50 replies to this topic

[guyfawkes]

Woke up early morning last year absolutely dying for a piss we were camped a good walk away from the toilets and i knew every step i took towards them would be agony so i grabbed the nearest thing to hand which happened to be a nearly empty tube of sour cream and onion pringles. When id finished i put it outside the door of my tent upright to dispose of when i got up, only for an hour later to here my cousins howl of disguest when he went for an early morning snack.....

Edited by guyfawkes, 10 March 2010 - 08:07 PM.

[remote]

Activeman, on Mar 10 2010, 10:45 AM, said:

Physics Lesson 1 – Air Displacement

In the middle of a crowd watching some band or other and in a bid to avoid the long walk to the toilets I resorted to the old “piss in a bottle” trick.  

Being my first time at this game I kindly asked to of my friends to shield me from any prying eyes that might happen on my actions and stand in front of me whilst I carried out said procedure - “excellent” I thought – “I am a genius!”  

Friends in place and bottle in hand I released my middle wicket and jammed it into the top of my empty water bottle and let the flow go...ahhhhh

Now, for those of you familiar with science will know that the rush of fluid entering an airtight bottle will ultimately result in air displacement, and depending how tight the seal is could potentially result in bottle exploding or...as I discovered...creating an effect which I can only describe similar to that of placing your thumb over a fast running tap.  

You’ve got it, the combination of the pressure of the air escaping from the bottle combined with the mid-flow action and being fairly well wedged in the top of the water bottle...resulted in a piss power shower.  

Covering my two friends in front of me in piss, which in turn caused them to yell in disgust, them jumping out of way the piss which is spouting in every which direction, and then again in turn resulting in everyone in front of them i.e. Crowd watching band...turning round to see a guy...Johnson in hand...partly pissing in a bottle...partly pissing over his hand...and you know once you start you just can’t stop...  

It is fair to say that from that point fourth I begun to use the toilets again like most civilised individuals.  

Very similar for my mate, he was in his tent and didn't quite understand the concept of aiming at the bottle as opposed to trying to shag it. He ended up with piss all over his tent.

Mine would be would buying 6 pints of beer whilst being a bit worse for wear on the Wednesday last year, I ended up doing that drunken stagger-fall, you know the one where you know you're going to go and might as well just accept it and fall, but you don't, you keep trying to get your legs out in front before you end up trying to walk with your chin scraping on the floor. Yeah, well I did that in front a big group of people sitting in a nice circle having a great time. To be fair, they came over and gave me more than enough cans to cover the spillages I'd just made. Probably worth it for all the pictures they must've taken of me.

Either that or in 2008 (I think) I'd never heard of these she-pee things. Anyway, as a man who struggles badly with stage fright unless I've had a few beers, I was dying for a slash, I saw some urinals and in I went. Now as I stand there trying to take my mind off my stage fright. I'm staring at the sky thinking of all sorts - Science lessons at school, previous prime ministers, etc. Just as I'm about to go I hear a big group of girls approaching, what's going on? What are they doing in here? It was almost as like my wee was going on strike, I could almost hear them going "f**k that, there's girls out there, I'm staying here". This girl then does something that nearly had as much of an effect on me as seeing my first ever foo foo. She hitched up her skirt and stood having a piss. Then others did it. The I looked up to the massive sign that said "FEMALE URINAL". 'sake.

I also fell asleep in a portaloo.

[Wickedfaerie]

Funkyfairy!, on Mar 10 2010, 10:39 AM, said:

Can I ask where you got our fairy dress from - am hunting for a great one for the festivities ! Thanks

Hi! www.oshun.co.uk have a cool black fairy dress, and other festival style clothes. Hope you find what you're looking for.

[gooner1990]

I've posted this before but here it is again.........

2005 on the thursday night.............me and my mate went for a "wander" at about 4pm, ended up wandering all over the site getting competely f**ked on booze and smoke, wound up at the cider bus  and decided after about 4 pints there to do everything on the list, hot pear, sweet, dry etc - then got on the cider brandys. anyway after all that we decided to stumble back to the campsite which was luckily only in kidney mead.

as we got onto the path that runs up the side of the pyramid stage i was seriosuly falling all over the place - cider in one hand and big spliff in the other - went one step too far and suddenly i've fallen down into the ditch - cider went flying and im in a bush. i can't get up, my mate is too f**ked to get to me so runs off to get help.

next thing i know i've got flashlights being shone down on me as i lie there smoking the joint and two pretty oxfam stewards are there to drag me out it took all 3 of them to get me and then when i got up -one of the stewards nicked my joint!  

got back ot the campsite - told the rest of our camp the story for a bit of a laugh round the campfire. anyway a few more beers, spliffs and a bit of billy now its about 3am and im proper f**ked. since we had arrived at the festival one of our mates had a big flashlight with him and we kept taking the piss saying it was so he could go dogging. anyway just as said mate was heading off to bed with the flashlight on so he could get changed and into his sleeping bag we all stated making jokes about how he was waiting for some girls to go dogging with.

how about this for ironic, some girls camped a little over the way from us heard us talking and came over to join us for a smoke/drink/chat, i decided in my drunken stupur to grab one of them and tried to shove her in the tent with my mate, given my state all i ended up doing was pushing her on top of my mates tent sending her down with me with her for company breaking my mates tent as he was lying in it with his trolleys off trying to get to bed....needless to say they didn't hang around much longer and i was put to bed not long after that!

