121 replies to this topic

[tommmy]

Back in the eighties my late father and his friends were at Glastonbury, they returned to their tent one night to find a badger in there. He said it shit them up at first but as they were dunk they soon got brave. My Dad said the badger put up one hell of a fight but eventually two of them managed to hold it down whilst their friend strangled it.

I was wondering, if you were on your own, or maybe not brave enough as a group to tackle the beast unarmed, what would be the best way to kill it. Also would like to know if anyone has any ideas to sort out any other pests.

[4AssedMonkey]

?

Badgers have claws and teeth you wouldn't believe and are the size of a medium dog. Therefore, I can only conclude that bullshitting must be genetic.

[Polwhirl]

They have TB aswell.

[jamseyboy]

To kill a badger you must first remove its bodger.

[jamiejc]

tommmy, on 02 June 2011 - 07:15 PM, said:

Back in the eighties my late father and his friends were at Glastonbury, they returned to their tent one night to find a badger in there. He said it shit them up at first but as they were dunk they soon got brave. My Dad said the badger put up one hell of a fight but eventually two of them managed to hold it down whilst their friend strangled it.

I was wondering, if you were on your own, or maybe not brave enough as a group to tackle the beast unarmed, what would be the best way to kill it. Also would like to know if anyone has any ideas to sort out any other pests.

Ha ha! trust tommy...

[tommmy]

4AssedMonkey, on 02 June 2011 - 07:19 PM, said:

?

Badgers have claws and teeth you wouldn't believe and are the size of a medium dog.

You're not kidding, there's no way I'm going near one unless I know what to do.

[devonhammer]

In the West Country most people do a low whistle to induce it into a trance like state very similar to a cobra with a snake charmer. From there either bag it up or a swift blow to the back of the head with a scrumpy barrel and that will dispatch him.

Sadly badger whistling is a dying art. Most kids are too busy cow tipping.

[Spindles]

Step easy sunshine, badgers are hard cnuts.  You don't want to take on a badger unless you are tooled up.

A shovel is clearly the weapon of choice, however it is so rare that after a night's partying you happen to be wandering along drunkenly carrying one (I won't rule it out entirely).  Failing that you'll have to make do with whatever is around as a blunt weapon.  Just remember that while weasels will happily f*ck with rats and moles they shit it at the sight of a badger (even if he now uses a walking stick).

As for other pests (eg: rats, rabbits, foxes, the welsh) stamping on the head works every time.  Usually you need to distract them first, in the case of foxes a swift kick to the ribs, then down on the head, in the case of the welsh show them things that they've never seen (modern electronics, the written word, a payslip), then in for the kill.

*edit* swift caveat, this is meant to be humorous, my mother is welsh so therefore I am qualified to hate them

Edited by Spindles, 02 June 2011 - 08:01 PM.

[anoldhippie@60]

Being a veggie I find it disturbing that you would want to kill anything, but as its Tommy I think another wind up is on the way. What would your dearly departed mother wwjd think.

[jimmystobo]

another relentlessly shite thread tommmy.

however i used to work with a guy whose dad was a game keeper (or something to do with the countryside) and he told me if a badger ever attacks you they will go for your leg with their teeth and it wont let go, its intention is to break the leg as they do that to whatever they hunt in nature, should you find yourself in this situation, break a stick beside its ear, it will think it has done its job and stroll off.

this is what i was told, dont shoot the messanger.

they sound like c**ts though.

[Greenelk]

you want one of these

[Spindles]

Yes.  Yes I do.  Could you set it up at the top of the Pyramid hill some point Sunday afternoon for me?

[tommmy]

Spindles, on 02 June 2011 - 07:59 PM, said:

Step easy sunshine, badgers are hard cnuts.  You don't want to take on a badger unless you are tooled up.

Too right, don't think my Dad would have messed with one if he wasn't pissed. I have a friend who can get hold of a taser, but I don't know if it's a good  idea when we are all pissed.

[Spindles]

Actually I think that when you are all pissed would be the best time to have a taser.

[bumpy_capers]

To kill a badger, you need a Baboon.

Or is it the other way round ?

I'm sure this question has been asked somewhere ?

[Spindles]

Are you sure?  A baboon is quite soft and no matter how long you thrash away at a badger with one I cannot see it doing as much damage as say, a halfbrick in a pillow case.

[Clareno7]

4AssedMonkey, on 02 June 2011 - 07:19 PM, said:

?

Badgers have claws and teeth you wouldn't believe and are the size of a medium dog. Therefore, I can only conclude that bullshitting must be genetic.

LOLOLOL

[frodoisdead]

You don't have the technology or the steady hands to pull off a procedure like that, so ha! Peace!

[Roo_85]

4AssedMonkey, on 02 June 2011 - 07:19 PM, said:

?

Badgers have claws and teeth you wouldn't believe and are the size of a medium dog. Therefore, I can only conclude that bullshitting must be genetic.

LOLOLOL

[tommmy]

jimmystobo, on 02 June 2011 - 08:24 PM, said:

however i used to work with a guy whose dad was a game keeper (or something to do with the countryside) and he told me if a badger ever attacks you they will go for your leg with their teeth and it wont let go, its intention is to break the leg as they do that to whatever they hunt in nature, should you find yourself in this situation, break a stick beside its ear, it will think it has done its job and stroll off.

That is interesting, I was always lead to believe they went straight for the testicles.