saves me a job.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 09:50 PM, said:

I've got 3 of the bleeders, was flea treatment day yesterday, I now suprise them with it when they least expect it.  One is easy, another wriggles a bit and the third is like a tazmanian devil on speed.  We have tried to bath her twice, I still have those scars and had never seen anything like it.  When explaining this to a friend he genuinely suggested that the best way to bath a cat was to put it in a pillow case.

Being half drown in a pillow case is the only language some of them cats understand. Plus it prepares them for the real thing.

[Spindles]

Yes.  It would be more humane to drown a cat if you had already spent some months training it in this way.  So much better than them dying in a frenzied panic.

[tommmy]

Hassibeeninyet, on 02 June 2011 - 10:00 PM, said:

Being half drown in a pillow case is the only language some of them cats understand. Plus it prepares them for the real thing.

Waterboarding for cats, it could work.

[Spindles]

There is no point torturing a cat for information, in my experience they don't speak a word of english.

[4AssedMonkey]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 10:00 PM, said:

My cats are brilliant, 3 very different personalities and they shit in my neighbours garden, so that saves me a job.

I'm a huge cat lover and know exactly what you mean about personality.  Regrettably we lost 2 to road accidents in the last year (despite living on a cul-de-sac).  If you haven't already, you should google Simon's Cat.  Captures the experience brilliantly.

PS, how do you get them to shit next door?

[Spindles]

Training a cat is easier than people realise.  It is merely a matter of you showing them by doing it yourself a few times first, they soon get the idea.  It is a good job they learn fast really, as I really struggle climbing over the fence.

[Teddington]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 10:00 PM, said:

My cats are brilliant, 3 very different personalities and they shit in my neighbours garden, so that saves me a job.

Aye, shitting in your neighbours garden can sometimes be a tricky affair, good that you have help.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 10:07 PM, said:

Training a cat is easier than people realise.  It is merely a matter of you showing them by doing it yourself a few times first, they soon get the idea.  It is a good job they learn fast really, as I really struggle climbing over the fence.

Shitting on the neighbours lawn could be problematic too.

[Spindles]

Hassibeeninyet, on 02 June 2011 - 10:10 PM, said:

Shitting on the neighbours lawn could be problematic too.

I found it to be the case.  The selfish bastards didn't have any toilet roll.  I had to wipe my arse on their roses.

[tommmy]

My neighbours have an amazing cat. When it wants a poop, it digs a hole, poops in the hole and then covers it up.

[4AssedMonkey]

tommmy, on 02 June 2011 - 10:13 PM, said:

My neighbours have an amazing cat. When it wants a poop, it digs a hole, poops in the hole and then covers it up.

I think you'll find that in cat stakes, that's not really amazing.