[paulo999]

remote, on Mar 10 2010, 08:37 PM, said:

Either that or in 2008 (I think) I'd never heard of these she-pee things. Anyway, as a man who struggles badly with stage fright unless I've had a few beers, I was dying for a slash, I saw some urinals and in I went. Now as I stand there trying to take my mind off my stage fright. I'm staring at the sky thinking of all sorts - Science lessons at school, previous prime ministers, etc. Just as I'm about to go I hear a big group of girls approaching, what's going on? What are they doing in here? It was almost as like my wee was going on strike, I could almost hear them going "f**k that, there's girls out there, I'm staying here". This girl then does something that nearly had as much of an effect on me as seeing my first ever foo foo. She hitched up her skirt and stood having a piss. Then others did it. The I looked up to the massive sign that said "FEMALE URINAL". 'sake.

I also fell asleep in a portaloo.

That's a good one.

I've also fallen asleep in a portaloo.  

[TheBoyInTheBubble]

guyfawkes, on Mar 10 2010, 08:07 PM, said:

Woke up early morning last year absolutely dying for a piss we were camped a good walk away from the toilets and i knew every step i took towards them would be agony so i grabbed the nearest thing to hand which happened to be a nearly empty tube of sour cream and onion pringles. When id finished i put it outside the door of my tent upright to dispose of when i got up, only for an hour later to here my cousins howl of disguest when he went for an early morning snack.....

I'd forgotten about that.  I've just felt sick at the memory.

At least you didn't get near the Barbeque ones.

[Katster]

remote, on Mar 10 2010, 08:37 PM, said:

Mine would be would buying 6 pints of beer whilst being a bit worse for wear on the Wednesday last year, I ended up doing that drunken stagger-fall, you know the one where you know you're going to go and might as well just accept it and fall, but you don't, you keep trying to get your legs out in front before you end up trying to walk with your chin scraping on the floor. Yeah, well I did that in front a big group of people sitting in a nice circle having a great time. To be fair, they came over and gave me more than enough cans to cover the spillages I'd just made. Probably worth it for all the pictures they must've taken of me.

I also fell asleep in a portaloo.

I did that but somehow managed to save each and every pint from spilling. I got a cheer for it and everything. I was going, but I wasn't about to take my cider with me!!!!!  

paulo999, on Mar 10 2010, 11:53 PM, said:

I've also fallen asleep in a portaloo.  

It would appear from this thread it's quite a common thing to do. I thought I'd be the only one!!

[Langdale Wolf]

russycarps, on Mar 10 2010, 10:33 AM, said:

You saw them too huh? Who was on the otherstage at the time, can you remember? I am amazed I went to see oasis.

My girlfriend-at-the-time spent almost the whole set sat in her chair asleep!

Indeed.  Easily one of the worst performances I have ever seen.  And I like Oasis.  Actually, The Twang 'supporting' The Wonder Stuff in December was quite frighteningly awful.  And Tom Vek for being the most annoying band to 'watch' ever.  

To sum it up, I was watching The Bees in the JP Tent - I'd never heard of them before - and had to leave before the end of their set to get to the Pyramid stage for Oasis.  The Bees were AMAZING and leaving their set is one of my biggest ever regrets Glasto-wise.

I have seen The Bees 8 more times since, and never saw Oasis again.

[StoneCircle]

Another favourite read!

[tHomBleached]

Langdale Wolf, on Mar 11 2010, 11:50 AM, said:

Indeed.  Easily one of the worst performances I have ever seen.  And I like Oasis.  Actually, The Twang 'supporting' The Wonder Stuff in December was quite frighteningly awful.  And Tom Vek for being the most annoying band to 'watch' ever.  

To sum it up, I was watching The Bees in the JP Tent - I'd never heard of them before - and had to leave before the end of their set to get to the Pyramid stage for Oasis.  The Bees were AMAZING and leaving their set is one of my biggest ever regrets Glasto-wise.

I have seen The Bees 8 more times since, and never saw Oasis again.

I was there for that an all, were you expecting any different?

Stuffies were crackin' though.

[SJC]

not massively embarrassing but in 03 i was climbing up a slope at the back of the other stage's field/section of the festival. it was wet, muddy and i had no grip on my shoes. half way up and i was slipping back down so grabbed onto some man in front of me's rucksack. he looked at me like i was dirt on his shoe...

also lost my shoes to the mud at basement jaxx in 05 due to being annihilated after playing 'let's get pissed by 11 am'. they weren't my shoes either...