grrrrr i think i'm coming to termns with being single

basically its taken me a few months but i've learnt that men...are twats. especially if you make the stupid mistake of sleeping with them. i forgot that men after you've had sex with them tend to not want to have anyhthing to do with you, which makes things arkward. its my own silly fault but i just keep letting myself get used.

i think i partly went to leeds with some naive fantasy that i'd meet someone. thats not what happened. i just let myself get messed around-again. saturday sucked. one because as i was watching JEW they played 23...which was a song that has meaning for me an my ex. Secondly it was exactly 3 years to the day, that i'd met my ex, at Leeds fest.

Christ i know i'm only 20 (tho 21 in a few weeks) but i want to give up. And maybe it wouldnt be such a bad thing. I mean i have my final year of uni ahead of me, so i need to knuckle down and get a decent result...which would be easier without having to split my time between studying and a bf. And then after uni if i got like a job offer somewhere i could just up and leave.

maybe i'm writing off my life too early but my other realisation is that even if i do get into a relationship it will end in two ways. One they''ll dump me and i'll be heartbroken AGAIN, or two we'll end up being together forever-which is a nice concept and eventually i want that-but i'm too young for that right now. so i guess i'm just better off alone.

i don't know. i think i'm just beyond caring now