balti-pie

The fairly standard wooden mushroom, which was dipped in mud and driven home to go on the mantelpiece - where its remained since 2005, and itll be his 19th anniversary this summer! Mud is still present on his nose. Every year i look at the candle powered little boats and say i'm going to buy one, despite not really having a vessel that would show it off to its best - and it wasnt even there last year so the (ahem) ship may have already sailed, so to speak

No, they're funny. In the same way that Spinal Tap is/are funny. big bottom is an absolute banger tbf, Sleaford Mods wont ever be able to get within a hundred miles of such a tune. Didnt Spinal Tap play early on the pyramid one year? That needs to happen again!

If an acoustic set by Ocean Colour Scene - in the year of twenty twenty four ffs - isnt the worst possible potential activity of the glastonbury weekend then i'm a dutchman. And that includes all volunteering and working shifts.

Plus the pattern of: Acoustic Avalon hang on, they're going alphabetic on stage announcements! Shangri-la no they're not, there is no pattern 😁

The Earache artists are: Bob Vylan Cam Cole Delilah Bon High Fade Kneecap the last four i've not heard of to be honest, but i'll check em out in the hope i find my new favourite thing 👍

This is a loyalist wind-up 😄

I'd not anticipate any Slayer at all at a Kerry King gig tbf - he's an awkward sod at the best of times 😄 his stuff doesnt sound bad at all, quite enjoyed the couple of songs i've heard, but not anywhere near enough to drop £50 on a ticket unless the venue was a hundred yards down the road from me

TMI obviously, but a good poop is part of my morning ablutions and i don't feel right with the world til ive had one. In a long drop or a compost loo, not a portaloo, and typically between 8 and 9am. My first glastonbury was 2005 and i was a bit more squeamish about things then, i didnt poop from the thursday when i got there until the sunday morning, and then i had the mother of all movements just off the railway track in a long drop 😁 it was soundtracked by the Levellers, who were playing nearby at the time. I always think of them as im pooping open air. It was followed by a second huge bowel movement about an hour later, and since then i've shat like a prince at glasto. right, i feel i've overshared now 🤠

I'm rocking up first knockings on monday, staying in the Travelodge by Podimore on the sunday night so i can head straight in and get my campsite sorted in the oxfield from 10am. Get wristbanded and get my shifts and everything from about 1pm, then ill head into site for a stroll around to see some sights, sit under a tree, work out when im working and who i can see 👍 Other working mates in other areas will be there, some late monday and others on tuesday - but im more than happy to stroll about with a few cans and find some quiet spots for a sitdown. I've always managed to somehow not be working first thing on the wednesday, so i tend to get up early and get up to the sign for about 8/8.30am, and watch people streaming in, the fields slowly filling up with tents and excitement. And arguments 😄 i love watching people carrying all their sh*t, knowing their moment of absolute bliss is under an hour away, but they have to go through the sweaty heavy trauma first to earn it

Would love to hear of Arcade Fire playing to 17 people at brixton academy, due to a nationwide crackdown on a) people who don't understand the concept of consent and b) sh*tty ticket prices.

I’m presuming it’ll be pretty cold, as it’s early in the season, in the midlands (it’s up north to me, but then Glastonbury is up north to me 😁) and it’s next to a river - I’m anticipating wearing more than the standard uniform of shorts and hoodies! Will I need a Big Coat? I think I might

Give him loads on the journey there, but when youre all set up and sorted and having your first wander round early wednesday evening, buy him a lovely pint and a little apple brandy from the cider bus 👍

I volunteer these days, so annoyingly my sack truck that has served through many muddy pushes and pulls on and offsite has enjoyed a bit of a retirement in my mate's shed. i'm parked in the field next to where oxfam camp, its no more than a five minute wander at the very, very most from tent to car so i can bring a foamy mattress, a duvet, a variety of eats, and all the spare socks a centipede would need. I've done my hard yards in hiking 40 kilos over two miles of rutted slush, thankfully 😄

Its the age old discussion: one journey taking absolutely everything, or a streamlined tent only trip followed by a second one carrying more stuff? I think its easier to just concentrate on tent and bed first trip, get most things sorted and shipshape, then out for a second bash for clothes and food, which is a far more relaxed and sedate affair almost certainly featuring a stop for a beer and a sitdown. Its a tightrope though. One trippers break themselves on that one go, and then smile smugly at the two trippers. But the two trippers arent mouthing swears at everyone around them in the queues. well, not as much.

They had ice cold cans of the Arbor non alcoholic beer at the bar in Unfairground a couple of years ago, but not last year - they also had Lucky Saint here and there, which is great if its chilled. The staff bar at Arcadia (this might not be any good to you, apologies if its not!) had a very decent german alkoholfrei weissbier, cant remember who made it but that was well worth hunting out when i was over that way. I love a beer, i just dont like getting drunk so having a good old mix up of what i drink is what i do. Good on you for going sober, you'll remember so much more of it, and can do so much more during the day! I also strongly recommend something really sugary for late on, a big cake or a fruit smoothie post-headliner if you want to go and do some late night things - you wont have booze as a painkiller for your knackered feet but sugar works wonders in that position. Plus here is an excuse to eat late night cake, if you want one 😁