53 replies to this topic

[.jay.]

by the time it becomes evident to me that i need a clear out, i am not in any position to be running off all over the bloody site looking for a specific place to make my magic happen and i simply do not understand peoples requests to know where certain places to do your ablutions are one bit!

I'm there having a good time, i become aware I've business to take care of and i head of to the nearest loos take care of business and retreat all as quickly and effortlessly as possible in order to limit the mental scarring.

it's all well and good knowing where the few so called decent toilets are but it's only ever gonna be pure luck that you are by them when nature calls so what's the point.

for me the comfy crapper is my own at home and even then it's get in there weave your magic and get the f**k out asap no f**king about, toilets are only to be hung about in or around if you are a former member of Wham.

for me the absolute worst thing about it all is your strides dangling in the filth around your feet whilst you drop the kids off at the pool!

[Wooderson]

.jay., on Jan 2 2010, 03:33 PM, said:

by the time it becomes evident to me that i need a clear out, i am not in any position to be running off all over the bloody site looking for a specific place to make my magic happen and i simply do not understand peoples requests to know where certain places to do your ablutions are one bit!

I'm there having a good time, i become aware I've business to take care of and i head of to the nearest loos take care of business and retreat all as quickly and effortlessly as possible in order to limit the mental scarring.

it's all well and good knowing where the few so called decent toilets are but it's only ever gonna be pure luck that you are by them when nature calls so what's the point.

for me the comfy crapper is my own at home and even then it's get in there weave your magic and get the f**k out asap no f**king about, toilets are only to be hung about in or around if you are a former member of Wham.

for me the absolute worst thing about it all is your strides dangling in the filth around your feet whilst you drop the kids off at the pool!

Youre some roughneck festival veteran though Jay. Not that easy for lasses to manage. You may need to take the Browns to the Superbowl max twice a day, right? If youre a bird and youre on the brothers that could turn out to be 4 or 5 trips. And in the dark too. Awful stuff.

[.jay.]

trust me, all that cider goes right through me and virtually turns me into a woman!

i've been to glasto twice and had a code brown incident both times due to that f**king brothers strawberry cider!

[Wooderson]

.jay., on Jan 2 2010, 06:53 PM, said:

trust me, all that cider goes right through me and virtually turns me into a woman!

i've been to glasto twice and had a code brown incident both times due to that f**king brothers strawberry cider!

That shite will do that to the best of us J.

Either way - the porcelain pissers are the best on site if youre in bad shape and theyre nearby.

[grumpyhack]

The proximity of a comfy crapper or a porcelain pisser has been one of the deciding factors for me for many years in choosing where to pitch the tent.  That and being sure of a relatively undisturbed night's sleep, not being flooded out and enjoying a decent view.
This year all will be new in the Campervan Fields.  Fingers and legs crossed.

[geztival_09]

The toilets are the one thing I'm dreading!

I can cope with mud, manky hair and no showers, but the toilets are a step too far lol

Edited by geztival_09, 02 January 2010 - 08:30 PM.

[Bort]

I sure hope comfortable crappers return.

[4AssedMonkey]

geztival_09, on Jan 2 2010, 08:28 PM, said:

The toilets are the one thing I'm dreading!

I can cope with mud, manky hair and no showers, but the toilets are a step too far lol

I was a tad worried this year and having been there now, I see that it was with good reason!  They can be horrific and I had Glastoenteritis for 2 & 1/2 days so had the opportunity to view plenty of them.  

However, I will add that there were only 2 occasions when I opened a door and closed it again immediately even though I was on the verge of shitting myself.  Most were pretty much OK.  The thing you can't escape though is the smell, but having so many public lavvies in one place will do that.  You can always put Vicks Vaporub under your nostrils.

[BlackHole2006]

To tell you the truth mate. Who needs shitting?

When I was at Glasto I didn't take a shit once whilst I was there. And when I needed to go I held it in until the urge passed away. I shouldn't really be telling you this, but you can use it on me for future purposes if I do something naughty.

The best advice out there is: Don't go for a shit at Glasto. Hold it till you get home. You won't regret it. I never have done. The only other time I havn't been for a shit all weekend was on a school trip to normandy when the bog wouldn't flush properly. But I manned it and didn't take a crap all weekend. Cause I'm a man.

[Alcatraz]

There were stages last year when I enjoyed the fact that I was near longdrops that I'd had good experiences with in the past

[4AssedMonkey]

BlackHole2006, on Jan 2 2010, 08:49 PM, said:

To tell you the truth mate. Who needs shitting?

When I was at Glasto I didn't take a shit once whilst I was there. And when I needed to go I held it in until the urge passed away. I shouldn't really be telling you this, but you can use it on me for future purposes if I do something naughty.

The best advice out there is: Don't go for a shit at Glasto. Hold it till you get home. You won't regret it. I never have done. The only other time I havn't been for a shit all weekend was on a school trip to normandy when the bog wouldn't flush properly. But I manned it and didn't take a crap all weekend. Cause I'm a man.

You serious?  No shit from Wednesday until the following Monday?  That can't be good for you!

I'm usually a once a day man.  If I don't go for 24 hours I start to worry.

