43 replies to this topic

[Major Charles Ingram]

Over the last few months I've been coming up with festival inventions that are going to make me a millionaire! Now, at the risk of you stealing the copyright here they are:

1. The toilet sitter. With a little bit of chicken wire some old shoes and trousers you fashion a dummy (knees down) of what you would see under a long drop door. At the start of the day, you place it in your toilet of choice and hey presto... Your stall is reserved for you all day Genius?

2. The incontinence/cushion pants. Pretty self evident. You have rubber pants, into which you pee all day. These then double up as a nice spongy padded chair to sit on. And if it's cold they'll keep you warm.

3. Dummy pint glasses. I've noticed that if somebody pushes past you at a crowded gig holding high two full pints (slightly spilling them helps the gap open a little wider), you assume they are returning to somewhere in front of you and happily let them by. So glue together two plastic pint glasses with a nice Amber filler (glue, resin etc). This is perfect way to go all the way to the front without incurring the rath of others punters.

4. The tent lantern. This one comes via Austen Powers. A simple electric lamp and some homely stencils, project images of happy campers onto your canvas wall which keeps burglars away.

I would love to here your inventions as long as they aren't at all rational or sensible as somebody may really steal them and get rich!!!

[rubenz]

My friend came up with a glastonbury invention the other day which is basically a beyonce strap on booty. Idea being that you could attach said fake booty to your derriere to get into the party mood then once you are done shaking your ass you could use it to sit down on and take the weight off your feet.
He could be onto something..

[tolywoly]

You've put a lot of thought in to this. Do you have a long journey to work every day?

1 and particularly 3 could work. Would the pint glasses be inflatable, or perhaps collapsible cardboard? So that they wouldn't take up too much space in your bag.

[Spindles]

My glastonbury invention is a shovel.  If I encounter someone with a flag/chair at the front of a crowd I twat them round the head with it.

[captain futility]

Major Charles Ingram, on 27 May 2011 - 08:07 PM, said:

Over the last few months I've been coming up with festival inventions that are going to make me a millionaire! Now, at the risk of you stealing the copyright here they are:

1. The toilet sitter. With a little bit of chicken wire some old shoes and trousers you fashion a dummy (knees down) of what you would see under a long drop door. At the start of the day, you place it in your toilet of choice and hey presto... Your stall is reserved for you all day Genius?

i am fashioning coat-hangers as i type...

[geebus]

For the long drops - pivoting toilet seats with a weight the other side that hangs down into the long drop.
So unless you're sitting on the seat, the seat flips up to vertical.
'Good for the environment' thanks to the significantly less toilet paper being used to wipe 'soiled' toilet seats.

Not an invention per sae, but this is my solution to the annoying walk from the car with all that stuff .

Edited by geebus, 28 May 2011 - 01:22 PM.

[jamseyboy]

I have always liked the idea of an extendable arm for getting my pint at the brothers bar ( with action man realistic gripping hands).

[jamseyboy]

Spindles, on 28 May 2011 - 12:45 PM, said:

My glastonbury invention is a shovel.  If I encounter someone with a flag/chair at the front of a crowd I twat them round the head with it.

But remember to respect the farm and clear away the bodies afterwards!

[doogleduck]

geebus, on 28 May 2011 - 01:22 PM, said:

For the long drops - pivoting toilet seats with a weight the other side that hangs down into the long drop.
So unless you're sitting on the seat, the seat flips up to vertical.

Wouldn't a spring seat (like in cinemas and stadiums) be much easier?

A weight hanging down in to the long drop could be problematic...

[geebus]

Yea, good point.  Haven't been to a stadium or cinema for a LONG time, so didn't really consider but probably is a better idea.
Reason for thinking of the weight (which shouldn't need to be that big, so hopefully wouldn't stick out enough to get in the way) is that it would mean minimum complexity - seat and weight are one unit, then a single bar through the seat attached to the main metal.  However having to cut a hole in the metal no doubt makes up for the extra complexity springs might bring.

[Spindles]

jamseyboy, on 28 May 2011 - 03:48 PM, said:

But remember to respect the farm and clear away the bodies afterwards!

Bodies are biodegradable, my roses are blooming lovely.

[CitizenErased]

Spindles, on 28 May 2011 - 12:45 PM, said:

My glastonbury invention is a shovel.  If I encounter someone with a flag/chair at the front of a crowd I twat them round the head with it.

The shovel has already been invented, that's cheating! Surely a special chair disintegrating laser would be more humane(and funny if you waited until they sat down before using it) or oh... a seat seeking missile, not humane, but effective.

How about a solar powered portable ice cube making machine, not sure how realistic a proposition that is, but it's no more crazy than a device that allows a woman to pee like a man.

A tent with a built in GPS tracking device.

I'd invent this if it hadn't already been invented : http://www.find-me-a...ilet-paper.html

Edited by CitizenErased, 28 May 2011 - 11:46 PM.

[Spindles]

Ah, but it is an invention, due to the innovative and extensive modifications I have made to adapt it to it's purpose and generally improve efficiency.

I painted it blue.

[CitizenErased]

Ah ok, I'm with you on that, things that are painted blue do tend to move faster through the air than things that aren't, because the air/sky is blue, so there's less air resistance.

[Bonedaddy]

Major Charles Ingram, on 27 May 2011 - 08:07 PM, said:

Over the last few months I've been coming up with festival inventions that are going to make me a millionaire! Now, at the risk of you stealing the copyright here they are:

This is brilliant, it feels like dragons den. Baggsy being Duncan bannatyne.

[nellyt66]

I'd invent a field shuffler.

Freshen the festival up with a new layout every hour or so.

[grumpyhack]

nellyt66, on 29 May 2011 - 06:10 AM, said:

I'd invent a field shuffler.

Freshen the festival up with a new layout every hour or so.

I like that.  You stay where you are and the fields move around and come to you.

[Spindles]

nellyt66, on 29 May 2011 - 06:10 AM, said:

I'd invent a field shuffler.

Freshen the festival up with a new layout every hour or so.

I find that applying 4 pints of brothers in rapid succession has this effect.  Last year following this it was quite clear to me that they had moved the dance village as I walked there in a perfectly straight line, passed the same toilets twice and eventually ended up at flagtopia.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I'd invent the

(1) TTDU - Tent Thief Detection Unit. These would be given to the stewards on the gate as well as roaming campsite officials. Once they detected a thief or (get this) would be thief, then they could have them locked in cells for the remaining duration of the festival. I had thought that these cells would be located beneath the long drops but perhaps nobody has actually ever committed a crime that would warrant that!

(2) An Anti Gravity Field where you had to wear big boots like spacemen/women and could make giant leaps around the field. The field would have a normal atmosphere to Earth though so that people could continue to breath normally as well as continue smoking whatever they may be smoking. Brothers pints would have to have lids on and be sucked through straws.

[tolywoly]

The solar powered ice cube generator sounds great. If only it could be made to work. In reality you'd probably have to leave it charging for 48hours per cube.