[BlackHole2006]

4AssedMonkey, on Jan 2 2010, 08:55 PM, said:

You serious?  No shit from Wednesday until the following Monday?  That can't be good for you!

I'm usually a once a day man.  If I don't go for 24 hours I start to worry.

Yeh you've got that correct.

Apart from I arrived on Thursday every year so next year could be interesting cause I'm arriving on Wednesday for the first time, I just hope my technique doesn't fail me  

[Wooderson]

BlackHole2006, on Jan 2 2010, 08:58 PM, said:

Yeh you've got that correct.

Apart from I arrived on Thursday every year so next year could be interesting cause I'm arriving on Wednesday for the first time, I just hope my technique doesn't fail me  

Not shitting for a week is just plain wrong. And unless youre taking some medication/not eating I sincerely doubt that your system will allow you to "hold it".

[BlackHole2006]

Wooderson, on Jan 2 2010, 09:34 PM, said:

Not shitting for a week is just plain wrong. And unless youre taking some medication/not eating I sincerely doubt that your system will allow you to "hold it".

Well I managed to do it the last Glasto I went too. I must have the somach of kings!

[LusciousLucy]

As discovered/informed two years ago and after suffering for 14 years from the dreaded Glasto Belly/Glastoenteritis™...as it was renamed in 07 the simplest way to avoid the short sharp dash to the nearest longdrop/turdis is...

duh duh duuuuuuuh...

DONT DRINK BURROWHILL/BROTHERS CIDER ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!!!

To put it very simply apart from possibly not washing your hands enough and MAYBE you have consumed a dodgy sausage or you are just too weak and feeble to survive in a field for 5 days(!)...the real/main reason for Glastoenteritis™ is strong fruit acids hitting our fragile tumtums after arriving with such glee and excitement we realise too late that we have totally forgotten to eat before hitting the bus for the first pint of the golden elixir that is Hot & Spicy!!!

I used to think it was a bad sausage causing the stomach upsets but no...its cider, pure and simple (and painful and messy and smelly!)

The best food on site to counter Glastoenteritis™ (as taught to me by Chocky) is quite simply...and the reason for it being so bloody massive, almost unmanageable and therefore stomach lining...

THE OGGIE! He swears by them...and never suffered a bad tum ever!

Knock back an Oggie and THEN hit the bus or the BBar and you'll be right!

Oh and avoid any of the stalls serving shellfish is probably good advice too

[westwardhoboy]

grumpyhack, on Jan 2 2010, 07:42 PM, said:

The proximity of a comfy crapper or a porcelain pisser has been one of the deciding factors for me for many years in choosing where to pitch the tent.  That and being sure of a relatively undisturbed night's sleep, not being flooded out and enjoying a decent view.
This year all will be new in the Campervan Fields.  Fingers and legs crossed.

Me too!  However, I have advised my missus & 3 girls coming with us that the "thunderbox" is for liquids only.  Naturally the emptying of said thunderbox will fall to me,  no way am I using a straightened coat hanger to fish out the Tampons/Tena Ladies/Turds of 4 lazy women that cant be bothered queing for a smelly toilet!

The portaloo should be for slash only - no more ladies!

[mikeb]

TBH, I've never yet had the misfortune to find a *really* bad bog whenever I've needed one. Only once (since 2002) have I opened a door and thought - hmmmm, maybe next door would be good - due to someone's badly aimed solid deposit. How anyone can manage to cr@p quite so far from the rather obvious and sizeable hole unless they happened to be a bl**dy contortionist is beyond me but far from nice for the poor b*ggers who have to clean up after such morons have done their foul deed

Never had to queue yet either but perhaps most importantly, never even thought about never mind actually attempted to use a turdis ! Whenever the need arises it's long drops all the way regardless of location or distance not that you're ever that far away from one in any case. Just a minor diversion to the nearest then in and out in the minimum time for maximum satisfaction and all that !

No bog-related complaints from me and mucho gratitude to the cleaner-uppers who always do a bl**dy good job given the highly unpleasant task

Mucho cider on an empty stomach and/or not washing of hands at appropriate times is always going to end in squits tears ... as is attempting to avoid the bogs completely for the best part of a week IMHO.  Must end up something along the lines of trying to post an elephant though a letter box when you get home

Edited by mikeb, 02 January 2010 - 11:01 PM.

[Boris]

Not shitting for 5 days is just plain stupid!... just do it and get out. You will live. Line the long drop with comfy white clean bog roll as I do fair enough.... but damn it's not the end of the world... I can't imagine walking around for 5 days with a steadily increasing intestinal payload....!

[BlackHole2006]

Boris, on Jan 2 2010, 11:18 PM, said:

Not shitting for 5 days is just plain stupid!... just do it and get out. You will live. Line the long drop with comfy white clean bog roll as I do fair enough.... but damn it's not the end of the world... I can't imagine walking around for 5 days with a steadily increasing intestinal payload....!

Would you say it is a talent of mine then? Like a good party trick?

I bet you a tenner that I can hold "it" in all week next week

[Boris]

Hehehe!

You must have cast iron bowels!

Anyway.. bets on... a £10 donation to water aid if you can provide reasonable proof that you don't let one go in the next 7 days!  

NB: Maybe you should be BrownHole2010?

Edited by Boris, 02 January 2010 - 11:27 PM.